18 month old nw has me in tears! Breaking bad holiday habits.

[mummyW]

I can't quite decide what on earth is going on with our 18mo. She was a brilliant baby but as a toddler I'm ashamed to admit I'm really struggling

I've posted before about sleep help but it's gotten to the stage I don't know where to turn (i know it's a phase).

Last night was horrific, we're just back our holidays where she spent 2 weeks falling asleep in the pram, waking up at night and getting in beside us. Now we're home I somehow need to break this but have no idea where to start.

She fell asleep last night having her bottle at 8.30 (had a late nap) but woke up and stood screaming at 3am. I tried what used to work, wi wo, I hadn't even turned my back and she had stood up again somewhat inconsolable. Realising that wi wo wasnt going to work I went in and tried pat sssh. She was so upset she wouldn't even let me touch her, kept pushing my hand away screaming no. We were at this for nearly 2 hours, even when I stayed in the room with her beside her cot she was just as upset?! When I pick her up she eventually settles but I can't even get her hovered over the cot ready to put her down and she's screaming.

At 6am after 3 hours I had given up and she fell asleep on me sitting in the chair and ended up back in our bed

I was so upset with myself I just sat and cried while she was sleeping on me.

How do I get her out of this routine?

Should I stick to one, WI wo/ pat sssh/ PU pd/ gradual retreat? Is mixing them and using more than one technique confusing her more?

Xxx

[cath~]

(((Hugs))) that sounds so tough

You may have heard that lots of Los go through a big "sleep regression" at around 18 mos so that could be playing a big part in this.  However, I'd also consider if any pain or discomfort could be an issue given just how upset she is.  Does she have reflux? Could she be teething? My dd2 has just got her canines through and her nights were rough for at least a month or so while these were coming through. It's amazing the difference now they're through.  Have you tried giving any meds to see if that helps?

What's her mood like during the Day at the moment? Any SA? Have there been any changes in her life recently?

Do you think she could have a big build up of OT?

Also, it would be helpful if you could post what a typical day looks like in terms of wu, nap time and length, BT.  Maybe a tweak might help things a little.

Has she been an independent sleeper in the past? How does she nod off for naps and BT now?

Wrt how you settle her during the nws, I agree that yes it would be better to stick with one way to avoid confusing her.  Given just how upset she is, I wonder if GW may be the best one to pick.

When my dd1 went through terrible sleep at 18 mos and we were doing loads of apop, we used GW to get her back to being an independent sleeper again and it worked really well and quickly (a week, I think). However, we did have to wait until she was ready for it and all the SA of the 18 mo dev leap and teething pain had gone.

Sorry for all the qns, just trying the get the whole picture.

[mummyW]

Hi cath,

Thanks for your reply, sorry for the delay between work and a super clingy LO I've not had a chance. I'll try to answer all your questions as best I can so you could hopefully give us some help

I think there are probably a lot of things going on all at the same time just now which aren't going to be helping, I'm sure her back molars are coming through as the hand is constantly in the mouth. She has also taken a huge developmental leap in the last few weeks, the 2 weeks we were on holiday she learned more than 10 new words and I just see her changing into such a little toddler all of a sudden.

When she wakes during the night she's been getting calpol and teething gels but by the time they work I think she's already hyper and upset so it's already much harder to bring her back down to sleeping level.

She has been very very clingy the last couple of weeks as well, follows when you leave a room, constantly asking where daddy is (or me if I'm out the room or away) so I was thinking separation anxiety. Her attention span has dropped and she isn't eating as much either. I used to be able to leave her playing and she would happily entertain herself for at least 25-30 minutes, even moving onto another toy or activity. This morning she won't be left alone to play at all and is only playing for 10 minutes at a time.

Her normal routine until about a week before our holiday was:
WU 6.30
Nap 12.30-2.30/3
Bed 7.30/8.
I would say she was an independent sleeper. For example, I would put her down and leave her with teddy, she would stand up and shout or moan but was never distressed. I go in and lie her down and she would normall fall asleep after doing this a couple of times within about 15 minutes. Would that have been classed as independent?

Can you talk me through GW to make sure I'm doing it right.

When you say you had to wait until your dd1 was past the separation anxiety did you just offer comfort until then? Are there any ways to get her past the fear of separation?

