Author Topic: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?  (Read 3610 times)

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Offline SEA0680

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Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« on: August 28, 2015, 19:13:28 pm »
My 3 year old has ALWAYS been a problem sleeper- just doesn't sleep much. For most of his life he slept under the lower end of the bell curve for sleep for his age group. He generally wakes up at 6am, but goes through phases of waking up as early as 4:45am (wanting to play, but also acting tired), and goes to sleep 9-9:30pm, and sometimes wakes up at night. We have tried everything- black out curtains, white noise, etc. He sleeps by himself, but definitely wants us to be there while he falls asleep, but we try to avoid it. The few times I have slept with him in his bed he has slept in much later. I have been thinking about the fact that all animals, and for most of our history, people, sleep with their young. Perhaps if I slept in his room he would sleep longer? 3 years of sleep deprivation (for us and him) is making me consider starting to co-sleep (me sleeping in his room on a trundle bed, not him coming into our bed) at age 3- is that crazy?

Thanks so much for your advice!

Offline Roseii

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2015, 19:59:29 pm »
Personally I would work on keeping him in his room, quietly, whether he's awake or not. Have you got a gro clock? I would be telling him that wake up time is 6am (or whatever- you can always move it later) and he's not to disturb you until the sun is up on his clock. Re co sleeping to get to sleep, I would want to wean that but that's because it does my head in being trapped in my girls' room :P If you're happy to do it and you can solve the EWs then I don't think it's a massive deal.
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Offline C&B&E

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2015, 20:08:35 pm »
I have lots of friends who co-sleep with their children and they enjoy it  :).  So, if you feel it would be good for your child and for your family then why not try it.  In retrospect, I wish we had done more co-sleeping.   

However, I would also want to rule out OT or other factors (like discomfort) which may be causing him to sleep poorly.  I have got a habitual early riser, and the two things that have helped us are occasionally putting him to bed VERY early to get him a long night, which in turn improves his sleep as he is less OT.  The other thing is wake-to-sleep if he has got into a pattern of waking at the same time every night.  Does he exhibit any signs of reflux or discomfort at night time? 
Claire x



Offline SEA0680

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2015, 20:41:18 pm »
Thanks for your advice!

Yes, he is definitely OT- but how to fix? Try to get to sleep earlier, but no luck. Don't ever wake him up in the morning or from naps.

They don't have GroClock in US- have to order from UK and shipping is very expensive. Bought a similar product (sleep owl), but don't like it as much. Wish I could buy the GroClock, although I suspect he would ignore it.

Offline C&B&E

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2015, 21:20:57 pm »
Yes, he is definitely OT- but how to fix? Try to get to sleep earlier, but no luck. Don't ever wake him up in the morning or from naps.


Children often get a 'second wind' when they miss their ideal sleep window, so if you don't give them an early *enough* bedtime, then they will often stay awake for hours longer!  If he's waking at 6am, then I would try getting him into bed at 6pm.  When my ds was three, I would occasionally put him to bed at 5pm and he would sleep though til 7am (even though he usually woke at 5.30am with a later bedtime!).  So even though it can feel counter-intuitive, I would put him to bed as early as you dare for a couple of days  :)
Claire x



Offline C&B&E

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #5 on: August 28, 2015, 21:22:01 pm »
Wish I could buy the GroClock, although I suspect he would ignore it.

We just used a lamp on a timer. 
Claire x



Offline Katet

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #6 on: August 28, 2015, 22:58:04 pm »
Could you try putting a trundle bed in your room & see if that makes a difference.
The longer I parent & the older my children get them more I prescribe to the thought of "just because the text book says... doesn't mean it was written about my child" & "I need to do what I feel would work best for my family" 

BW was great for me when my boys were little & neither of them were great sleepers (one LSN, one with medical issues that impacted) & for me the most important lesson from BW that has been my gold standard is the "know your child" rather than follow the "should be doing"  So from my perspective if you think if "could work" give it a try & if it does it does if it doesn't you are no worse off.
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Offline nona

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #7 on: August 29, 2015, 03:07:52 am »
i would just start as you want to go on....my friend is still co-sleeping with their 8 yo and he won't go to sleep w/o them which means he is up really, really late... i have another friend co-sleeping with their 4 yo and it is the same situation. BUT, if you don't mind then try it?  it is such a personal thing. my DH's parents didn't mind at all and don't mind my kids sleepign with them or in their room and my DH actually slept in their room until he was 7 ( at that age they had set up a cot -the reason he wanted to sleep in their room was bc of a scary light fixture in his room but they had no idea). i can barely sleep with my husband in the same bed!

do you put him to bed 9-930 or does he not fall asleep until then?

