4S only makes baby angry

[jpoole08]

My 3 month old has taken a very drastic turn for the worse in regards to sleeping at night. We didn't really have a set bedtime routine, but it didn't vary too much. We've tried to implant the 4S ritual and it seems to only make her very angry. It is taking us anywhere from 2-4 hours to put her down and then she wakes up after about 25 minutes and the process starts all over again. What can we do to calm her down? Sitting still does nothing but make her even angrier. The Shh pat doesn't calm her down. She only seems to calm down when we walk around with her, but when she is calm and we try to get her ready again, she loses it.

[lauradj]

Could you post your EASY?  It sounds like there may be more going on and it's easier for us to help if we have an idea of how the day goes. 

[cath~]

Not all babies like the 4S.  Have yo taken the bw quiz - what kind of temperament would you say your baby is?

Neither of mine got on well with sitting.  They just fidgeted and fussed and it didn't relax them at all.  Dd1 is spirited and both are/were very alert - sensitive and noticing everything that's going on.

Our wind down for naps was more like:

Quiet time walking round house saying night night to things or singing a lullaby
Put in swaddle/sleeping bag
Pick up and sing short lullaby whilst walking round/across room once, lie baby down in basket/cot and finish off singing lullaby, then help them settle in cot (with shh pat) if needed.

Doing shh pat whilst still holding them didn't help.  Neither liked being held/cuddled to sleep so I guess that's why.

At BT I'd do (after bath and getting dressed)
BF
Put in swaddle/sleeping bag
Pick up and sing short lullaby whilst walking round / across room, lie baby down in basket/cot and then help them settle in cot (with shh pat) if needed

Not saying you should do the same, but just sharing what worked for mine in case it helps with yours.

I agree with pp that it's also worth looking at your routine.

If your lo is OT or ut then that can also affect wind down.

[jpoole08]

Our EASY used to go like this before her 3 month growth spurt. Times were usually within 30 minutes of what's listed.

7 am - WU, eat, play

9 am - nap

11:30 or 12 - WU, eat, play

1:30 - nap

3:30 - WU, eat, play

5:00 - nap for about 45 minutes

6:00 - Eat, play

7:30 - Get ready for bed, usually down pretty quickly

3:00 am - wake up for a feed, go back down for sleep

Since her growth spurt, the naps and evenings are no longer going this way. She takes a great morning nap at the same time, but the afternoon nap is hit or miss (sometimes she sleeps and doesn't wake, other times she wakes up after 30 minutes and will only sleep if being held). I think she may be OT which would explain some or all of the resistance. She did sleep 7 hours last night and has taken 2 good naps today that are more in line with her pre-growth spurt schedule. She didn't enjoy the sitting of the 4S for both naps so I just stood in front of her crib. She sucked on her pacifier to calm down and then when she was getting drowsy, I put her down, took the pacifier and did shh pat. It took about 25 minutes each time to get her to sleep. We'll see how tonight goes. Thanks for the advice!

[jpoole08]

After modifying the 4S a bit today during all the naps, it wasn't struggle putting her down tonight. But now we are struggling with her waking up after 30 minutes. She did this during her 3 naps today and now my husband is going on 45 minutes of trying to put her back down. During the naps today I tried ssh pat but if she didn't have the pacifier at first she wouldn't calm down. How long do we do shhpat? We aren't using the pacifier now since we're sure it's a prop but we can't keep trying to put her down for hours every night.

[lauradj]

Thanks for posting your EASY!  I'm glad things went a little better today. 
Just a couple of things I noticed. 1) Most LO's aren't awake for 2 hrs until they're four months old, 1hr 20 min -1 30min is more the norm, so you may be correct in assuming that she's OT, 2) when your DD wakes at 30 mins or 45 mins, do you give her a chance to settle herself?  With my first DS, I would rush in as soon as I heard him snurf and snuffle about.  However my Mom was over one day when this happened and she stopped me, explaining that he was just fussing and might not even actually be awake.  Me going in woke him and made the situation worse.  Just a thought.  The last thing I wanted to mention was, you don't have to stay with your LO until their asleep, just until they're calm and drowsy.  If she's crying, go to her but if she's quiet and just laying there, leave her to it.  She'll put herself to sleep.
I hope that helps a bit! 

[jpoole08]

Yes, we are giving her time to settle herself. Usually waiting 5- 10 minutes depending on how fussy she is. There are times she does put herself back but the times she doesn't, she gets very worked up very quickly. Like tonight, she is still up and crying. We've tried ssh pat and picking her up after several minutes, but only makes it worse. She gets so hot and sweaty and works her way out of the swaddle so we start the 4S over again but as soon as she is picked up from being swaddled, the crying begins. We haven't used a pacifier tonight but have no idea what else to do.

[lauradj]

Ok, it sounds to me like she may be over tired.  Could you try having her in bed, eyes closed for 7:00?  My DS2 is a month ahead of your LO and we start bath, bed and beyond at 6:30pm.  Everyone is asleep by 7:00pm.  Your last A time is actually the longest of her day and the evening is typically when LO's can handle the least amount of A time.  As an example. yesterday my DS napped until 5:45 and then was in bed by 7pm.  Maybe give that a try and see how she responds?

[jpoole08]

Okay thanks! Tonight we put her down by 7, so we'll see. Last night and tonight she went down without much of a fight. We are still having issues with waking after 30-45 minutes. We have been giving her a few minutes to try and settle herself and when she doesn't, going in and giving her a pacifier and a hand on chest with soothing words. She will usually suck on the pacifier for a few minutes and spit it out and fall asleep. We'll keep a hand her for a few minutes and then leave. Sometimes this is enough but other times she'll wake up again. My husband believes the pacifier has become a prop and wants to stop. But I've read posts on here from people saying they use a pacifier to calm so I'm confused. And she isn't consistent with the waking at 30-45 either. Sometimes she does put herself back. I'm sorry if this is rambling or I repeated myself.