2.5 year old playing with food

[MommyN]

Thanks for your reply. I guess this would fall under different families tolerating things differently... I understand that he is only 2.5 and that he needs to experiment and learn about the world. However, it needs to be in an appropriate way. I do not consider shredding your food till it is inedible and throwing it across the kitchen an appropriate way to experiment with textures- even for a 2.5 yo. That's for the sandbox, play dough, the bath, "helping" mommy cook, playing with the fallen leaves outside etc. "Re-channeling the need to play in an acceptable way," as you mentioned. I do not expect him to eat perfectly like an adult. I do look away from what I believe is age appropriate experimenting and/or the kind of behaviors that will pass. For example, licking the cover of his yogurt when he opens it, opening up his sandwich before eating it, rolling his turkey up and eating it like that etc.
I try to "start as I mean to go on." Food is for eating, not for playing and wasting. We eat politely at the table. And yes, I have seen older children with bad table manners. I am trying to go about teaching manners in a light way that will not cause negative associations and make things worse/ make him more picky.
I don't mean to attack, I just feel very strongly about this.

[MommyN]

So if, from his behaviour, he seems like he's just not very hungry at that time, perhaps offer something you feel is highly nutritious/needed to balance his diet at that time, like scrambled egg or soup.

I did this yesterday. He was hungry, but not used to the early dinner time yet. He had some sliced turkey. Then we went out and he had whole wheat crackers in the park. He also had a yogurt before BT.

Not sure how clear I'm being! Hope it's helpful in some way!

You were very clear. Thanks for being so helpful!

He asked to eat when he came home from playgroup before his nap. He ate nicely for a few minutes and then started to play around. We gave him some chances like Creations said and then took him away from the table. He was upset but I hugged him and explained again why he had to leave the table. I think he's starting to get it.

[creations]

I do not consider shredding your food till it is inedible and throwing it across the kitchen an appropriate way to experiment with textures

I agree, there's no way I'd allow this to happen with a meal for a 2.5yo or an 8 month old (and I wouldn't tell either age off for it, I would just stop it and set them up for greater success at meal times).  As you've said, there are other activities which can be set up for exploring which is really important

One thing which popped into my head this morning because you mentioned breaded chicken, does he like this chicken at other times?  Do you think there may be a dislike to the texture of the crumbed outer?  Just wondering if there's a chance he may be thinking the crumb is 'grit' or 'dirt' and he needs to get rid of it?  Whilst there are some general tips to follow WRT meal times there might also be some specific aspects which could be changed.  My DS for instance has never liked 'bits' so rice, cous cous, cauliflower (and broccoli head although he will now eat this), quinoa are all off the menu, he doesn't like puree/mashed foods so no mashed potato, no mashed carrot and swede etc, he doesn't mind a 'dip' (humous) as he must sense a different texture or flavour there, and he wouldn't eat soup until he was about 4yo. When listed in this way he must sound incredibly picky but he is quite the opposite, has a vast list of liked foods and is very happy to try new foods and flavours.  The things he doesn't like he really doesn't like, if I offered those every day I'd really struggle.

[Katet]

FWIW I didn't have a child who played with food & I doubt I would have found it acceptable or coped well with it either but I also never said you should just accept it.  I was putting the point forward that if you can understand the reasons why it is happening  you will go a long way to understanding how you can change his behaviour to not play with food in a positive way, rather than just needing him to stop, you can help him stop, while not stopping his neural development either.

And yes, I have seen older children with bad table manners. I am trying to go about teaching manners in a light way that will not cause negative associations and make things worse/ make him more picky.
I don't mean to attack, I just feel very strongly about this.

If you look at those families it's pretty easy to see why the children eat with poor manners, it's the modelling

I don't feel it as attacking at all, I've been around long enough to feel very confident in my experiences, but I do think it is ALWAYS important to understand what is actually developmentally normal for a child (which is a wide range) if you are going to help them learn long term.

 As I said (for what ever reason) didn't have children who played with food but I did have a child who bit other children & I learnt (through a best friend who is a developmental psychologist) that there is a HUGE difference between doing nothing & simply  helping them practice different/preferred ways without it getting to the point that it is about what is unacceptable or not. The point I'm making is that there generally isn't a "quick fix" to change a child's behaviour where it is "developmental" & whether we find it acceptable or not, our dislike of it isn't going to change it just because we tell them "we don't do that/stop " we need to model what we do want & give them chances to find alternatives (eg with the biting, realising it happened when children were in his personal space, so preventing that) and to do that needs to be an understanding of what motivates them to do the "undesirable" behaviour rather than just needing it to stop.

[MommyN]

One thing which popped into my head this morning because you mentioned breaded chicken, does he like this chicken at other times?  Do you think there may be a dislike to the texture of the crumbed outer?

Funny you mention that, because he has always liked smooth textures like pasta, yogurt, peanut butter etc. and it surprises me that he likes this kind of chicken. But he does! It is the one healthy dinner food that he will almost always eat.

Thanks for the clarification Katet. I'm not sure where this behavior is coming from. I think that it is worse when he's tired. That's why I'm experimenting with changing around his meal times.

[Katet]

I'm not sure where this behavior is coming from.

It's probably just that he's exploring texture & needing to do lots of "messy" play which is normal at that age. It's like children throwing toys, they need to "throw" so it's a matter of transfering it to an acceptable place so they *can* do what their body needs. That's the thing toddlers & preschoolers tend to be hard wired to do EXACTLY what their body needs developmentally & they will keep doing it because they don't have the impulse control to say "Mum says that isn't acceptable so I will stop" & that's because their developmental drive will tend to need to override any message that counters them doing what their body is telling them it needs to "explore" All the pulling apart is about fine motor skills (which are really important) & so that's why he will be doing it because he's needing that developmental stimulation.