Last stop before Cry It Out - Please help!!

[Lumukanda]

Hi All - my 5.5 month old is giving us tremendous grief! Please help if you can. Our little girl is a sweetheart and a Textbook baby during the day, but her night has gone to hell in a hand basket. She's never been a good nighttime sleeper, but things are getting worse and worse and my husband and I are absolutely desperate.

She wakes up all night long and nothing will soothe her. We've ruled out any obvious medical issues. We've tried Shhh-Pat for her first few months of life (with a bit of improvement at first, but then back to her old ways), replacing the dummy a million times per night (even that has stopped working), using a swaddle and a dummy (we still use this - have taken both away at different times, with no success) - and PU/PD for the past 1.5 months. We are no better off than when we began; in fact, things are worse. We are going to have to let her cry it out if we can't tweak her schedule or find something else obvious that is hindering her sleep. Our older daughter (3yo) is facing significant health problems, and we are in the middle of a move and job problems, and are absolutely at our wits' end. Please help if you can!!

Wake up: 5:45am
Eat: 6:30am
A: 6:45 - 7:30
Sleep: 7:30 - 9:15
Eat: 10:00am
A: 10:15-11:15am
S: 11:15am - 1:00pm
E: 1:15pm
A: 1:30 - 3:30
S: 3:30 - 4:15pm
S: 6:30pm
DF: 10:30pm

She usually screams (despite our best efforts) until around 8:00pm, then wakes up 30 minutes after falling asleep (screaming until we find a way to get her back to sleep), then again at 10:15pm and all throughout the night.

She is bottle-fed breastmilk. We've tried feeding her lots more during the day, and it doesn't seem hunger-related.

Thank you so much for your attempts at helping out a very stressed out family.

[becj86]

Hi there

I'm sure you know we are against CIO here at BW.

Looking at your routine, I can see she's getting a lot of daytime sleep with much too short A times for her age - that will likely be causing the night to be pretty ordinary.

I'd suggest working to increase her A times to 2:30 to 2:45, you might even get up to 3hr by the time you've got her routine stabilised. She could well be wanting to drop that catnap.

What I'd jump to now (and tweak from here) is something like this:
6 - wake, eat
8:30 - nap (expect she may wake at 30min in the first few days of increasing her A time - be there from 25min to resettle while she gets used to it then she should be fine to sleep the nap herself)
10:30 - wake, eat
1:00 - nap
3 - wake
5:30 - catnaps (30 min)
7:30 - bedtime

Obviously a nap of 1.5hr is fine and I suspect more likely once she shifts her sleep to the night and that would bring BT an hour earlier.

[lauradj]

Hello my dear!  We will help you however we can, please do not let your LO cry it out.  I do understand how frustrated you are but know that allowing your child to cry alone with no understanding of why will not solve the root problem.
First off, I think your LO could use an A time push.  At 5 months, LO's are usually awake for 2.5-3 hrs.  Not all babies conform to those times but I can see from your schedule that she's barely awake for 2 hrs usually, so I wonder if a push would help.  You will need to do this consistently for at least a week before you likely see a change but please give it a try.  I would suggest you try to keep her up and going for 2.25 hrs for the first 3/4 days, and if that goes well, you can try again to push to 2.5.  I would go beyond that at this point until you see how the push affects her.  I've included an A time link below for you to consult, and a few other helpful links.  Keep me posted and ask any questions you need to!

Average A times- BOOKMARK ME!
Research on why 'cry it out' and 'controlled crying' is NOT recommended!
All about the 3-2 transition- 5/6 months

[Lumukanda]

Hi Laura, thanks for your thoughtful reply!

I am not a fan of cry it out and have read the literature, but as I mentioned, we have extremely difficult life challenges currently (most significantly our older daughter's medical problems) and cannot keep up at the pace we are. We have been up almost the whole night for almost three months trying shhhh-pat and PU/PD. So, this comes from a place of exhaustion and desperation.

I waited for the 2 hours between wake times today, but as my poor babe is overtired from not sleeping much at all during the night, she woke after 35 minutes of sleep both naps. Then do I allow her a longer nap in the afternoon if she will take one? I get worried that I'm causing her to become even more over-tired. She sleeps in 20 minute bursts overnight, with a couple of 1 or 2 hour stretches and is very exhausted.

Thank you!!!

[lauradj]

Honestly, if your babe has a crummy nap in the morning, let her make it up in the afternoon.  I do that with my DS2 all the time.  My measure is, as long as he's getting 4.5 hrs of day time sleep, we're good.  I don't care where it happens or how, as long as he gets it.  Things will definitely be a little sideways for a bit until your LO starts to feel the effects of staying awake longer, i.e., she'll actually be tired and want to sleep but it should start to even out within a few days. 
Do you have family close by who can help you with your kids for a bit?  A baby-sitter you can call on for day time help?  It would be very challenging to have to high needs children at the same time, and exceptionally stressful for Momma!

[Lumukanda]

Thank you Laura, I will do that! I had hesitated to change her naps since that is where she gets the longest stretches of sleep, but I think your suggestions are wise and I'm taking them!

Yes, we are fortunate to have my mother in town, and she helps a lot with watching the kids for dr. appointments, etc. but doesn't watch them overnight (my older daughter has had a feeding tube placed for overnight feeds, gets injections before bedtime, etc. so it's rather involved). Fortunately, in two weeks we are moving much closer to my mother, which will help significantly!

Thank you so much for your insights, and I will post again to say how we're getting on. xx

[Lumukanda]

Hi Laura - wanted to update that the two-hour awake times have been helpful, because my baby girl has been doing much better at night! Not perfect, but significantly better at falling and staying asleep. What a relief! I'm so grateful for your sage advice. xx

[lauradj]

HURRAY!!     That's wonderful news, I'm so glad to hear things have improved.  Thanks for the update, we always like to know how people are doing

[Cbusmama]

Hi there!  I am glad things are improving.  I was following bc I am a part of a FB sleep group that is supportive of CIO and it makes me so uncomfortable (but sometimes wonder if I am not "doing it right" by not CIO).  Anyways, my LO was recently up a lot and I was about to die doing shh/pat all night.  I finally put a down comforter and pillow next to her bed and put my arm in her crib and just rubbed her leg until she was quiet.  Sounds crazy, but I was less exhausted if I was laying down.  A few nights I fell asleep that way (and it was actually pretty comfortable).  She has been STTN for the past 3 days again (her top two teeth just broke through), but this really saved my sanity for the month plus of no sleep due to ear infection, then bad cold, then teething. 

Good luck

[Kellyjs]

Hi cbusmama, just saw your post, it's lovely. Thanks so much for sharing! I wish your fb group had the same patience and dedication as you obviously do, well done hun xx