Have I broken my 4 month old??

[4isstillnighttime]

Hello!

I have a 4 month old baby who has been sleeping really well, bed at 7:30 ish then waking at 1 and 4 for feeds, up at 6 ish then a vague 3.5 hour EASY fitting around my other 2. All naps in sling or pushchair. I put him down in his cot awake at bedtime and he went to sleep on his own, fed to sleep for NW.

The last few nights have been awful - up every 2 hours and either waking up as soon as I unlatch him, or just staying awake.....between 4:30 and 7:30 yesterday  .

Despite my best efforts he won't take a dummy or a bottle. I tried PUPD for a nap but it is too much for me - I got v v anxious about sleep and naps last time and the screaming gave me actual flashbacks so I abandoned it for now. The other complicating factor is that he is falling off his weight centile - he was tongue tied and never feeds for very long. So I want him to feed at night....just sleep in between.

Do I need to sleep train? I'm not sure I could cope with it TBH, are there any other things I could try first?

Aaarrrggghhh!!

[Katet]

Long time since I've had a 4mo but the first thing that springs to mind is a growth spurt (both mine had big ones at 4mo) So maybe just need to feed more

[4isstillnighttime]

I would love him to have a growth spurt!! Thanks, I will try and squeeze more milk into him.

Oh I hope you are right and he goes back to his lovely chilled out little self!!!

[4isstillnighttime]

I get v anxious about sleep....can you tell?!? 

[lily_layne]

Night sleep got silly for both of mine at that age. I just nursed and used the swing to get through it. Luckily, it didn't create any major habits. I wouldn't sleep train if you're not emotionally ready.

I know it's hard to fit naps around 2 others but could you get one nap a day in the crib?

[4isstillnighttime]

Well, he has just gone to sleep with a dummy, am really pleased!! It's pretty much the first sleep he has had all day. Dummies were our saviours with the twins, I think they would still wake up loads at night without them  dreading when they have to go!

I will try for one nap a day in the cot - when the twins are at nursery we should definitely be able to manage it. Twins are in the process of dropping their nap but if I can get the baby to settle fairly quickly I can maybe bribe them with some TV and a biscuit!

Is it ok to introduce a dummy now? Or is it really silly? He has got really OT so if it buys us a few good days I can prob get the strength itp ditch it afterwards before he gets really attached.

Anxious anxious anxious.....have had about 12 cups of coffee which isn't helping!!

[Martini~]

Oh! That's so normal! 4mo sleep regression?
I would say it may last 10-14 data and his sleep needs may probably drop a bit after that so if after 2 weeks he still is waking at night but sleeping the same during day, I would push him gently towards longer A and slightly less sleep.

[4isstillnighttime]

Amazing!! Have just had a little melt down about the dummy, husband has sat me down with some crisps while my supper cooks, and now I hear it's normal!! Thank you so much! I assumed it was down to my terrible parenting.

So I could use the dummy for 2 weeks, try and get us into a better routine, then ditch it then if it is causing problems?

Thank you so much!!

[4isstillnighttime]

Hey martini, thanks for your help on my EASY thread too. He seems to be having massive A times as he takes so long to settle for naps!! Will call on you again when I know where I am at! 

[Katet]

So I could use the dummy for 2 weeks, try and get us into a better routine, then ditch it then if it is causing problems?

With the value of hindsight & the months (actually years) I spent with my Mum's (negative) words about dummy's in my head. It was the words of my friends Mum I should have been listening more too "you really need to do what works for you" - if a dummy makes you feel more relaxed at this time then why not, In the end DS1 didn't ditch his until 4yo which was when he gave up his nap & you know it worked for us... maybe it could have worked better without, but I'll never know, because as I've learnt in the 12 years of parenting, all children are different & you just have to do the "best you can" with where you are at at the time AND (the hard part) try not to second guess or do the "I should have"  because you did the best at the time.

[lily_layne]

I assumed it was down to my terrible parenting.

Definitely not that at all! And I second what Katet said. She is full of wise advice for us anxious mommies. Her posts really helped me get rid of my anxiety around sleep. I can link you to the thread if you'd like.

[4isstillnighttime]

Ooooh yes please!! I am reasonably relaxed about most things....but sleep really pushes my buttons!!

Kate, thank you! It is a really nice thought that I will never know what would have happened if I had done something differently!! And I just have to shut out other peoples opinions (esp my MIL!!).

We have had about 4 awful nights of waking every hour or so. The trouble is I am now so tired that as soon as I bring him to bed to feed him I go straight back to sleep and wake up freezing cold with a crick in my neck. And I don't know how much he has fed so when he wakes up next I just feed again, fall asleep again.....etc etc. I need just one good night to recharge all of our batteries. I have been feeding more in the day - a kind of EAEASY - to try and squeeze in more calories but yesterday he was just too tired I think....

He did have a nap in his cot though, so we will persevere with that!

Thanks again!

[lily_layne]

Tips for handling sleep anxiety
It's a long one and the first few pages don't have much but there is a lot of good advice in there. Because of that thread, I was able to reach a point where I am reasonably relaxed about DS's sleep.

[4isstillnighttime]

Thank you! I will have a good read, maybe it will keep me awake during the night feeds!

I just need to move away from defining a good day as one where naps have happened successfully, and a bad one as one where they haven't. There is much more to it than that!!

[lily_layne]

There is much more to it than that!!

Yes there is! I was guilty of defining my success as a mother based on naps. Identifying that feeling and letting it go really helped. Someone reminded me on the anxiety thread that providing love and feeding are important too and you're probably doing great at those!