Author Topic: Omg I'm new to this.  (Read 2785 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline LadyA

  • New & Learning The Ropes
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 37
  • Location:
Re: Omg I'm new to this.
« Reply #45 on: September 06, 2015, 23:09:52 pm »
She took another 40 min nap from 530-6:10 so when do I put her to bed ???

Offline *Ali*

  • Breast Feeding & Pregnancy/Childbirth
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 373
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 22301
  • Caught in the act!
  • Location: London uk
Re: Omg I'm new to this.
« Reply #46 on: September 06, 2015, 23:50:51 pm »
I'd try for 8ish
Cadan Dec 2009 and Colby Aug 2011


Offline LadyA

  • New & Learning The Ropes
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 37
  • Location:
Re: Omg I'm new to this.
« Reply #47 on: September 07, 2015, 19:20:04 pm »
Something just isn't working and I'm getting overwhelmed cause it should be easier but it's actually getting worse. Today won't nap more than 40 min even made sure to have 3-3.5 A times and still just not staying asleep. Cannot resettle naps cannot resettle night wakings without feeding and even then I'm spending over an hour at every waking soothing her. This is not working at all what do I do? I need help I need this to show improvement cause I'm loosing it here with the amount of sleep I have had in the last 4 days

Offline becj86

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 346
  • Posts: 10859
  • Location: Brisbane, Australia
Re: Omg I'm new to this.
« Reply #48 on: September 08, 2015, 03:46:05 am »
3.5hr could well still be too little for her - DS was over 4hr A time at 8 months. That was a starting point. Its something you have to stick with consistently for at least a week, probably 2 or 3 given she's not really had a routine til now - you're creating new habits. There generally is a regression after the initial improvement and that is the time when it is most important to keep everything consistent with what you had been doing in the previous days.

Offline creations

  • Feeding Solid Food & EASY
  • Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 496
  • Posts: 21993
  • Location: UK
Re: Omg I'm new to this.
« Reply #49 on: September 08, 2015, 09:56:18 am »
Big hugs. You do sound totally exhausted.

First. Is there anyone at all other than your DH who can step in and give you a hand?
I was on my own for DS's first year. I didn't have a single lay in until he was 19 months and I honestly know there are times you reach the end of what can be managed in terms of sleep deprivation. When I was absolutely at the breaking point I asked my mum for help (she was very little help even then, I really needed to be desperate) and I would get her to do the A time, the fun part of holding and cooing whilst I rested or tried to sleep or stepped out the door for a breath of fresh air.  Then I took over again for nap time which was the hard part.
Is there anyone at all you can call in just for one or two days to help with one or two A times so you can nap?

Second. Has it been decided that reflux and allergies are all under control?  Have you had meds checked for the right dosage etc?
My boy back arched and screamed his head off when he had reflux pain.  However he could also back arch when he was UT as he was trying to show me he was not ready for a nap (so wouldn't snuggle into me for his wind down) and just to add to the mix he also back arched when he was ready for me to lay him down (if I didn't lay him down soon enough he would end up crying and back arching of course with him crying I thought I had to hold him but I learned that putting him down he could almost instantly stop crying with a little adapted shush/pat because he wanted his bed).  Back arching in my mind can mean a few different things. Do you get a gut feeling or notice any slight difference in the back arching and crying perhaps? Maybe being aware next time you might notice something.
If she is in pain there is no amount of sleep training which is going to stop her being in pain. You do need to be pretty sure the reflux/allergy/teething is controlled or medicated first.

Third. (and only if the point above is a 'yes') It seems to me the gentle increase of A times is not helping you (partly because she is not sleeping much, partly because it is like a long term sleep deprivation for you).  Tracy increased A times far more rapidly than we tend to suggest here on the forums.  For some LOs small increases are fine, even preferable. However, in your case it may be more productive to go for more of an 'all in' method. Grit your teeth and get a routine in place. Very hard for a few days and absolutely must be consistent but could have more rapid results for you.  In the book Tracy begins a new routine with a LO by starting with the set times of when the nap should be, LO is kept awake by any means possible for that A time (Tracy said do a fan dance if necessary) then they are put to bed and helped to sleep (adapted shush/pat in your case). Regardless of how long it takes LO to get to sleep they are woken when the nap is timed to be over to begin their next A time - even if LO took so long to get to sleep that they have only slept 30 mins. They are got up and kept awake for the full next A time until the next nap is due. This may not be easy but I think that's where the fan dance comes in.  When it is time for the next nap they are again put to bed and helped to sleep.  If LO wakes before the nap is due to end you stay to resettle for 45 mins, if LO doesn't fall back to sleep you get her up and feed her (which may be a bit early). If LO falls asleep towards the end of the nap time you still wake her at the end of nap time to begin A time.  It sounds harsh. It is certainly hard work. But it could be just the ticket for you./ What do you think?
If you choose to go forward on this you would need absolute consistency for several days.  The idea is that you are not just 'helping' LO to sleep by soothing but you are 'teaching' her, 'telling' her that it is time to sleep.  I would suggest a 4hr first A time with the other A times being a bit shorter.
Here is an example, this is not a set-in-stone routine but more of a starting point for working out a routine if you choose to go ahead. I'd welcome pps to comment on the suitability or changes which could be made to this sample routine before it's implemented and if they suggest a long nap with CN or two long naps with a later BT.

