9 month awake all evening but sleeping through the night!

[clcurtis]

Please help! For the last 7 weeks I have been putting my 9 month old to bed in the evening as usual and after 40 minutes he's back awake and won't settle for another couple of hours.

His EASY routine is as follows:

7am Milk (Breast, both sides 10 mins)
8am Solids
9:50am Sleep (approx 1.5 to 2.5 hrs)
12:15pm Milk (Breast, one side 3 mins)
1:15pm Solids
3:15pm Sleep (approx 1 hr) 
4:15pm Milk (Breast, one side 3 mins)
5pm Solids
5:45pm Bath
6:10pm Milk (Breast, 5 mins)
7pm Sleep

Eat
He eats 120ml savoury and approx 40ml sweet three times a day. Baby cereal for breakfast with a fruit purée or natural yoghurt, a veggie based lunch and fruit/yoghurt and meat or fish based dinner with fruit/yoghurt. He also drinks about 200ml of filtered water each day. 

He is still breastfed and I have reduced his two middle feeds last week so he only takes one breast rather than the two.

Activity
His activity time is usually spent on the living room floor playing with toys. A few times a week his grandpa takes him for a walk in the pram when he wakes from his afternoon nap. Some days I take him out in the car to run errands after his morning nap, and some days were more than most before this week so I didn't go stir crazy, but this week we have been in the house playing with toys again.

Sleep
Before his day naps we have 10 minutes of wind down watching a lovely gentle TV programme called Cloudbabies, I give him a dummy and place him in his cot saying "tired boy" with his comforter and he goes down very easily.  Sometimes a little cry but falls asleep pretty quickly.  In the evening we watch a 30 minute TV program called In the Night Garden, then read a small story before he has his dummy and place him in his cot saying "tired boy" and he goes down usually with a little cry, more than the daytime but he goes off to sleep.  We only started watching TV before bed three weeks before the trouble started as it helped to get any wind up before going down. However some nights we skip the TV and just have a quick story.

Up until 7 weeks ago I wouldn't hear from him until 7am the next morning. Bliss! Over the last 7 weeks we've had numerous night waking which I think I've now resolved by increasing his solids intake during the day.  We did however break all the rules working out the night waking by rocking, offering milk feeds and even bring him in to bed with us despite me swearing never to do these things after we worked so hard at 12 weeks to get him into his routine.

He now struggles to make it to 7pm in the evening and I find I'm putting him down anytime from 6:20pm and after his first sleep cycle he's screaming which I'm assuming is an emotional cry as he has tears rolling down his little red face and there are no breaks in his crying and I'm unable to settle him. I've tried shh pat, rocking, feeding, Cloudbabies the lot.  I end up bringing him downstairs and he plays with his toys in the living room once we've had a cuddle and he's calmed down.  I can tell he's really overtired as his playing becomes really erratic.  Then between 9pm and 10pm I try Cloudbabies again with a bottle of breast milk and he's calm enough for me to put in his cot sometimes awake and sometimes asleep with rocking and he sleeps through until we wake him at 7pm (otherwise he'd sleep until 8am!).

All this change coincided with him holding his ear which we found out 4 weeks later that he had an ear infection which was treated with a weeks course of antibiotics. He still holds his ear in the evening when he's crying even though the doctor gave him the all clear so I'm assuming is teething even though he is yet to cut a tooth! It also coincided with a leap on the Wonder Weeks app which has never really affected him before as he was such a good sleeper. That leap has been and gone and he's still the same. He's also become quite clingy to me in the evenings when I bring him downstairs. If I try to put him down or give him to his father he cries and holds out for me.  In the past 7 weeks he's learnt to crawl, pull himself up to standing and stand in his cot. I thought once he'd mastered that he would calm down again, but no.

I've tried numerous teething remedies and I've been giving him both baby paracetamol and ibuprofen every evening for 7 weeks! I've ordered an amber anklet which I'm waiting to receive to see if that helps.

He's always been quite windy and before this started I found he would wake after 40 mins, I'd pick him up and wind him and he's fall asleep on my shoulder while winding and he'd go straight back down. This doesn't happen now.

