My independent sleeper returns to independence the second he is able to. I never worry about giving him extra help through developmental phases, illness, teeth etc, admittedly it was rare I took him into my own bed, I'd rather sooth in his room, but some times things were SO bad I took him in with me...even then he returned to independence just as soon as he could.
Hair stroking can be weaned in a similar way to patting, use it when needed and reduce bit by bit when you believe LO to be 'better' or over the phase. If you have a key phrase I would use that too so you can eventually reassure from outside the room (not necessarily now but if you need to later), it's good to get that key phrase associated with cuddles and support.
And does there come a point when you should allow a little crying as appose to rushing back in at his demands? (soother throwing)
I realise I intended to say something about this and forgot!
Whilst I wouldn't leave my LO totally alone crying for attention or a soother/lovey I would also not entertain a 'game'. This game, you are already aware is to get your attention, personally I would give the attention he is asking for without allowing the 'game'. I'm a huge fan of lovies as they hold so much power to comfort a child so I would never purposely without a lovie *but* when mine went through a phase of throwing his muslin (lovie) out of the cot I told him firmly that if he throws it out it means he doesn't want it. I had returned it several times like you have with the soother and then enough was enough. I told him something like "If you want your muslin, keep it in the cot" and if he continued to throw it out I went to him to be there for him but I did not return it. Yes he was angry and shouted a lot but I was right with him. The game rapidly stopped. so, whilst I do believe you need to be there and respond to his call for attention, I don't think you need to take part in this power game with the soother. Hope that makes sense.