7 WU
A 4hr
S 11 - 12.30
A 3.5
S 4 - 4.40 CN (or 4-5.30 full nap)
A 3
BT 7.40 if there was a CN (or 8.30 if there was a full second nap)

Finally. It is important to keep reminding yourself this will not be for ever. you will get through this no matter who tired you feel now, this is just a phase.
hugs


Offline LadyA

  • New & Learning The Ropes
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 37
  • Location:
Re: Omg I'm new to this.
« Reply #50 on: September 08, 2015, 19:41:24 pm »
Thank you for the support. Unfortunately my husband is in the army and I have no one here. I was so desperate this morning I attempted to beg the lady who has taken my family photos to come entertain my child. But in the end it's just me. Last night was awful again literally screaming from overtired had to do a car ride which I had avoided using for weeks because of it being a prop but it was to the point of hell. Then she was up constantly. She just wants to sleep on me and I have no idea why it's nothing I have ever done consistently to become a prop she would randomly nap on me in the past few months... As for pain I have a pediatrician appt tomorrow. She is as of yesterday getting her top teeth but I have been medicating round the clock to help. Her reflux is under control I can tell cause she isn't spitting up and I had her dosage adjusted to her weight 2 weeks ago. If she has another allergy then I'm at a loss hopefully her dr can look into something. I'm gonna be sad if it's soy cause I do not think I can give up soy and dairy to breastfeed. I'm having a hard enough time.

I think your right an all in or nothing approach will be best I just do not think starting mid teething is a good idea but will there ever be a good time? And to be honest I have to get some sleep before I can start... So might have to wait till after this next weekend or start on Friday so I have my husband sat and Sunday to help. 4 hours seems so long but will help with the nap/feeding schedule. Honestly even last week what the biggest issue is the nightwakings. Once she wakes up she won't resettle in the crib. She just cries :( she wants to sleep on me nothing I'm doing is working to get her back to sleep so I'm so tired and frustrated. I was loosing it this morning when she got up at 5 am I was in tears calling my mom.

Offline *Ali*

  • Breast Feeding & Pregnancy/Childbirth
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 373
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 22301
  • Caught in the act!
  • Location: London uk
Re: Omg I'm new to this.
« Reply #51 on: September 08, 2015, 22:47:53 pm »
I would be sure to mention the frequent, crying wakings to the paed as it does sound like discomfort.
Cadan Dec 2009 and Colby Aug 2011


Offline LadyA

  • New & Learning The Ropes
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 37
  • Location:
Re: Omg I'm new to this.
« Reply #52 on: September 09, 2015, 01:23:35 am »
I plan to. My question about getting her to sleep is this. Pu/pd is to much for her spiritedness but I dunno what to do. If she is calm she can hold my hand and fall asleep. But when she wakes up she rolls onto back kicks and cries and just screams if I try to put her back on her tummy. She doesn't sleep on her back. What can I do I know i can't keep picking her up and cuddling her but I'm at a loss. Tonight she went down blah. She had an awful 14 hour day with 30-40 min naps and bedtime has been crap. Been up 3 times in 2 hours 😩 now she is in the bouncer asleep I feel crappy did resorting to props but I'm at a loss. I can't let her sleep on me which is her preferred way. I just don't know what to do. Shush pat does nothing cause she is crying from being on her back and rolls when I put her on her tummy.

Offline creations

  • Feeding Solid Food & EASY
  • Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 496
  • Posts: 21993
  • Location: UK
Re: Omg I'm new to this.
« Reply #53 on: September 09, 2015, 09:04:07 am »
I hope your appointment brings some answers today. It does sound like pain to me. It sounds like she wants to be elevated (sleeping on you) and the comfort you give whilst she is not feeling well.
Do you have her cot elevated?  I used a stack of cot blocks and a wedge which are considered safe.  It could make a big difference to her comfort level.

What solids are you giving? Is there any chance she is getting wind or a reflux flare up from something?  Even when my DS's reflux was under control with meds he could still have flare ups with certain foods. and FWIW not all reflux babies spit up, mine had silent reflux, only when he was at his absolute worst and un-medicated did he spit up and it was not his full milk feed but part of it . Our GP said my LO didn't have reflux based on this, however within minutes of seeing a paediatrician at the hospital he was diagnosed and given medication.  Later, when his meds needed an increase the GP again said he didn't need it and was on maximum dose for weight. He was actually on quarter dose and in pain.  Again the paediatrician was able to set the correct dose.  You might want to ask for a second opinion or referral to a senior to have her checked.