I've tried leaving him to cry but I've read that you should never leave an emotional cry and also you shouldn't use CIO if they are unwell or teething which I think he might be. But then I've read that if he's teething he'll only wake occasionally and not habitually and this seems to be every evening. Plus I've read that if they stop crying as soon as you pick them up then there is nothing wrong with them which he does (if I pick him up that is). He sometimes sobs for a little bit after I pick him up if I've left him cry too long.  I just don't know what to do. I've added my pyjama top in his cot so he can smell me and it may have helped with the night waking. I've added his favourite teddy. This is so out of character. My angel text book child has turned into someone unrecognisable.

I'm not sure if this is teething, or separation anxiety, or if he's playing us, or if there is something both myself and the doctors have missed? I'm at the end of my tether. My husband is off work sick with kidney stones and I have visitors coming this weekend and with my son awake all evening I'm not getting anywhere with getting everything organised for our guests! This cannot have come at a worse time! Please help!

[clcurtis]

Can any body help?? I'm desperate!

[Kellyjs]

Hi and welcome to BW 

Firstly, just to get it out of the way, we don't support CIO here as Tracy believed it broke the bonds of trust between a LO and it's caregiver. There's just no need for it really hun. He's trying to tele you something and the ethos of Tracy's teachings were to listen to our LO's. I think that's why you're finding he's extra clingy with you atm, don't worry though this can be fixed. I'll post a link for you at the end.

I think your A times need increasing hun, they're just way too short for a 9mo. See here Average A times- BOOKMARK ME! . Especially that first A. Could you extend that by 15mins, hold for 3 days then look at extending again? I would also cal that nap at 1.5hrs. He's also having a lot of day sleep, which could account for the poor sleeping at night.

I would also not bring him out of his room at all, especially to play after BT hun. This won't help with what you're trying to tell him in that it's night time and time for sleep. I know it's hard, maybe just taking him out of his room into another darkened room might help instead? A comfort item like a teddy is a really good thing to introduce , just like you've done, works wonders at this age.

And last but not least, I would really drop the amount of solids hun. BM has to be his main source of nutrition up until he's 1yo. Solids has no where near the amount of calories or sustenance he needs yet. Can I suggest you drop down the amount you're giving him and add in an extra BF? Or increase where you were. Just let him take as much as he wants. Babies can self regulate very well.

Maybe we can skip the BT TV too? Studies have shown that it can affect the brains ability to switch off for sleep even in adults. Maybe just giving it a go for the next couple of weeks whilst we sort everything out? A couple of books instead might be a nice way to wind down together? What do you think?

I've just realised this post seems a little negative hun, I'm sorry. I just wanted to address all your points. I know you're trying the best you can that's why you're here. I'm sure we can work all this out ok? We just have to work on quit a few things all at once!

So to summarise..
Can you look over this link for me and implement that? Also reduce the solids and up the BM. Increase the first A by 15mins and cap the nap at 1.5hrs, keep the second nap where it is. And ditch the TV for BT. Doable? Wdyt? Xx

Regaining Trust of Your Child

P.s could you try and see the dr again just to rule out another ear infection? If he's still holding it it may be that it flared up again xx

[clcurtis]

Hi Kellyjs,

Thank you for your reply.  I was absolutely heartbroken when I read that I had lost his trust and a little dumbfounded. I only left him cry a couple of times and it was no more than 5 minutes as I realised that he was crying an emotional cry and not a protest cry.  I took him to the doctors today to check him out and he thinks that all him symptoms suggest teething and the reason he is clingy is that he's in pain.

Our visitors have been and gone and I am now trying to put in to place the actions you suggested.

We've increased his A times where we can.  I'm finding it harder than ever now though to put him down for his day naps as I think he is becoming over tired.  I'm finding that he's crying much more, so much so I've had to start rocking him to sleep for nap time whereas before he was going down ok.

I've let him take what he wants from the breast but speaking to the doctor I have been advised to continue with the amount of solids as he's a big baby and they think he is going through a growth spurt.

