I need some help figuring out DS2, please

[michaeljacknnugg]

Just going to blurt out what I've figured out so far and hope it makes sense!

He sleeps well at night, mainly because he's in with me. Last night I worked out that he has a very strong startle reflex and will sleep in his bedside crib - but only with holding through the jolts and through the transition between sleep cycles after every feed. I had him swaddled with his arms up, which seems to help a bit, but he really needs a hand on him. This means I'm awake to feed and then awake for the next 40minutes, which isn't sustainable. As I told DH through exhausted tears at 3am!

How quickly do they lose the startle reflex, and what can I do to help (apart from swaddle)? Having him in with me seems to modulate it so I'll continue that for a while, but I think I'll try him in his crib for the first part of the night when I'm not too tired.

Naps are extremely hit and miss. Some days he will skip several entirely, some days (like now) he'll want to snuggle in after a feed and sleep. He has a variety of nap locations (in arms, sling, buggy) and there is nothing that reliably will get him to sleep right now. It's just him deciding.

I'd like to have him nap in the crib once a day, ideally, and I'm happy to keep a hand on him to get him through the startles. At other times I'd like him to just stay asleep once he's gone off! He generally wakes as soon as we stop whatever it was that made him go to sleep.

If he's skipped a nap he seems to need feeding earlier. How much earlier is ok? I don't want to get into a snacking or feed to sleep situation as these totally throw things off for me.

DS1 screamed himself to sleep for all naps and bt (extremely stressful) so this is all new to me. I'm finding it tough going if I'm honest, I know he will regulate his own sleep but after DS1 I find naps to be a stress point for me.

Help!

[becj86]

Part of the startle thing you just have to wait out, IME.

A lot of why DS woke in the early months (and still now at 4.5, TBH) was new sensory input. DS would wake if there was any new noise - we worked on that by showing him the source of every noise and showing how the noise-making thing was controlled. The gardeners looked at me like I was mad showing my tiny baby how the leaf blower turned on and off but once he'd spent 5 min seeing how it worked and that it was something someone was actually controlling, he slept through it every time thereafter. He likewise wakes if it gets windy or we walk past a new smell.

For naps - it really helped to have some tight hugs in the WD routine (often the only thing in the WD) to help him release some of his pent up energy, reduce OS, etc.

I found that DS' feed cues doubled as sleep cues - might be worth trying a nap when those feed cues happen? eg. early on, DS would miss a nap but want feeding after 1:45-2hr and I would feed but it increased my oversupply, compounded foremilk imbalance issues and terrible tummy symptoms for the poor little fellow and I wish that lightbulb had gone off earlier than ~4 months when he would literally latch onto my breasts through my shirt when he was tired. My only caution there would be that he's still pretty little and you want to make sure he gets fed enough. DS was unusual in his long gaps between feeds but it made a massive difference in that he started putting on weight when I spaced feeds with minimum 3hr between.

[michaeljacknnugg]

He is definitely feeding enough, he's growing like a weed!

I am not really sure of his cues when he gets that tired, everything is just wrong, yk? I try everything else I can think of before feeding him. I'm not sure what else to do at that point and he does generally seem hungry by then - something else to suck will generally not be good enough.

What do I do about him breaking out of the swaddle?

[michaeljacknnugg]

Oh yes, and do I just wait for a routine to settle in? Yesterday he had two short and two long naps and then wouldn't settle until 9pm, the day before he managed four very short naps and went to sleep at 7pm. Very different days!

[4isstillnighttime]

  as you know I can't advise at ALL about sleep due to my 3 insomniacs....but what has REALLY helped me manage my anxiety around sleep this time round is 1) doing whatever it takes to get 1 good nap a day and 2) remembering that it's actually a fairly short period in their lives that they need naps at all. And all the things I used to REALLY fret about with the twins (45 min naps, etc) are a thing of the past.

I know, I know - I need to listen to my own advice! But I am eating Christmas shortbread on the sofa with a hot choc and feeling mellow.

