Hi. I am after some advice about my 27 year old son who was always a brilliant sleeper with a really good and strict EASY routine, until the last three months when things started going wrong just before he turned two.
I think there were probably a lot of factors as we were on a long 6 week holiday when it started to go bad, think he might have been going through a sleep regression as he was screaming when we left him, and also some separation anxiety as he cried for 2 months being left at daycare which is not like him. Plus he had three illnesses close together and so did end up sleeping in our bed quite a lot.
Anyway, his sleep problems have changed a bit over the three months. Initially it was crying and screaming when we left him in the room. We did end up doing about 10 days of sleep training which improved things considerably, but he was still crying we left him, and also asking to go in the "big bed" which is also in his room. We (I think mistakenly!) thought that he might prefer to be in the bed so moved him. Initially things were fine but then he started crying again. We tried leaving the door open and also getting a night light which again helped for awhile.
At some point during this we also reduced his nap to an hour and a half from 2-2.5 hours which helped a bit too.
However, for the last few weeks he won't stay in his bed which I know is a common problem for toddlers in the big bed. He doesn't seem upset but is just running around and in and out of bed. He also comes into our room in the middle of the night and either we don't notice he has got into our bed, or my DH puts him in there. I thought that he might still be undertired so tried reducing his nap to an hour but I think that combined with him not sleeping till quite late (9 sometimes, rather than 7) on some nights, plus NWs has made him overtired. He has been really miserable, crying in the early hours of the morning and falling asleep in the car at 10:30am.
The other thing which doesn't help is that DH and I can't agree on how to manage it which is causing arguments and inconsistency which I know is making it worse. I would rather try the harder approach whereas he thinks that there isn't anything wrong with letting DS sleep in our bed and if he doesn't want to be in his own bed it must be because he wants to feel secure. He hates listening to him cry!
The last two nights I have been trying to sit by his bed till he falls asleep, as that doesn't lead to crying as much so DH doesn't mind it as much, so he stays there and it has taken an hour and then 2 hours last night. I did want to gradually move to the chair, then to the door etc but am not sure that is actually going to work as last night I started off in the chair but he still kept getting out of bed, and it isn't that he is actually upset when we leave.
Also, he then came into our room again last night and when I tried to put him back in his room and stay with him he screamed until DH eventually came and took him off me and put him in our bed.
So, I was just wondering what the best middle ground is - eg is it worth trying the gradual withdrawal method at all, and if he does end up in our bed in the middle of the night is that going to totally ruin it, or can I hope that if he starts to learn to sleep on his own at the start of the night then NW might improve too?! Also, I don't know if his routine needs tweaking. At the moment it is:
Wake 7am
Nap around 12:15-12:45 for an hour when at daycare. I have been trying to put him down at 1 but that usually leads to running around too and he doesn't sleep till about 1:30 or later until 2:30. Am thinking I might need to put him down earlier for his nap like at daycare.
Bedtime routine (bath, pjs, stories, bed) 6:30pm
meant to be in bed at 7pm but can take anywhere from half an hour to over two hours to get him to sleep
NW usually around midnight
Thanks for your help!