this is what we use - and i'm in the states:

http://www.mytotclock.com/home.php?osCsid=55b62f96e421ee5e0f55c6adb9997e19
heather




Offline MasynSpencerElliotte

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #8 on: August 29, 2015, 03:45:14 am »
So he is still napping? Just sometimes or most days? Just thinking if he is it may be time to drop the nap or cut it back to get a better night. Co-sleeping is totally a personal choice, not something I would necessarily want to start at this age though!
Heidi




Offline SEA0680

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #9 on: September 02, 2015, 04:14:32 am »
Tried to put him to bed really early today- was aiming for going into the bedroom at 6:15, but it's really hard to move the schedule up so much, so I think we ended up getting into the bedroom around 7. He just ran around the room like crazy and went to bed around his normal time (9:25 or so). I will try and get into the bedroom around 6 tomorrow and see what happens.

He naps 1.5-2 hours most days, but if the nap routine is disturbed at all, or sometimes even if it isn't, he doesn't nap 1-2 days per week. He is only 3- isn't that a little early to drop the nap? And if he is overtired, should I shorten it?

Offline nona

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #10 on: September 02, 2015, 20:07:59 pm »
some kids drop their naps early... i have quite a few friends whose kids stopped napping at that age. my daughter is 3.5 and she is going from 0-1.

you coudl always stop the nap for a week and see what happens with bedtime? when my daughter does not nap she is really easy to put down and sleeps 12+ a night.  regardless if she naps or not (she does not nap every day), she has quiet time in her room.
heather




Offline michaeljacknnugg

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #11 on: September 02, 2015, 20:21:15 pm »
Just chipping in - my DS had dropped his nap entirely by 2.5yo, so 3 doesn't seem at all early to me!
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Offline SEA0680

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #12 on: September 03, 2015, 19:33:04 pm »
Tried to put him to bed at 6pm, and unsuccessful until 9:30pm!!! I don't think he is going to go to sleep early. I think the OT is getting better over time, but I am wondering- does it make sense to cap the nap at 1hour 30 minutes to try to get him to bed a little earlier? Or let him sleep as long as he wants (usually 2 hours)? He woke up crying twice last night, and woke up at 6:20am (not too bad). I'm starting to think that there is not much you can do about kids sleep patterns, and you just have to ride it out until they change on their own...

Thanks!!!

Offline Jodes112

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #13 on: September 03, 2015, 19:59:42 pm »
Hi,

Also wanted to just pop in and say he probably isnt tired at 7pm because he is having that nap.

My DD is 2.5 and on nap days she doesnt fall asleep until 8.30/9pm ish. On no nap days shes fast asleep by 6.30pm.

I would honestly say he's ready to drop the nap. Once you cut it out & get into the swing he will get used to the earlier bedtime.
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Offline MasynSpencerElliotte

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #14 on: September 03, 2015, 20:11:06 pm »
Only my middle DD napped past 2.5 years old, and the other two did not drop on their own, I did it to consolidate night sleep so it is possible (to a point of course) to tweak their sleep. It may take a bit for getting used to no naps but it will work out.
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Offline Martini~

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #15 on: September 03, 2015, 21:49:11 pm »
Did you try EBT on no nap days or after this 1.5-2h nap?
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Offline Katet

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #16 on: September 03, 2015, 22:24:43 pm »
Being very mathematical, when my children got to the point that naps were meaning late falling asleep & no nap days meant grumpy afternoons etc I worked on the amount of sleep they got if I combined how long they slept at night with how long they slept in a nap, so say that came to 12hours total, then I felt I needed to make sure they were in bed allowing for 12.5-13hours night sleep with no nap. I found ( from experience with DS1) that 2 parts to the day broken by a nap meant the could cope with longer awake than one long day. Following on from that if my child did nap & I knew they needed 12 hours night sleep+ nap, then I'd try to cut the nap as short as possible (mostly car naps at 3yo) because I found a 2hour nap would reduce the total sleep in 24hours more than a 1 hour nap.

I kind of found something like this (I don't have exact numbers, just trying to give an idea )
2hour nap = 9 hours night sleep = 11 hours total
1 hour nap = 10.5 hours night sleep = 11.5hours total
30 min cat nap = 11.15+ hours night sleep = close to 12 hours
No nap = 12-14.5hours  hours sleep -some days longer than others... DS2 used to have some days where he fell asleep at 4.30pm & slept through to 6.30am, one day he even slept from 4.30pm to 7.30am when he was about 3.5yo.
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Offline jessmum46

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #17 on: September 04, 2015, 09:21:31 am »
I agree with everyone, time to cut/drop the nap.  If he's OT it's because the nap is perpetuating short nights and what you want to do is let him catch up with night sleep, not nap time :)

