Issues with Spirited baby's sleep

[bouldertc]

Hi friends,

I have another thread going as well but I thought I'd ask some specific questions about how to deal with my 12 week old baby's spirited temperament around bedtime. Are there any other moms of spirited babies out there who have been in my shoes and can offer some advice?

1. The swaddle - we know that spirited babies really need to be swaddled and my baby is no exception. However, he has rolled over in his crib once and it terrified us so we've reverted back to him sleeping in the rock n play because we don't want to wean the swaddle yet. He is also just starting to find his hands. Any suggestions? Anyone else dealing with this predicament? I should also add that just the process of swaddling him gets him riled up.

2. Pick up put down - my baby is not old enough yet to do pupd but I am wondering if it is a good idea for him considering how easily overstimulated he is.

3. Wind down routine - Any suggestions for a good wind down routine that won't get him worked up in the process? We're currently doing: diaper change, swaddle, lights off, white noise, shh-pat. But, once he realizes it's bedtime he loses his cool.

4. Independent sleep- do we have a fighting chance of accomplishing independent sleep?

Thanks so much in advance!

[lily_layne]

I was helping you on your other thread - I hope you don't mind me jumping on here. We'll maybe just stick with this thread now to save confusion.

I kept swaddling my DD even once she rolled because she could easily lift her head from her tummy, but that's a decision only you and your DH can make. Do what you're comfortable with. I did start weaning it around 4-5 months I think.

I would try sh/pat instead of PU/PD with a spirited LO.

With the wind down, how loud is your white noise? With DD, we had to use the hair dryer. It has to be louder than their crying to get their attention. As she calmed, we switched to a white noise app (still quite loud) and then turned it down to the volume of a loud shower once she was sleeping.

You will get to independent sleep. Both of my LOs started to go to sleep almost independently (with a paci) around 5-6 months. It started with a nap here and there until it became more frequent.

[bouldertc]

No problem! I didn't mean to jump ship on you, just wanted to use spirited in the title to potentially get the attention of other moms of spirited babies. Thanks so much for your continued help!

That's good to know that I may be able to still swaddle because my baby has very strong neck control and lifts his head very well while on his tummy. The one time he flipped over he screamed so he probably will again to let us know. Should we flip him back over or is it okay to leave him on his tummy swaddled?

I think we're almost ready to give shh/pat a try in earnest. But I need a little encouragement... Since my baby is such a strong screamer, it feels like it'll never work. Should I even bother with the step of leaving the room for 5 minutes to see if he can go to sleep on his own? He has settled himself to sleep a few times but I think they were flukes. How long will it likely take to work with such a spirited baby?

His white noise may not be loud enough. We just switched to using an iPad rather than iPhone since it is louder. Should we turn it on before we swaddle to try to keep him calm?

[lily_layne]

No worries. You didn't jump ship - starting a thread with spirited in the title was a great idea. I just wanted to let you know, I would keep posting here.

Turning the white noise on before you swaddle is a great idea. Don't forget to crank it when he really gets going - it has to be louder than his crying to help calm him.

As I said, some babies are just screamers and there may still be lots of crying with sh/pat. One mom on here says the goal isn't to ensure there's no crying = think of it as being there while baby goes to sleep, not as making them go to sleep. You could try leaving the room a few minutes to see what happens and go back in if he needs you. I found my spirited DD needed a bit of time on her own (even if she was crying) and then she was ready for me to come back in and help her go to sleep.

When my DS was a newborn a few moms on here had spirited/touchy babies that cried no matter how they tried to get them to sleep and sh/pat worked them up more so they just ended up sitting near their babies as they went to sleep. If you find sh/pat just aggravates him, you might try that. I will try to find the link later and post it.

[bouldertc]

Thanks again for your help!

I think we are doing better now that we've just come to terms with him screaming before every nap and bedtime. In fact, he's slept through the night (8:30pm - 7am) the last few nights, so it feels like we're doing something right! As I mentioned before, he's typically getting one good nap per day (between 1.5 and 2 hours) and two short naps (typically 45 minutes each) and sometimes a very short catnap in the evening (15-30 minutes). Are these short naps something we should be concerned about and take steps to improve, or is it fine for him as long as it's fine for my husband and I? I know the ideal is 3x 1.5 hour naps and a catnap. How important is it that we achieve that?

Can you remind me what the objective of shh/pat is? Is it to achieve independent sleep? Is the end goal that someday we'll be able to put him in his crib wide awake and he goes to sleep without our coaxing? Do you have any idea how long it might take? We're up for it, but I'd like to go into it with realistic expectations so that I have plenty of mental stamina. Right now things are manageable (but not ideal), so I'm not overly motivated to start, but I know it'll be better if we do teach him to sleep independently early.

[lily_layne]

In fact, he's slept through the night (8:30pm - 7am) the last few nights, so it feels like we're doing something right!

Are these short naps something we should be concerned about and take steps to improve, or is it fine for him as long as it's fine for my husband and I? I know the ideal is 3x 1.5 hour naps and a catnap. How important is it that we achieve that?

If baby is reasonably content and it's fine for you and your DH than everything's ok. I wouldn't worry about short naps at all. The more relaxed you are, the happier everyone will be (Words I need to take to heart today!) Tracy actually said in interviews that she didn't want to write down any sample routines in her book because she knew people would likely take them as gospel (I know I did with my first LO). The 3x1.5 + catnap is not an ideal - it's just a sample. The beauty of baby whispering is that Tracy understood that all LOs are different and thus, routines will look different from family to family.

The goal of sh/pat is independent sleep. It typically takes longer for spirited LOs (but not always). How long it takes really varies from LO to LO - some take 1 or 2 weeks and others much longer. I found both of my LOs started settling independently around 5-6 months (they even ditched the paci on their own). With DD, I had been using a paci and jiggling her mattress or patting her back (always with white noise on). With DS, he either fell asleep nursing or rocking or settled in bed with a paci.