We've stopped the TV before BT however I'm finding it hard to not take him out of his room when he wakes.  He wakes up crying so hard that he is totally inconsolable.  I don't know what to do with him. He pushes against me and won't calm down.  I've tried rocking him, feeding him walking around with him until two hours or more have passed and I lose the will to live and take him downstairs.  Could it be that he's in pain and he gets distracted from it by being downstairs so he can calm down and sleep?

I'm convinced this is teething it's just I don't know how to cope with it.

[Kellyjs]

Sorry hun, I don't want to feel bad  , we all do what we can as mums. I thought you'd allowed him to CIO. If you are responding when he needs you to, I'm sure it'll all be ok. In any case if he is experiencing a little of separation anxiety because of the teething that link will really help too. The idea is to use your words as much as possible and tell him you'll be back in a minute and do so. Play peekaboo where you hide and reappear all jolly, that helps as well. He'll see then that mummy always comes back.

It could well be that he's in pain and the change of scenery is helping. If you can though, perhaps keep him where it's dark, so maybe another bedroom if you have one? Downstairs is really for play time if you can. It is so hard when they're crying like that hun, problem is we want to make sure when all this teething passes that he knows if he wakes at night, going downstairs and playing won't be an option yk?

Teething sucks hun, there's no two ways about it. We have to just get through it. Repeat the phrase over and over 'it's just a phase, it will pass' ans it does, I promise. Ibuprofen for teeth works really well as I think I said before? Medicate as often as is allowed. Raising one end of the mattress with a couple of towels under one end helps a little too. ((Hugs)) sweetie, we've all been there. Just do all you can to get him through, but as Tracy said, just try and not implement anything now you're not willing to see through long term. Just try and be as consistent as you can, I promise you, it worked really well for me. I had things that I wasn't prepared to do and stuck with it xx

[clcurtis]

Hi Kellyjs,

I just wanted to give you an update. I implemented all your suggestions and we had no change so I started thinking outside the box and started to observe him.  While watching him I realised he coughed a lot during the day and was very windy.  The doctor asked me when I took him back to get his ear checked if he had a cough and I didn't think he had. Once I started observing him I noticed he would burp, make a face as if something sour was in his mouth and then cough.  We took him back today and he's been diagnosed with reflux.

We've made a few simple changes, tilted his cot, brought his dinner time forward to 4:30pm, feeding him more upright, giving him blander food and it has made the world of difference.  Last night he woke after 20 minutes as usual and let out an almighty scream.  I picked him up and comforted him while keeping him upright and within 5 minutes he was asleep again and slept all through the night.  Tonight he fell asleep at 7:15pm and he woke about 10pm with a cough.  I watched him on the monitor and he sat upright in his cot wobbling about as he was still half asleep but couldn't lie back down again, poor love.  I picked him up again, 5 min cuddle while keeping him upright and he's sleeping again with no crying.

I feel like we have turned a massive corner.  I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner.  I feel terrible that he's been in pain the past 8 weeks but hopefully that's the end of it and I have my happy little boy back.

Thank you for your advice.

[Kellyjs]

Hi hun, well done you. The ethos of Tracy's teachings were to observe our LO 's and you've done exactly that. We did wonder if it was discomfort didn't we?

I'm so glad everything is much better for you hun. Do pop by the reflux board as there is some great advice there too in the FAQ. Xx

[clcurtis]

Hi Kellyjs,

I'm hoping you can help with some more advice please.  When I last messaged we'd had massive improvements to his evening sleeping but we seemed to have started new problems.  The doctor prescribed him gaviscon and put him on aptimel pepti 2 as the thought was reflux with a dairy intolerance.  This has helped in the fact that he's not awake for hours all evening screaming, however now he doesn't let me put him down in his cot and I was up until a week ago rocking him to sleep.  As he is now 13 months old he's getting so heavy it is really putting pressure on my back so for the last week after advice from the hv I did his usual wind down routine and placed him in his cot and left the room.  He cries intermittently for 40 minutes until he falls asleep, the same amount of time it takes for me to rock him to sleep.  He doesn't wake again then until the morning.  I know that CIO is against all the rules but I was at the end of my tether and felt I had tried everything else.  When reading about it I was expecting the crying to get shorter every night, but the last couple of nights it's worse and my heart can't take it.  I know you're going to tell me I've broken his trust and I'm so upset with myself but I really don't know what to do.

