5 week old - can't get to sleep or stay asleep

[labrodyk]

Hello everyone!

We've recently welcomed our daughter Audrey to the family and she is having the most difficult time sleeping which is also affecting her eating. I am trying to follow her cues but doing a lot of AP because she just can't get to sleep or stay asleep. She doesn't respond well to ssh/pat (this worked wonderfully with my DS). She has a dummy/pacifier but can't keep it in her mouth and I am constantly replacing it for up to two hours whilst she has mini 5,10,20min sleeps before waking and crying when it falls out. I'm not keen to take the dummy away as sucking is the only thing that calms and relaxes her enough to even attempt closing her eyes just not sure how to break this cycle. At night she can drop it when she's in deep sleep and sleep a few hours so I know she CAN sleep but during the day is like pulling teeth!

She is chronically overtired and can go a whole day of no sleep or just a couple of hours and that's with car/pram/swing naps thrown in to help her get to sleep but never in big chunks, sporadically spread across the day. This overtiredness is affecting her ability to eat well so it's a massive catch 22 cycle.

She's swaddled tightly and has soft music. We suspected silent reflux (although I'm not sure this is the case but rather just OT) however we're continuing with medication, inclining her bassinet, keeping her upright etc.

I'd really like to have some structure to our day, even just a LITTLE bit but she's all over the place and I'm at a complete loss of where to start. Her hunger and tired cues are all mixed up and I've lost confidence in reading her so am clock watching a bit. I'm sticking to 45-60mins awake but I find she's either UT or seriously OT and I'm yet to get it right.

Does anyone have any suggestions? My 3yo is not giving me much time to spend with her and Audrey is so very tired and cries a LOT. Her inability to settle is so draining and the family is suffering. I know the dummy is a MASSIVE issue but I'm not in a position to tackle that yet, especially when she is such a sucky baby.

[lauradj]

Oh hon, it all sounds exhausting!  I'm glad you're doing all the right things to help with the reflux.  DS2 didn't get diagnosed until 8 weeks so I'm glad you've got the jump on it.
Honestly at this stage, do not worry about AP.  When you have two little ones, and one is a newborn, just go with it.  I had DS2 in a baby carrier or swing quite a bit at that age because he had to sleep but I had to get DS1 out of the house.  From where I'm standing, the dummy is NOT an issue.  If it helps sooth her, use it! 
I found the first three months were really the hardest, and then it started to get much easier but man those first three months were a slog!  I'm here, we're here!  We'll help however we can   

[labrodyk]

Thank you so much for your reply and support.

Today, after 45mins to an hour of awake time I've put her down only to replace the dummy and rock the bassinet until she's calm upwards of 50 times until awake time is over 2hrs before she'll even think about sleeping for 30mins! Poor thing is positively exhausted. What am I doing wrong?!

Thanks,
Laura

[lily_layne]

Honestly at this stage, do not worry about AP.  When you have two little ones, and one is a newborn, just go with it.  I had DS2 in a baby carrier or swing quite a bit at that age because he had to sleep but I had to get DS1 out of the house.  From where I'm standing, the dummy is NOT an issue.  If it helps sooth her, use it! 

Yes to all of this! I used a paci with both LOs and it never created a feeding or a prop issue. It really does help soothe some LOs. If it works, go for it.

You are not doing anything wrong! Some newborns just have a hard time going to sleep (DD was like that). I'll try to pop back on later to post a link a video with a trick that worked for me.

[lily_layne]

I used Dr. Karp's 5s's with both LOs and they worked great, especially for my spirited DD. It took a bit to get the technique but once I did, I could get her from screaming to asleep within minutes.
http://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/video/soothing-techniques-for-baby

[lauradj]

YES!  Lily and I are both huge fans of The Happiest Baby on the Block.  It worked so well for DS1, the only thing I might caution is I couldn't use it with DS2 because of the reflux.  The gentle jiggle motion aggravated the contents of his little belly.  It's a shame because it works like a hot damn!

[labrodyk]

Thank you both!! I'm having a really bad day today and I kid you not she sleeps in 1 minute increments. She's exhausted, closes her eyes, drops dummy and cue being awake. This has gone on for hours until the next feed all day and she's barely slept. What are my options? Take the dummy cold turkey? It's not just the going to sleep it's the staying asleep that's a problem. I feel SO out of my depth

[lauradj]

Definitely check out Lily's link.  When DS1 was going through a rough patch at about 6/8 weeks, he would wake after 45 minutes for each sleep, without fail.  I ended Shh-Jiggle Jiggling him, right through to 50 minutes and he stayed asleep. Not super realistic with a toddler running around but maybe if you did it on the weekend and DH took your toddler, you could get him over the OT hump?

[labrodyk]

Great link and video! I gave it a try tonight but wasn't very successful, will have to try again tomorrow.

I wish it was the 45 minute nap issue. She's only been in bed 5 minutes and I've replaced the dummy 3 times after she spits it and cries. Then she falls asleep and exactly 5 mins later it's out again and she's wide awake looking for it. It's so frustrating especially when this goes on for hours and hours by which time she's overtired AND hungry but doesn't drink well because she's tired....

It's been 45 minutes of sleeping for 5 mins, losing dummy, replacing and repeat! Is this because she's overtired or a dummy addict already and I've got a sleep issue on my hands?! I'm about to put her in the swing to try and get her some rest! What I don't understand is how she can suck her dummy at night after a feed and spit it out when she's asleep and keep sleeping?!....

[lauradj]

Have you tried wearing your LO?  DS2 would pass out in the Ergo and DS1 loved the sling.  Those two items saved me in the first three months!  I know you want to teach independent sleep right away but a well rested baby is more helpful right now. 

[labrodyk]

She doesn't mind the ergo but she won't fall asleep in it - again has to have something to suck and wakes every few minutes! I'm not trying to be negative at ALL but I feel like I've tried EVERYTHING! Perhaps I'm not keeping her awake enough? Although that seems counterintuitive...

[lauradj]

You mind for this link helpful.  Have a peek.  If you want, post your EASY and we can see if there's room for tweaking. 

Average A times- BOOKMARK ME!

[labrodyk]

Thank you - I'm definitely sticking to no more than 60mins awake but because she's so tired her tired signs are all over the place. I wish we had an EASY but we don't have any predictability or structure at all yet. I spend more time settling than she actually sleeps. After 5 hours awake with a 10min nap we've gone for a long highway drive and she slept for 30mins then spat dummy and is wide awake and crying. Gosh this is so frustrating - I'm trying to help her and I just keep failing. She's not drinking at all now because she's too tired to drink!

[Roseii]

Big hug, my dd was like this and it's exhausting. Have you tried total darkness and loud white noise? (I had a cd) It settled my dd2 and drowned out my dd1- bonus!

[lily_layne]

(((hugs)))

My DD was also very tough to get to sleep. Loud white noise (I used an app called White Noise Baby on our iPad) and the swing were saviours (and tummy sleeping). I would try popping her in the swing (on high speed) once you have her asleep to see if it helps. I don't think the paci is an issue. She's pretty young to have prop issues so I would just do whatever works to get her to sleep (and stay asleep).

My DD did have longer than average A times at that age. Keeping her up a bit more might be worth a shot.

Is she calm when in the sling? Even if she won't sleep in there it might buy you some time with your other LO.