Thank you so much, anything would be a help just now, even if it's just to know it's not just us and it will pass

[cath~]

Hello

It does sound like a lot of it (sleep and behaviour/mood) is developmental/teething/sleep regression and unfortunately you do just have to work through it.  There's not usually a quick fix.  But is *is* a phase and it will pass.  During the day, with my two I always find that when they're going through these kinds of tricky patches, getting outside helps a lot.  Also sensory types of play like water play, sand play, play doh...

Regarding the teething, some ppl find nurofen/ibuprofen works better than calpol so might be worth a try?

With my DD we tried to give her the minimal comfort she needed at the time (which meant us staying with her with a hand on her until she nodded off at BT) and then when she seemed more settled in herself generally, that was when GW worked. 

When you're ready/your LO is ready to try GW there is a good description of it here:
Toddlers: Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

Let me know if you have any other questions about it though eg for a particular circumstance.

Regarding the SA, yes, the quickest/best way to handle it is to give them as much reassurance that you're there for them as possible.  Trying to encourage them to be more independent doesn't really help at all and can make it worse, as they have a developmental need at that time to check that you're there for them.  The more reassurance you can give them of that, the easier it will be for them to be independent when they are ready because they know they can always come back to you and that you will be there for them if they need you.

There are some tips for SA here:
Tips for seperation anxiety
Separation Anxiety in Toddlers

Hope that helps a bit.  Let me know if you have any other questions.

((hugs)) it's such a tough time

[mummyW]

Aw thank you so much cath.

We've mostly been working through things at bedtime/nap time and night wakings by having a hand on or near her until she falls over. Tonight though she fell asleep with me just standing next to her but I don't want to try and rush her. Glad to know that's what other people have done and we're not creating more problems by doing this.

I also find the ibuprofen works better, I tend to give that at bedtime but can't use it on an empty stomach at night. I'm also using ambisol liquid which is the stronger stuff as it works better as well.

I'll have a read over the links you posted, I'm sure we will have good and bad days but I know we'll get there. Trying to reassure hubby of this is not quite so easy, he thinks life has ended cause he hasn't had his nights sleep. Can't wait until Christmas and our next one arrives then he'll be in for a huge shock :lol:

Thanks again xx

[mummyW]

Hi cath, just wanted to give you an update (hope you see this)

So things still weren't going very well, we had moved on to GW but to put it as politely as possible my 18 month old was totally ripping the p*ss out of me! It got to the stage she wouldn't let you leave her sight without her having a meltdown. This was happening during the night as well and it was taking close to 2 hours standing with a hand on her to get her back to sleep. I had had enough come Tuesday night, I'm now 28 weeks pregnant with severe spd and on crutches during the day, I literally can't stand that long any more!

Hubby and I made the pretty brutal decision that we were going to go back to WI/wo despite it meaning she was going to cry and I was prepared for bed time to become more of a nightmare! I started last night, it took 35 minutes, she "cried" at first but there was never once any tears. I was so strict it was literally walk in put her down then leave, screams or no screams. She ended up standing at the end of her cot in science almost falling asleep then just lay down. I did the same at nap time today, there was much less crying and it was quicker.

I'm hoping that means I've won! And she now realises that although we are there we are not going to stand over her.

I'll probable be back looking for some more advice soon though! Xxx

[cath~]

Hello,

I'm now 28 weeks pregnant with severe spd and on crutches during the day

((hugs)) that sounds really tough and yes, I agree, you physically can't be standing and def need another way to help your DD sleep.

she "cried" at first but there was never once any tears. ... She ended up standing at the end of her cot in science almost falling asleep then just lay down. I did the same at nap time today, there was much less crying and it was quicker.

this suggests to me that she was/is perhaps ready for WIWO like you've done.  It's OK to offer her some reassurance though when doing WIWO eg you can say to her as you go in and PD "it's OK, mummy's just here waiting outside.  Sleepy time now. Night night."  Or something like that.

Let us know how the next few days go.

You might find that she needs a few extra cuddles during the day if she wants to reassure herself that you're still there for her, and giving her that 1-1 time when you can will help her feel more secure and happier to nod off at BT by herself.