He sleeps so well in the day which keeps making me think it's his tummy, but he's recently been prescribed ranitidine and there is still no change so now I don't know.  I've tried reducing his two naps to an hour each, I've tried increasing his naps to 2.5 - 3 hours in total and it's still the same.  I don't know if he's scared of his cot? But he sleeps so well in his cot during the day I don't know why it would be different in the evening? I don't know if I should put him down 40 minutes later as this seems to be the point he falls asleep each night?  It has been 5 months since this sleeping problem started now and its exhausting. 

All the points in the regaining the trust link you sent before I do.  I just don't understand why he won't go off on his own.

[clcurtis]

Another thing I was wondering was if he needed to transition to one nap? But as he goes down so easily in the day I'm not sure?

[clcurtis]

Sorry for all the posts but now I'm wondering if it's actually separation anxiety.  I was reading the post about separation anxiety in toddlers Separation Anxiety in Toddlers and it seems like he's showing all the traits.  The problem is he cries out when I try to put him in his cot and grabs for me.  Any tips? He is also in the box room 6'x6' so don't know how I can gradually retreat? Should I allow him to fall asleep on me again to build his security back up after the last week? Or go cold turkey with him in the cot? Thanks x

[Kellyjs]

It might well be SA following the CIO hun. I'm sorry to say  . If you ever feel as lost as that again, please know that we are here to help before you need to feel like that's the only way. That's what we do here. He may cry for the same period of time but at least you're there and he doesn't get chance to feel like he's scared of the cot yk?

Is it just BT that's an issue? Does he sleep in his cot for naps ok or is he sleeping elsewhere for those? It could well be UT for BT, but if you post what the last couple of days looked like I'm sure we can help. However, I must insist that anything we do from now on in doesn't include CIO again, are you happy to use other methods than this? Xx

[clcurtis]

I only did the CIO for a week and the SA has been there for long before that, but I know it hasn't helped matters and I promise I won't be doing it again.

He's perfectly fine for naps. I put him in his cot awake, say sleep tight to him and his teddies, he plays with his dummies and then waves to me as I leave the room.

His pattern is:

7am Wake, formula
8am Breakfast
10am Biscuit and water
10:15am Sleep
11:45am Wake
12:30pm Lunch
2pm Biscuit and water
3:05pm Sleep
4pm Wake
5pm Dinner
6:20pm Bath
6:45pm Story
7pm Bed
7:45pm Falls to sleep

Tonight, I read to him for a bit longer until 7:40ish and put him in his cot.  He cried so took him out a couple of times for a cuddle. Then I laid on the floor and put on some lullabies until he fell asleep which was about 30 mins.  He did cry on and off and I just shh'd him occasionally touching his leg.  Is this ok?

[Kellyjs]

This is perfect and actually what I'd suggest doing after the CIO blip and the fact he might have a little SA at BT. Did you find he fell asleep easier with the slightly later BT dyt?

I think we did to shift your day a little bit, but wait to hear about the later BT. There may definitely be a need to shift closer to one nap, but it'll be hard to tell atm. I want to give it a a couple of days with you there with him at BT to see if that settles down a bit first. Well done you though, it might take a bit of time and you won't have to be in there forever, but I do think it will help in the short term xx

[clcurtis]

Tonight was horrendous 

We did a later bath and wind down but he was really restless when reading him a story and was rubbing his eyes loads in the bath so I tried to put him in his cot at 7:20pm but he just cried and cried.  There was no let up at all.  I tried to cuddle him every so often but the minute I put him in his cot he screamed.  This was worse than the CIO cry  and tonight there were no breaks in his crying and he didn't lie down once.  After 40/50 minutes I ended up pulling him out of his cot and cuddling him to sleep again. 

We did wake up slightly later today (40 mins) as I'm not feeling at all well with a blazing cold, and I did give him a tomato based pasta which we've been avoiding because of the reflux so I'm not sure if that was the cause of tonight?

