Need advice/support on NW and night weaning for 13 mon. old

[adkillip]

My active LO has always had trouble with nightwakings. In the last month we have weaned him from day feedings and switched to cow's milk, although he only drinks it at daycare and refuses at home. WE have finally gotten him to sleep independently for naps and bedtime at home, he had been doing this for months at daycare for his naps. His naps at home he starts getting fussy and I take him to nursery, rock him over shoulder for a transition and then lay him down and say night night and walk out of room. He will mantra cry for usually no more than 2 minutes and then be out. At bedtime I do bedtime routine, nurse in another room then while he is still awake walk him to nursery, rock him over shoulder for trnsition and repeat nap routine. He falls asleep just like naps. Yay!! this was huge for us. Our problem is he wakes 2-4 times at night still. DH was going in the first time, calming him and then putting  him back down and he'd fall asleep. I handled the rest of NW, unfortunatly He won't settle down for me until I feed him, he actually lifts my shirt up and screams. I would have DH do all NW, but he recently had shoulder surgery and cannot lift LO, so all NW are now on me. Don't want to traumatize him by putting him in crib when he's still screaming. Not sure what to do?
I have gotten conflicting advice from friends and family about night weaning, whether he needs it or not. So lost!!
Appreciate any thought anyone might have...frustrated and lost!

[creations]

I would say that whilst some mums might choose to continue to BF at night (that's their choice) really beyond 12 months a LO doesn't have a need for milk in the night.
If you really want to break the habit I'd say you probably have to be strong and just do it, be there for support and cuddles but be very firm in your own mind that you are not going to feed at night, and tell him so.  Maybe offer a sippy cup of water instead?
What do you think?

[adkillip]

I intend to break the feedings. Do you think its okay to put him in crib while still screaming to my refusal to feed him? I'm a little worried because he has started to bang his head recently when he gets this upset. But everything else i have tried other to calm him other than feeding does not work.

[creations]

Well, if he was screaming I'd probably hold him rather than put him down in the crib. I wouldn't let him be somewhere where he is likely to bang his head either. I'd hold him firmly if that's what it took to prevent him hurting himself, firmly and with gentle words to reassure him. That doesn't mean he is going to stop screaming but it does mean he knows he has your support and care.  Sometimes our support, cuddles, words, might appear to be ineffectual but that is not so, your DS knows you are there with him even if he doesn't stop shouting or crying.

There are 2 ways forward with this.
One is to just cold turkey stop the night feeds. You must stay with him and help him with his upset and frustration throughout though and it sounds like it is going to be hard work. But on the other side he is likely to stop expecting or asking for night feeds within about 3 nights, possibly a week.  The thing is though, he is going to protest, you must expect this, and you must be ready to stay calm, peaceful and supportive and to NOT give in and BF after a while otherwise it undoes all of the progress and only teaches him that he needs to cry and shout for longer to get it.  It is not fair on him to confuse him by denying him the BF and then giving it.
The other is to do more of a gentle wean.  Have you read Pantely's Gentle removal plan?  Here's the link
Gentle Removal Plan
Whilst your LO is older than the method is described for I see no reason why you couldn't use it as a basis to wean him off the BF in a non-screaming way. You would adapt it to suit your particular situation. The main point of the method is to keep moving forward with the wean, each point gets closer to the goal.
I imagine the gentle wean taking longer as it is a slower step by step approach.

It depends what you think suits you best really. Cold turkey and likely faster or gentle wean and likely slower.  either way you need to be focused and determined.

Can I just check, is he getting enough milk in the day?  I'm not talking of set amounts really more that if he feels he needs more milk/dairy in his diet perhaps this could be contributing to his demands at night?  You mentioned he has transitioned to cows milk at day care, is it a reasonable portion he takes or just a few sips?

[adkillip]

Thank you for your reply. we worked on Gentle removal plan to get rid of BF prop for nap and bedtime. It worked until we got down to a 5 min feed then it became apparent that we were at a standstill and that when i went cold turkey for those.
So at this point I'm leaning toward cold turkey, he will resettle for one NW without feed for me. I just need to be more focused on end result and follow thru on other NW.

He drinks a full sippy cup of milk with his breakfast and lunch at daycare as well as a dairy snack of yogurt or cheese in the day. I've had the same concern about his dairy intake contributing to NF, perhaps that is why i have not been able to get away from them. I particularly worry on weekends as he continues to refuse cow's milk at home. I have tried various cups, leaving the house and having DH give it to him,etc. He does eat yogurt and string cheese for me though.

[creations]

He drinks a full sippy cup of milk with his breakfast and lunch at daycare as well as a dairy snack of yogurt or cheese in the day. I've had the same concern about his dairy intake contributing to NF, perhaps that is why i have not been able to get away from them. I particularly worry on weekends as he continues to refuse cow's milk at home. I have tried various cups, leaving the house and having DH give it to him,etc. He does eat yogurt and string cheese for me though.

Sounds like he is getting plenty. Even if he won't drink cows milk at home he's eating dairy products so shouldn't be a problem especially as he has plenty at day care in the week.  Maybe try a few extra diary solids at home at the weekend, evaporated milk is something like double the calcium of regular milk (make sure it is not sweetened if you decide to try it), he might go for the different flavour of it, or mascarpone cheese is high fat, or make a milk pudding for desert (just milk thickened with corn flour over heat, add a non-sugar flavour such as vanilla or cinnamon or nutmeg, it will set into a 'pudding' if you let it cool, then chill).
You might also try a straw for a milk drink if you haven't already tried it. Mine took a straw at 13 months for his big milk drink at home, I still sat him on my knee to hold the cup/bottle with the straw in it. I used the wide type with a bend in.

I just need to be more focused on end result and follow thru on other NW.

I think then that you need to mentally prepare yourself, knowing he will scream and shout about his frustration, and put aside for a few days your worry over his sleep needs.  If he is awake a long time this will make him tired or OT but eventually the tiredness overtakes and that will help you get him to sleep without a BF even if it's an OT sleep where he keeps waking. In a sense it can even be helpful because if he has lots of OT wake ups he will also fall to sleep lots of times without the BF in effect it gives him more practise at what is expected of him within fewer nights.
Good luck! x