Weaning 19 month old from co sleeping

[cath~]

what time would you suggest bedtime on good nap days, and what time on bad nap days

well, it depends a lot on what his sleep needs are and when he naps, but if he's average, say, then after a 8am WU and a 2hr nap (not too late in the day) then BT around 9pm would probably be typical.  If he has a short nap, say 45 mins, then I'd try for BT around 7.30pm.

Do you have a feel for whether he's low, average or high sleep needs?  When does he usually nap?

What time does he usually nap?  Did you say that BT was always the same (in terms of how quickly/easily he settles) regardless of nap length?

[Mel_bhs2010]

12/12:30 with me and 1/1:30 without me are when he usually naps, hes usually pretty easy to settle until the change but I think that's more in correlation to how I've weren't about it rather than the way he sleeps, warm mommy bed and nursing. He usually tells me when he's tired, I rarely have to notice signs of naptime, the only times I've witnessed those are times when I absolutely couldn't put him down, he had always given me some cue right as he gets slept, and since he started walking he would actually tell me night night and take me to where he knows a bed is for naps and if we end up staying somewhere close to start of his BT routine

He skipped a nap altogether today and went to bed about 8, he had a three hour nap yesterday and wouldn't settle until nearly 11.  I'm not here for his naps and I feel like this isn't working..I'm a little discouraged today.

[Mel_bhs2010]

This week he has gone to sleep in his big boy bed everyday without the boob in his mouth, I feel like I'm stuck on step 1 and I'm unsure of what step two is

[cath~]

This week he has gone to sleep in his big boy bed everyday without the boob in his mouth, I feel like I'm stuck on step 1 and I'm unsure of what step two is

so ATM are you feeding him until he's sleepy and then put him down in his bed?

Does he nod off with you just sitting next to him or do you have a hand on him or any contact?  That will affect what the next step is.  If you have some contact with him, try to gradually reduce that.  If you don't have any contact with him, try sitting a little further away from him as he nods off.

How sleepy is he when you put him down?

[Mel_bhs2010]

He's very sleepy when I put him down, but the contact changes daily..some days he had to be touching the boob..but 2/3 he had no contact but has to be looking at me. If I move he gets up and we start over.

Today his room is all the way put together..He has played in it all day and "helped" me move his bed in there. Pretty nervous about tonight.

I let his sleep with me last night all night because he was OT, he didn't nap for the babysitter and even though bt started at 6 right after he had some food, he fought and fought until nearly midnight and I just let him sleep with me..and bore I feel super guilty that I gave in "/

[cath~]

Please don't feel guilty at all!  You did what you both needed.  There is nothing wrong with co-sleeping when it helps everyone.  I think Tracy Hogg said something like "it's only a problem if it's a problem".  It's so tough being a mum.  You shouldn't heap extra guilt on yourself for simply sleeping with your baby.  Please don't feel bad sweetie

Since he's moving to a new room - I'd keep your BT routine the same and don't introduce any further changes for now.  The new room will be a big enough change for him already.

However, once he's settled in it and accepted that this is where he's sleeping, then you can work on the GW a bit more.  Try to stop the contact with you completely as a first step (you can still give him a reassuring pat/rub if he needs it, just try not to make it constant contact iyswim, so he nods off without it).  Then gradually move your sitting position further away from him.  I mean over the course of days/weeks, not during a single BT.  Does that make sense?

((hugs)) and lots of vibes for a good BT in his new room xx

[Mel_bhs2010]

Thank you, I feel a little better about it..maybe he's just not ready yet..i feel awful for pushing him to go into his bed in the first place but when he stays the whole night in my bed my back hurts so bad. We're looking into new bedroom suits and I might get a king size to accommodate him..

he was a little scared of his room so I moved his bed back into the living room and he played in it immediately, I'm gonna give him a few more days to get used to his room and try again, he immediately got up to pay in it this morning so that's a good sign.

[Mel_bhs2010]

Reread some posts and I'm so embarrassed at the way auto correct makes me sound..I'm literate! I promise! Just not good at proofreading I suppose lol

[cath~]

k you, I feel a little better about it..maybe he's just not ready yet..i feel awful for pushing him to go into his bed in the first place but when he stays the whole night in my bed my back hurts so bad. We're looking into new bedroom suits and I might get a king size to accommodate him..

you have to do whatever works for you all as a family.

What I meant was don't feel bad about co-sleeping, esp if it's what you both need (like the other night).  However, when it's not working (because it hurts your back, you're not getting enough sleep..) then also don't feel bad about finding a gentle way to help change things so that the whole family gets the sleep they need.  It's totally your decision.  And don't feel bad about whatever decision you make

he was a little scared of his room so I moved his bed back into the living room and he played in it immediately, I'm gonna give him a few more days to get used to his room and try again, he immediately got up to pay in it this morning so that's a good sign.

sounds like a good plan x

[cath~]

Reread some posts and I'm so embarrassed at the way auto correct makes me sound..I'm literate! I promise! Just not good at proofreading I suppose lol

Don't worry - we're used to ready all sorts of crazy typos/autocorrects here! 

[Mel_bhs2010]

I just feel bad because he's pushing back so hard, but the hardest lesson as a parent, for me at least, is that just because he doesn't like it or is scared of it doesn't mean it isn't good for him.
He went to sleep in his room last night after an hour of fighting. I told him to get in his bed last night and he tried to get in mine. He woke up at 1 am freaked out because for the first time he was alone, but came right to my bed and thats where he spent the rest of the night, which I can handle part time cosleeping for now.

Tonight he went to sleep after a half hour of fighting, so that's good, he also got a new night light that shows pictures of Mickey mouse on the ceiling and he kept saying "look!! The sky!!" He doesn't really know who Mickey is but it helped him tonight, I think.  We also got a baby monitor and showed him you can talk to it from the other room but I don't think he understood much of that..we've stayed on this step and I think I can actually handle it for now..I might move on to the next step Monday or Tuesday because those are my days off and I can handle less sleep those days..

My silly boy woke up at 1 am and freaked out, but while he was crying he decided to play with his favorite truck haha..He was quite the sight crying his eyes out and screaming like he was being murdered (he's a drama king lol) but also rolling his truck around on the floor lol he even tried to bring it to bed. He's too funny I don't know how I ever smiled without him

[Mel_bhs2010]

He woke again at 1am with no tears, just came right to me
I asked him if he wanted to go night night and we have a silly night night song and March we do in the way to bed, well tonight he led and got straight into bed. I'm not sure how long it took tonight because I forgot to check the time when he finally let me leave, but I can definitely see done purges on his bedtime and my back!

[Mel_bhs2010]

See some Progress*

[Mel_bhs2010]

He woke at 12 whining but I used the talk back feature of our baby monitor to shush him and he fell straight back to sleep, and then woke again around 230 and crawled into bed with me. I think with less touch to go to sleep the longer he will stay in bed but I'm not sure, I'm fine with part time cosleeping though. At least for now, my job is seasonal and I think he misses me while I'm gone so I think I can handle the partial cosleeping until I'm through working. Then he will have me all day long and won't need as much connection at night

[cath~]

Hi,

Sorry for not getting back sooner. It sounds like you've been making great progress!

I can handle part time cosleeping for now.

and that's totally fine if it works well for you

while he was crying he decided to play with his favorite truck haha..He was quite the sight crying his eyes out and screaming like he was being murdered (he's a drama king lol) but also rolling his truck around on the floor lol he even tried to bring it to bed. He's too funny I don't know how I ever smiled without him

LOL!  He sounds like a lovely character

So pleased to read your updates.  Let me know if you have any other qns