Lots of hand holding, biscuits, tea, wine.....

[becj86]

I reckon he's so little if you stick with EAS order (where possible, don't starve him if he won't sleep, of course), a routine should emerge eventually. I would definitely feed after sleep so associate waking up with feeding, it was very helpful for us but that's my experience with a sample size of one. Its pretty reasonable to be haphazard at the moment, he's still tiny and if he's anything like DS was, he's probably bug-eyed the whole time he's awake because the world is so interesting!

I swaddled on and off, I used it more as a sleep cue for DS than to dampen the startle reflex - he broke out of it and his reflex wasn't too bad once he got used to it, though when that was is hard to say, memory is a bit hazy on the details.

[michaeljacknnugg]

Yes, I am generally feeding upon wakeup (where possible) and yes he is indeed bug eyed at everything! It's very cute.

He's started to give a few more sleep cues - getting chatty and cooing to us in an attempt to stay up longer is one. Just like his brother!

I've also discovered that he will sleep in his little chair if I rock it for long enough. If I catch him at the right point (tricky) and just sit and rock, the arms stay down and relaxed and the eyes fix onto something and he gradually nods off. I got one good nap and too partial ones like this in the last 24hrs and I think it's a start. At the very least it means I'm not holding him to sleep/feeding him to sleep, and I can also lie down and watch junky tv/snuggle with DS1 whilst doing it. That helps.

Tummy sleeping might be an option for him once he's older? I'll let him decide when he can roll over.

[becj86]

Tummy sleeping might be an option for him once he's older? I'll let him decide when he can roll over.

Yep, DS was a tummy sleeper early on too. Plenty of moments of panic when he had his face straight down onto the mattress but I realised he was putting his forehead on the mattress and his little nose stuck out so he could breathe. After that I'd just put my hand on his back and feel the rise and fall to check for breathing.

The right point is indeed tricky, it will come easier as he gets older.

[*Liz*]

Whilst this isn't helping you figure out DS2 as such  , can I just say REALLY not to worry too much about the means to sleep at this age? T slept in my arms, and mainly on my chest at night for many many months, and just slowly grew out of wanting that. These days he is stupidly and furiously independent about sleep - he will whinge, sign sleep, and expect to be thrown in his cot wide awake within mins  - true to his word he will then sleep. Now I can't get him to sleep unless he thinks it is a good idea  .

But in the moment we had the short naps, the wide awake days, the sling sleeps and then '3 hour glued to the sofa' sleeps.

Equally I BF M to sleep until I weaned at 8 months. It was the only way to get a decent nap out of that one  .

With all of my kids, simply by being mindful of what I wanted in the end, it really was all plain sailing from 6 months.

Young babies are just pests  .

[michaeljacknnugg]

So you kinda waited and it just happened? That would be so nice!

He had a 6 minute nap this morning. Honestly!! Now he's asleep on me and I bet you I'll have to wake him to get out on time. Or maybe I'll just be late.

Young babies are indeed pests!

[becj86]

With L, yes, at 4 months I did 4hr EASY by the clock for a few days and he fell into the routine really well (still with props for sleep) then at 4.5-5 months, once his routine was really solid and I could see his cues reasonably well, I did a couple of days of ST. That said, he did sleep in his cot all night every night from the very beginning, he was not coming into bed with us though he was in the same room for the first few weeks and then just across the hall from us.

[michaeljacknnugg]

It's going to be a challenge to get him into his own bed, I think. For now I'll stick with having at least some naps outside our arms.

Last night started really badly, he just wouldn't settle and wouldn't feed (we've been cluster feeding). Must have been shattered as he'd been up for 6 hours by the time he did finally sleep. But then he only woke to feed once (went 10pm-3am) so he's been forgiven!

[michaeljacknnugg]

I just have to say though - it is soooo lovely when he falls asleep easily in my arms

[becj86]

It is rather lovely, enjoy those newborn snuggles!

[4isstillnighttime]

And it goes so quickly!!! I'm always trying to get the twins to cuddle me and they are just too busy!!