What do I do if he's crying inconsolably in his cot? Do I keep him in there and let him cry with me in the room? Do I communicate with him? Or do I get him out and cuddle him? Tonight there was no way he was going back in his cot without screaming the place down.  Heartbreaking 

[Kellyjs]

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry it's tough atm. I'm wondering if he's picked up your cold? Or it could well be discomfort as you mentioned. If you want to try new foods, it normally best to try them at lunch time so you can see if it upsets them.

I would've done the exact same thing if the cry was that bad. Cuddles are definitely better for you both. We've all had these rough nights. DD was up every 2hrs last night too 

Would you mind posting what yesterday looked like including naps and NW's? Just so we can keep a log of the days when the BT was awful.. Gives us something to go on. Huge ((hugs)), you really are doing so well and we will fix this ok? Xx

[clcurtis]

I'm worried he's getting my cold too, plus he does have a load of new teeth coming through and he keeps rubbing his nose and mouth so that could be adding to things.

Yesterday went like this:

7:40am Woke/formula
8:30am Breakfast
10:30am Sleep
11:35am Wake
12:30pm Lunch
2:45pm Nap
4:15pm Woke
5pm Dinner
6:45pm Bath
7pm Story
7:20pm Bed
8:10pm Sleep

I cut out the last milk feed before bed a couple of weeks ago to see if reflux has something to do with it but I've seen no change.  I'm wondering if I should start it up again? He is very clingy to me these days whenever I leave the room.  However he does allow me to leave when he has his milk.  I'm half tempted to give him his tippy cup in his cot to see if it allows me to leave the room!

[Kellyjs]

I'd keep the BT milk if you see this early enough to do it tonight. I can definitely see what you're trying to do, but perhaps that might have confused him as he wants his BT milk? Anything to make BT easier eh?

I'll pop back when I've put DD to bed to have a look at the routine for you xx

[Kellyjs]

So teething will definitely cause havoc at nighttime as you know. Just try and medicate with ibuprofen as often as you can (every 6hrs I think) for the time being. But I do think it shouldn't be causing too much of an issue going down at BT per se. Especially of you can medicate beforehand.

I'm actually wondering if he's UT at BT yk? After a decent nap of 1.5hrs I would say definitely that a BT 3hrs later is just not enough for him. You've got room to lengthen your day a bit more too. It is very usual to have 13hr days through transitions and you're trying for a 12hr one really with actually quite a bit of day sleep for a 13mo. Not unheard of, but I do wonder if we should push BT back a bit. Wdyt?

As he feel asleep yesterday at 8.10pm, I'm thinking perhaps try a 12.5hr day for now and shoot for BT 3.5hrs after the afternoon nap has ended for now? I do think it'll have to be moved later or modify the routine elsewhere, but it's a good place to start.

Fwiw at 13mo my DD and many, many others are over the 5hrs A mark before nap and BT. 3hrs A is actually very close to what a 6mo would be doing so maybe unrealistic to ask him to go to bed so early? Xx. Average A times- BOOKMARK ME!

Eta have you introduced a lovey or something? That really does tend to help during SA and any other times actually. Is there a particular stuffed animal he likes? Or maybe a muslin (these are great as you can wash and swop them around).

P.s I'm going to move this over to toddler sleep as he's 13mo, but I will keep with it as a mod ok? Just want it in the right place x

[clcurtis]

He sleeps!!!

No rocking, no shh'ing, no lying next to him on the floor! Sleeps!!

So we have had the same day routine as usual but tonight:

7:10pm Bath
7:20pm Out, dressed him in his room and read a couple of stories
7:35pm Milk with lullabies on
7:45pm Put in cot, walked out the room

He laid in his cot for a while playing with his dummies like he does for his day time naps and after 10/20mins he was asleep.

I know it's still early days but this is the best he's been in months.  I think you may be right with him just not being tired at 7pm.  I'll try the same routine tomorrow night to make sure it's not a fluke! But that 3.5hr was definitely the case tonight.  Thank you   

[Kellyjs]

Yay and yay  . Honestly so happy for you!! Well done you.

Ok, this routine might not be set in stone ok? Once he gets used to this new A time it well might need extending again, however it might just get you through the Xmas period hopefully!! Do keep in touch and we'll work on it again after Xmas. Please know I'm here for you if you ever feel as lost as you did before, just post on here xx