6 months today!! Where to begin??

[livingthedream]

Hello!

I am new here and in need of some advice, encouragement and probably a slap on the hand.  I completely set my son up for failure.

I had one of the happiest babies around until a few weeks ago.  Up until about 5 months he was sleeping 11 - 11.5 hours straight at night and taking two 40 minute naps per day.  I knew there was room for improvement with the napping and I was working on blending sleep cycles during the day.  Overall, though, I couldn't complain and he was typically happy.  I would give anything for two small naps again!

Here's the issue.  Being a first time mom, I was very attached to him.  When he was a newborn I would on occasion  hold him through naps just for the cuddles.  But my biggest mistake is I always rock him to sleep.  I let him use a pacifier until it falls out. The pacifier falling out does not typically wake him up, so the pacifier does not bother me.

In the last few weeks his sleep has been less than stellar.  His daytime sleep is nonexistent.  He is extremely over tired and it has slightly affected his night time sleep.  I have tried to play catch up with the naps by taking him for walks to sleep and now allowing him to sleep in my arms.  I cannot seem to 'catch him up' though.  And I'm just creating more bad habits.  He had a cold a few weeks ago but I can't imagine it would cause this much damage.  He may be teething but I do not see anything.

I read Tracy's book in hopes for these few things:

Establish a better flow to our day.
Improve nap lengths and get him out of my arms again.
Teach him to fall asleep himself.
Get some You time.

Here's our current typical day.

Wake at 4:30am Ugh!!!
Wake again between 6/6:30am
Eat
Active - can only handle about 45 minutes because he is so over tired
Sleep - fight for a nap (usually lose)

Carry on back and forth between eating, active time and fighting for naps..

Eat at 5:30/5:45pm, bath, books, soothing (rocking)
Sleep by 6:30/7pm in his crib

I know he needs longer awake time but he is so tired that I try to get him to nap when I think I have the best odds for success.  Sleeping in my lap is not success though..  I am tired, feel like I have a leech attached to me and do not know where to start.  Starting solids is in the near future as well.  Any advice is much appreciated!

[anna*]

Hi there, welcome to the boards

It's up to you if you want to tackle everything at once - which is what I would do. I'd start by writing yourself out an age appropriate routine (so, 3hrs awake (including eating) before his first nap, and then using shush-pat and/or PUPD to settle him to sleep for his naps and at bedtime. At this age he can manage on two long naps but he won't give you the long naps without a sufficient A time. I know over tiredness is scary, but actually under tiredness can cause just as many problems if not more!

So his routine might be something like this:

6.30am awake and milk
9.30am nap 1.5hrs
11am awake and milk. Do a milk top up before his nap
2pm nap 1.5hrs
3.30pm awake and milk
5.30pm bath
6pm bedtime routine
6.30pm asleep for the night.

It's very normal for a baby his age to still need a feed overnight, so if he wakes at 4.30am (or whenever), I'd just quickly feed him and settle him back to sleep as quickly as possible.

[livingthedream]

Thank you for your reply.

I do understand what the schedule should look like for his age, but unfortunately I do not see how I am going to get there.  My son already has plenty of awake time during the day being that he fights off naps.  I am willing to keep him up for the recommended time period (and have done so before) but then I am just listening to him fuss, watching him yawn, and rub his eyes and face.  His over tiredness just grows and he has even more power in fighting the nap off.  That's why I have been trying to put him down when it seems I have the best odds.

I was hoping that maybe someone had some experience in breaking the overtired cycle.  My son currently cannot even nap for one sleep cycle.  He is so overtired that he cannot stay down.  There is no way that he will be able to sleep for 1.5 hours right off the bat.

Any thoughts on breaking the overtired cycle?

[anna*]

Sorry you don't like the advice  perhaps you could write out your current routine so we can see what is happening. Often the only way to get out of a cycle of undertired-> short nap-> overtired is to lengthen A times. Yes it is hard at first but t hen naps lengthen and they get used to the new routine.

[Kellyjs]

Hun  I have been where you are. Anna is totally right, if you don't extend the A times to something near appropriate for his age, he will continue to either fight the naps and not sleep or have an UT 40mims ones like you were having before. UT can cause just as many issues as OT. If he does take an UT nap or two, he will be OT by the end of the day and this won't help you much either.

I too was dubious about extending so far when I thought I should watch her cues. But it did work for me and we finally had a long napping bubba with great night sleep again. Until it was time to extend the A time again of course  Not saying it wasn't easy, DD used to give me all the sleepy cues early, but I had to ignore them a little and watch the clock too at this age. They can give you all those cues if they're hungry or bored or just want a change of scenery.

You will actually get the best odds of getting a nap near to his recommended A time hun, not when he's rubbing his face etc as just the change of scenery of going into the bedroom will give him a new lease of life and fight the nap yk?

Another thing you could try is w2s. I got great results with this, but it must be done close to their a time or else it won't work. I would go in at 30mims after he's fallen asleep for his nap, rouse him ever so slightly until you hear his breathing pattern change...you can do this by stroking his cheek or a hand on his shoulder and this should help see him over to the next sleep cycle. I'll post a link about this for you now. Hth x

How to address habitual wakings (w2s and other methods)

[livingthedream]

Thank you for the replies!

With him being so overtired, I just figured it was better that I try to play catch up with his sleep.  I understand what you are saying about the overtired/undertired relationship.  I was going to take him for a walk to nap this morning, but you ladies stopped me dead in my tracks.   

He woke up at 6am this morning, so I am going to try for a nap at 9am.  If I cannot get him to settle and sleep in his crib, should I let him sleep in my arms just to keep the EASY routine going and establish a pattern?  I know I would be sacrificing You time but that's something I've been doing all along.  Then I could work on getting him out of my arms later.  Or would you suggest I keep him in the crib?  If I keep him in the crib and he does not sleep, how do you suggest I proceed? 

Kellyjs, thank you for sharing your personal experience.  I know I am not alone but it sure can feel like it.  Hearing that sticking with it worked for you keeps me hopeful.    Thanks for the w2s link as well.

[anna*]

It's really up to you whether to establish a routine first and then work on independent sleep, but if it were me I would have him in his crib, and if he doesn't settle within an hour, do a little low key A time (say an hour) then try again for a nap in his crib. When you're starting sleep training it is quite common for them to skip a whole day of naps, but then to sleep better the first nap and the second day to be the start of an upward trend.

[livingthedream]

Thanks Anna!

I think i'm going to work on a routine then independent sleep.

I took him to his room at 8:30am, dimmed the lights, read a few stories, gave him a kiss and planned to have to rock him a bit.  He was out in less than a minute.  He will probably need some help getting through the nap, but this is a start!  Thank you for your help.

[anna*]

That's great! Keep us posted with how it's all going.

[Kellyjs]

Yay, good news!!