Really need 12wo to self settle

[Sleepykaz]

Not sure whether this belongs on props, then there were 2, or naps board so posting here. I'm in a situation that's really getting me down. I have a 12wo and a 26mo and despite wanting to encourage IS from the beginning I've been doing lots of AP to survive the early weeks, which I've been fine with. Problem is these methods are now starting to fail.

I've been reliant on sling naps during the day which I've been happy about as I could tend to DD1 whilst DD2 naps. The problem is now that DD2 is getting more aware of her surroundings she finds it really hard to fall asleep and stay asleep with noise around her. I have to stand in the kitchen with the extractor fan on to block out the toddler noise and if I leave the room the White noise on my phone gets held next to her ear. I can't play with DD1, change her nappy, or even talk to her as the slightest noise or movement from me wakes her. If I have a toddler free day she'll nap for 2-3hrs in the sling but with her sister around its 10-35mins so definitely affecting her.

I'm starting to get depressed and anxious so am hoping to arrange a few consecutive toddler free days to concentrate on self settling as I can only see the situation getting worse. In an ideal world I would like to be able to leave the toddler for 5mins while I take DD1 to her cot. Not sure what I'm asking for really, but any tips on how to get started would be very much appreciated. Anyone else been in the situation and managed to fix it in a few days?

[newkidontheblock]

No BTDT advice from me, hun but giving you a bump!

[Buntybear]

Hi - No BTDT advice but I would have thought it would be an idea to try and get some sleep training started now at 12 weeks old if you can manage it although just start with one nap. Can you put your eldest in front of the tv whilst you try? Maybe give yourself a limit of 15 mins of trying to get baby to sleep?

I guess you have read up on shh/pat?

A toddler free day sounds great if you can!

Hopefully someone with more experience of having 2 will come along soon x

[Emami]

Hi hun - well, I have two and my younger one did exactly as you described with naps getting more difficult when wearing her. So I do kind of have some btdt experience, but we were in the weird position of moving countries when DD2 was born, so we spent some time living with both sets of grandparents and I had extra hands for settling the baby or playing with my older one. By the time we got sorted in our own place DD2 could settle herself. But she did a lot of short naps, so I do understand having a tired crying baby and a bored older one. Will your baby sleep in the car seat or buggy?  Mine is a pest and doesn't really do that, but if yours does I would make the most of it and get out with DD1, run errands etc and let DD2 sleep. That's one nap you don't have to stress about, and as long as you're not doing it all the time it shouldn't affect her ability to become an independent sleeper.

I hate to say it, but in the beginning when I was home alone with both of them the tv helped a lot. DD1 watched more than usual but there's only so much you can do when there's one of you and two if them, yk?

Is DD1 home all the time? Just wondering about preschool or anything like that. It was very helpful to me to have my older one out the house for 2.5 days a week. That sounds a bit mean, it was obviously not to be rid of her, but just a relief to know that I could focus on the baby and naps without interruption during that time.

[*jazzberry*]

I agree with tv and focussing on one nap to start with, maybe the first one of the day? And could you use white noise in the room to help? For me it was invaluable with dd with 2 noisy older brothers..

[Sleepykaz]

Thanks for the bumps and advice! TV is almost always on at the moment and has been a bit of a lifesaver! Doesn't stop her from shouting MUMMY! every 5mins tho! We didn't get the double pram til she was about 8 weeks old so doesn't really like it and will only sleep in the car seat if the car is moving. Agree about the White noise, already use it and seems to help block out unwanted noise.

So, I think we 'might' have some progress. I've been holding her til her eyes close, then instead of waiting 10-15mins like I usually do I've been putting her straight down. She'll wake straight up and start crying which is when I put my hand on her chest (she doesn't like shush pat). She continues to cry so I pick up and start again.

The first nap took 3 pick ups, the second took two, and the third took one! Kind of like PUPD I guess although I'm putting her down more asleep than drowsy.

A bit sceptical though as when she was 9 weeks old we had 5 days like this and then she hit her 3rd wonder week and it all stopped. We're due to enter the 4th one in 2 days so I'm not hopeful.

[lauradj]

I have two under two and it can definitely be a handful!  The one thing I found was key was consistency for both the baby and the toddler.  With DS1, I told him he could be in the room for story time but had to stay outside while I lay DS2 down in his crib.  He had a hard time waiting at first and there were two times when I had to have a firm word with him but then he understood the sooner I can get DS2 down, the sooner DS1 gets me all to himself. 
Until he found his thumb I did use the soother to get DS2 back to sleep when he would wake at the 45 minute mark.  Honestly though, if I have DS1 at home, the first nap happens on the go, the second nap they both sleep at roughly the same time and the third nap happens while I'm cooking dinner.  It's just what has to happen.  I also make it a point to ensure we always get out in the morning, be it to the park, gymnastics, a walk, whatever!  It helps DS2 sleep and helps DS1 shake out the sillies.