Need help teaching 5mo independent sleep

[SukieCat]

Hello!  DD is 5 months old and doesn't know how to fall asleep or resettle on her own.  I always rock or nurse her to sleep.  She also had poor weight gain at her 4 mo check up, so I've been purposely feeding her more often than typical to try to get lots of calories in her (and it seems to be working).  But, that means I'm nursing her to sleep more than ever.  I've read all of the FAQs but I still feel like I don't even know where to begin with teaching her independent sleep.  I also have a 3yo, so I don't have a lot of time to devote to this either, and half the time he's in her room while I'm trying to put her down, which can make it extra challenging. 

We typically aim for 2.5 hr A time, and I nurse her when she wakes and before she goes down for every sleep period.  She used to sleep alright overnight, only getting up once, but the past 2 or 3 nights she's been getting up multiple times and I'm not sure why.  I keep feeling her gums for teeth bumps, but I don't really feel anything in there yet.  Here's what our EASY looked like yesterday.  Normally I'd have done a catnap in the evening, but my parents were babysitting and they couldn't get her to sleep.

WU/E 7:30 (normally between 6-7)
A
E 9:30
S 10 - 11:45
E 11:45
A
E 1:45
S 2 - 3:40 (had to be resettled at 2:30)
E 4
A
E 5:40 (7oz expressed milk in bottles since we were out; babysitters couldn't get her to nap)
A
E 7:30
S 8pm
woke up hourly until 12:30am
E 12:30am
S
E 4am
S
WU/E 6:45am

Can anyone help me come up with a plan to work on independent sleep?     Thanks

[newkidontheblock]

Hi hun:) Could you tell me how you've been going about encouraging her to sleep independently so far? As in, could you describe your routine, wind down, room..everything really

I always rock or nurse her to sleep.

Step 1 would be weaning this, hun. And then never resorting to this unless extremely desperate. For this to work, you will need to be super consistent for a while. Would that be possible with your other LO? It must be so hard with two {hugs}

She also had poor weight gain at her 4 mo check up, so I've been purposely feeding her more often than typical to try to get lots of calories in her (and it seems to be working).  But, that means I'm nursing her to sleep more than ever.

Glad to hear she is getting back on track weight wise. To be completely honest, I never really followed any routine/schedule with feeds. I always nursed on demand. My method was to simply nurse on WU in the morning and from all naps. As A times lengthened, I was a bit worried about feeds being so far apart and so I would nurse twice in every A time (but not to sleep) , so once on WU and again around 45 minutes before the next nap. This way she is getting the calories but no prop ys? Basically EAEAS

[SukieCat]

For naps, I change her, swaddle her, nurse her.  She sleeps in her crib in her room.  We have room-darkening curtains and use a fan for white noise.  I really should stop using the swaddle for naps as she can roll over in the swaddle.  I check on her a lot, and so far she only rolls like that when she's awake, and she hates being on her belly so then she starts crying right away.  For nighttime, sometimes she gets a bath, then jammies, wearable sleep blanket, nurse, bed.  Transitioning from nursing to her bed is the hardest part, and if she wakes up during the transition then I rock her back to sleep.  If she's even the slightest bit awake in her crib, she brings her hands up to her face and rubs them all over, waking herself up more, so a lot of times I stand there and hold her arms down for a bit. 

To be honest, with the amount of nursing we do, it's kind of nice to be able to combine second nursing with nap put down, in terms of amount of the time it takes me and how long it takes me away from my other LO.  I'm wondering if I could start by working on going to bed at night without props, or if I would need to do it all at once? 

[newkidontheblock]

So with my LO, I found that keeping things calm for quite a bit before the nap was also necessary. Before going into her room and swaddling her, I would walk around the house closing curtains, singing the same songs softly for around 10 minutes. Then into her room to swaddle, sing sleepy song, sound machine on, lights off, out the door.

For nights, we do bath, massage (really helps to relax them), nurse, then burp, swaddle, sing sleepy song, PD , lights off, leave room.

The first step towards independent sleep would be weaning nursing to sleep. If you don't mind doing it, its fine but if it is affecting her ability to resettle at NWs etc, then maybe it is time? Then we introduced the 4 S wind down described by Tracy. In the beginning, I would hold DD till her eyes started closing and then PD. Gradually I PD awake. So it is a process. Hopefully she will find tummy sleeping appealing. After weaning the swaddle, I found DD sleeping tons better that way.

Also regarding using the swaddle for naps --  when we weaned, we had the same issue at nap time with her hands disturbing her. We had to make her room absolutely dark and we put a heavy folded sheet on her tucked in on both sides of the mattress. This way her hands were away while falling asleep but she could bring them out later.

[SukieCat]

Thanks for the suggestions.  How would you recommend dealing with crying then?  Based on the small number of times I've had to put her down awake and walk away for a couple min (bc 3yo needed something), there will be a lot of crying.  DD typically starts on her back, calm for about a min.  Then she flips onto her tummy, and it's like she's forgotten how to roll back onto her back.  She acts like she's stuck, starts grunting like she's working hard, and then starts crying.  Me patting her back and shushing her does nothing.  If I flip her back to her back she just flips back onto her tummy after approximately 3 seconds and starts crying again.  With my older DS I also found he slept better on tummy once he was no longer swaddled.  But this flipping and crying with DD has been going on for weeks.  I give her lots of floor time during the day to practice, but she basically does the same thing (although she is happier for longer before she starts crying). 

[newkidontheblock]

I'm so sorry but I can't be of much help when it comes to 2. I'm a FTM myself. Is there any way to keep him occupied while you put her down? A show or activity? Maybe you could get some suggestions/advice on the 2 under 2 board.

Regarding the flipping over, would you consider the heavy sheet I mentioned? That would at least prevent her from turning. And in time she should get more comfortable with tummy sleeping. WDYT?

[SukieCat]

Even if I just had DD, this process would involve a lot of her crying. It seems like I either have to let her cry with periodic checks and reassurance, or let her cry while I stand next to her and pat her back out whatever. But either way the first time I try to lay her down without props, she will be crying. That's the part I'm not sure how to handle.

I don't think we'll try the blanket, I'm not comfortable adding anything extra to the crib.   

[newkidontheblock]

Well, as it was explained to me by fellow mums on here, she is crying to protest the change, and that is normal. It will happen multiple times in her life when she wants something that she can't have for example. But we have to do what is in their best interests. So yes she will cry (I hope not though) but you will be there with her the entire time helping her through it, and that is truly what makes a difference. With my DD, I would write everything down so that I could *see* the progress we made. It is just important not to backslide or change lanes midway because that isn't fair to them yk? You can do this, hun. Here to support you through this

[SukieCat]

We've had a bit of a breakthrough.  Through no special changes on my part, DD has decided it's not so bad sleeping on her tummy.  Yay!  She is still being rocked/nursed to sleep, but if she happens to roll onto her tummy, she's ok and even sleeps better than before.  We do need to work on going to sleep on her own though, as naps today have been kind of awful.  Which brings me to my second discovery - she is definitely teething!  Today is the first day I've actually been able to see and feel a tooth bump on her bottom gums.  Fun times. 

I still don't really have a plan for what to do when she cries while trying to get to sleep.  Pat her back? Leave her be but just stay nearby? Pat her back for a min, stop for a min, repeat? I'm just not sure what's going to be soothing for her.  And I don't want to actually agitate her more by trying to be soothing, you know?  Thoughts?

[newkidontheblock]

You'll have to experiment to see what works with her. All your ideas sound good. The goal is to eventually do less and soothe with words:)