Offline SEA0680

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #18 on: September 08, 2015, 23:12:34 pm »
Sorry, still looking for a little input. Our DS has been going to sleep every night between 930 and 10 PM. He definitely seems tired before then, even wired and OT, but will not go to sleep before then. He wants us to sit  in his room with him until he falls asleep,  but right now we are sitting out in the hall outside his door and then sneaking away when he's mostly asleep. That's not ideal, but we're trying to avoid a lot of crying. Anyway, he wakes up between six and 630 every morning, and definitely seems like he's not getting enough sleep. Left  to his own devices I think he would nap about 1.5 to 2 hours every day, between about 1pm-3pm, but because of what people have posted I have been capping his nap at one hour 15 minutes. I don't think he's ready to stop napping yet – the few days that we've been out and about during naptime he's gotten very fussyaround naptime, and falls asleep instantly if we drive anywhere between about 11 AM and 7 PM.  Everyone agree that eight hours of nighttime sleep for three-year-old is too little? It's definitely making me and my husband sleep deprived and crazy…

Offline jessmum46

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #19 on: September 09, 2015, 06:40:33 am »
Cut his nap shorter hun, I know it seems counter-intuitive when he's tired but if he can't settle until 9.30/10 his nap is still too long.  I'd cut to something like 45 mins and see if you can get him down to bed earlier.  My feeling is it may have to go entirely but you may find doing that all in one go is too much.  I'd try a shorter nap first and then if you can get a longer night with a decent WU then keep him up and try to power through the day without a nap at all, or just a tiny catnap (no more than 20 mins).  Avoid the car! 

Offline Jodes112

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #20 on: September 09, 2015, 14:32:48 pm »
Also agree!

Id go with wu 6/6.30
Nap around 12.30 to 1.15
Bed at 6.30/7pm

The nap is what is making bedtime that late. Cut it right down & bring bedtime early x
Jody
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Offline SEA0680

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #21 on: September 12, 2015, 13:28:35 pm »
Argh! Sleep is all over the place. I've been capping  the nap at an hour 15 minutes, and bedtime got better – about 830 to 845. Then two days ago he fell asleep for nap for 10 minutes and then woke up, so basically no nap, but went to sleep easily at about 830. The next morning he woke up at 5:30 in the morning, and I went into his bedroom and lay down with him, and he slept till 730, which is almost as late as he's ever slept. This has happened a few times throughout his life, and this is what makes me think that cosleeping might work. Anyway, that day he wouldn't take a nap, probably because he Slept in so late, and I thought it would be easy to get him to go to bed, but it was actually really hard – maybe he was overtired. But was asleep by 845pm. This morning he woke up at 5:20, I went and lay down with him, and he just rolled around and kicked me until he said he wanted to get up at 5:45. This is what makes me think  Cosleeping is a terrible idea, among other things.  He's super fussy and cranky though, because he is so tired. I just feel like were bouncing all around. I'll try and keep  keep the nap at about one hour long, and try for the same 830 bedtime every night, and will see how it goes. Any advice?

Offline Jodes112

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #22 on: September 12, 2015, 15:17:52 pm »
So on the day he had no nap, what time did you actually put him in bed? Xx
Jody
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Offline SEA0680

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #23 on: September 12, 2015, 18:54:35 pm »
Into bedroom and doing routine by 745, lights out 8:15 or so.

Offline jessmum46

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #24 on: September 12, 2015, 20:08:49 pm »
Too late a BT on a NND really, I'd have gone for a 12h max day and potentially closer to 11-11.5h x

Offline C&B&E

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #25 on: September 12, 2015, 22:13:24 pm »
I agree with Katherine. An earlier night will mean he's not as OT by bedtime, and he will sleep longer. Good luck.
Claire x



Offline Jodes112

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #26 on: September 17, 2015, 19:13:26 pm »
Yes thats what i was thinking too, sometimes DD goes to bed as early as 6.15 with no nap. Especially when they are first transitioning a early bed time is a great help! Your DS will definatly be way OT for bed at 8ish with no nap. Which then makes the night worse.

Good luck!
Jody
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Offline C&B&E

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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #27 on: September 17, 2015, 22:29:41 pm »
How are you getting on?

Yes thats what i was thinking too, sometimes DD goes to bed as early as 6.15 with no nap. Especially when they are first transitioning a early bed time is a great help!
Good luck!

We used to do 4.30/5pm bedtimes when DS first dropped his nap  :o!  LOVE early bedtimes  :D

Claire x



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Re: Is it crazy to start cosleeping at age 3?
« Reply #28 on: September 18, 2015, 18:30:20 pm »
I also love early bedtimes! 😀
Jody
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