Author Topic: 9 month old NW and sleeping in my bed :/  (Read 1076 times)

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Offline Hukal0808

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9 month old NW and sleeping in my bed :/
« on: October 29, 2015, 15:13:49 pm »
Hello,
I'm new to the form,
I was hoping someone can give me some advice.
I started my baby on EASY AT 4 months and it was amazing! 1.5 hr naps twice during the day and sleeping through the night...then we went away.  We went for 2 weeks and it was for a family wedding.  Needless to say his whole routine went out of the window. Once we were back I did my best to get him back on to his routine and it was ok for his naps.  I was unable to get over my jet lag plus I had the flu until 2 weeks after we got back, so when he would wake up in the middle of the night (anywhere from 1:30 am -4 am)  I would bring him to my bed from his crib ( I know HUGE MISTAKE) it's been about 6 weeks now and I need him to stay in his crib all night.
Last night I tried shh pat and he lost it, he woke up completely and could not be soothed. He wouldn't even be soothed in my bed. I know I did this, but how do I fix it?
Please help!

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Re: 9 month old NW and sleeping in my bed :/
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2015, 19:21:10 pm »
Hi there and welcome to BW forums :)

Sorry you didn't get any replies yet.

What is your usual soothing method when your LO needs attention?  is is shush/pat or PUPD?
What did you use when you sleep trained at 4 months?

I'm sure we can come up with a plan to get him back in his own bed all night, do you feel ready to go all out on this?
Do you have any back up you can call in for a but of support during the day - it's just that when you tackle the night you will end up tired, if someone can help out a little in the day so you can rest up a bit that would help so that you are ready to tackle the next night.


Offline Hukal0808

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Re: 9 month old NW and sleeping in my bed :/
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2015, 02:31:03 am »
Thank you for reaching out, it can feel lonely!
I used to rock LO to bed but after consulting my copy of BW I saw that was a sort of crutch for him. So starting Friday night I have been doing PU/PD- he woke up at 3 am and whined ( not full out crying) for about 30 minutes then I went into his room and kept PU/PD for 1.5 hrs so by 5 am he was out cold till 7 am. Saturday night he whined on and off for 2 hrs with bouts of sleep in-between. Finally went in and it took about an hour of PU/PD & hand on his chest for him to sleep.  I do have help on weekend nights, that's why I started this on Friday night. Tonight I'm on my own. Once he really starts crying tonight I will go to his room and sleep on a mattress we have put on the floor.
Any other suggestions? Should I try something else or should I just keep plugging away...
Thank you for any and all help!

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Re: 9 month old NW and sleeping in my bed :/
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2015, 21:15:31 pm »
Now that you you've started PUPD I would suggest sticking with it.
I will mention though, as he is soothed by rocking, when you are putting your hand on him it is possible to do a little rock motion which may help.
PUPD does use a firm hand (as you are doing) or patting (which older LOs may be frustrated by) as well as the actual picking up and putting down.  If you can sooth with a firm hand or a firm hand and a little rocking *in the cot*  this is a step closer to your goal.  LO being soothed in the cot, feeling the weight of his body on the mattress, being alone in his cot (not in your bed) is the goal. What I'm saying is, if a little rocking helps him then I wouldn't worry about it.  Rocking in the cot (just move your firm hand a little) is similar to the patting rhythm, it is also similar as you can reduce reduce reduce.  Each time you use it (just as with patting) you see if you can settle in the cot, this might be more rocky (like more patting, firm) but as he settles down you can reduce it.
The steps towards achieving the end goal might be:
falling to sleep being slightly rocked in the cot
falling to sleep with a firm hand (rocking stops just before sleep)
falling to sleep with a very light hand
falling to sleep without a hand (but hand hovers only 1cm above and is ready to be replaced if needed)
falling to sleep with no hand (but you may still be in position by the cot)
falling to sleep with you out of the room

Obviously if he gets worked up you PU, then PD.

sleeping on a mattress on his floor is a great idea, he will know you are there, he may well still kick up a huge fuss but so long as you are there and responding to him he is ok. If you have a hand on him for quite a while this is also ok, he knows you are supporting him with this change.
The only thing for you is to maintain a balance (which is hard when you're exhausted!) that it is OK and right to support your baby and at the same time that you are not going to do this every night, so don't get too comfortable on that mattress because other wise he will also learn that that's where you sleep.  A balance.

Other suggestion - if you have not yet introduced a key phrase this is a good time. Rather than shush, you repeat your phrase like a mantra, he hears your voice and knows you are there, it is comforting and later on this key phrase can be used from outside the room to verbally reassure.  something like "Everything is ok, it's sleepy time, go to sleep" or just "go to sleep".

As you've done 3 nights now I would think you are going to get some results very soon. Often the first 3 nights are the worst. There can be a regression after a couple of good nights which is like him saying "are you really sure I'm not coming into your bed?"  Fingers crossed you have a good few days now and the regression at the weekend when you have help!!

Good luck.


Offline Hukal0808

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Re: 9 month old NW and sleeping in my bed :/
« Reply #4 on: November 10, 2015, 01:13:56 am »
So I just wanted to give a little update...
It has been 1.5 weeks and it is getting better, still have a ways to go, but better.
Last week I had slept in LO's room for 2 nights. Night one was ok. I kept using a phrase, "it's ok, mama is here, it's just time to go to bed." Night 2- he expected me there and kept looking through the bars of his crib. He kept checking to make sure I didn't sneak out. So night 3...I went back to my own bed.  He still wakes up at night but now I am able to get him back to bed in his crib. I do PU/PD and use my phrase.  It is getting better little by little. Last night was a major set back he was up for about 2 hrs, but tonight is another night.

Just  wanted to share a little of what's going on.  :)




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Re: 9 month old NW and sleeping in my bed :/
« Reply #5 on: November 10, 2015, 22:08:32 pm »
Sounds good!! :)  Well done :)

I don't have much experience of regression associated to PUPD but I've read many times on threads there is to be an expected regression. It seems to be LOs last ditch attempt to see if you really mean it. So things can seem to be improving and then (just as you've seen) they go for an all out test kind of saying "really? are you sure I can't come into your bed again, what if I shout for 2hrs?" and your reply is basically "I'll support you whenever you need me, I will come whenever you call, but yeah, this is it, you do have to sleep in your own bed".  I would think, based on my reading that you are going exactly the right way.
Stay calm and strong.  You're right, tomorrow is another night. Remind yourself that you are giving your child a wonderful gift of being happy in his own bed, able to sleep well and also allowing you to sleep so that you can be the best parent you can possibly be.
Good luck for tomorrow :)