Author Topic: 14 months old: rarely sleeps through, 2-3 hours NW ... DH WANTS TO CIO! HELP!!!  (Read 633 times)

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Offline Kimberlina

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I don't even know where to begin.

I posted here about 6-8 months ago and began to get us on track... things have marginally improved, but really they're pretty bad to us. DH is exhausted and he wants to start to let DS CIO, this is supported by my mum & step dad, whom we live with. I simply cannot do it.

He is an excellent napper... for DH. If DH puts him down at nap- or night-time, easy peasy, takes about 5 minutes maximum. If I do it, he falls asleep in my arms (it's the ONLY way just now) and I literally cannot put him down or he will wake and scream until I pick him up again. I can do this for the whole 1.5hr+  It hasn't always been this way... ?

Night times. Sometimes he will sleep through (10% of the time?) and then wake early (530am or so?)... Otherwise he will have a looooong NW and then sleep to about 6am.

The night before last, he woke at 120am and didn't go back down until 350am. We tried all sorts - rocking him to sleep in our arms (woke when we put him down), but I finally got him to sleep by lying down with him in his cot and sneaking out when he was finally asleep. Last night he woke at 3am and didn't go back down until 5am. The cot-trick didn't work, and he finally fell asleep in my arms and I brought him back to bed with me rather than risk waking him up by putting him in his bed.

At this age, his brother was a self-soothe pro! You could put him in his bed and leave him to it! I have tried to teach M this, but he's not having it. It seems to me that whatever worked one night, doesn't work the next! I can't even BF him to sleep anymore! I know all of these things are props, but I simply can't seem to get him to take himself off to sleep.

He's down to 1 nap, so his EASY looks something like this:

5:30a wake up
11:00 nap (1.5-2 hrs)
6:30p bedtime


PLEASE help me formulate a plan! I cannot let him CIO, which is what DH wants to start doing, but I cannot go on like this either. His older brother was so consistent in his needs, but M seems to be all over the place and the same thing doesn't work twice!
♥ Kim
   

Offline Katet

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Hugs - Firstly have you checked out things like ears & teething as issues as to why he wakes.

Also from your other post he's pretty much been BF all over the shop so until you sort that out it's really unfair to confuse him more. 

In terms of CIO - ask your husband how he'd feel if he was put in a new job (that he'd never ever had experience in before) & told to "work it out" & never given support of any kind... because that is what he is asking of your 14mo. 

Been a while since I've been with baby/toddler sleep -although because of my DH's new job I've got renewed interest as he's been bringing me home research in the area (he is the Finance Manager for a Baby support organisation in our City & they do lots of overnight stays to help babies with sleep) & one of the things they say is "CIO is not a solution"
https://www.tresillian.org.au look under settling & the age & it pretty much says to be there with your child- this is based on loads of research that has totally changed the way this organisation manages sleep in the last 10 years.
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05

Offline Kimberlina

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Kate, you have been my knight in shining armour lately!!! My own personal Wonder Woman! I thank you.

I love how you have worded things re CIO - I think that would be something DH would understand. And thank you for the link - I am looking at it now!

I am sorting out BF at the moment - I'm sticking to a strict morning / late afternoon milkies routine, with sippy cups of milk / almond milk / water throughout the day. I think this is ok?

TBH, even when BF wasn't crazy, he has always been like this. So very inconsistent with his ... needs? The things he needs to get him sleepy again? He behaves one way for DH/my mum, and totally different for me. (He will lie down in his bed for DH, but not for me, etc)
♥ Kim
   

Offline Kimberlina

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I'd be grateful for some suggestions on helping him STTN and get to sleep independently... anyone??
♥ Kim
   

Offline Kimberlina

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♥ Kim
   

Offline Mattsmummy

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aww..Bless you.
 Your DS sounds EXACTLY like mine was...Long NW, EMW basically all over the map.

There are two approaches to look at - Gradual withdrawal and WIWO.

 I used gradual withdrawal with my DS and it worked like a charm. We still have issues with DS sleep and his needs/fears change over the years but I always go back to this method and it always seems to work for us.

I don't know how to link to it but on the main sleep page there is sticky for both approaches.

Please check out the stickies. It sounds like a gradual withdrawal method would work for your little guy.

As a side, note. I have a friend who's son is 5 months older than mine. She let him cry it out just after his first birthday. 3 hours of screaming it took him to fall asleep the first night. They are both now 4 (he's almost 5) and they STILL have major issues with his sleep. They have had to resort to letting him CIO on many occasions...food for thought.
"But the fighter still remains"

Offline weaver

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Hugs and well done for resisting CIO. Bottom line - CIO is simply leaving your child to cry, intentionally withholding support and reassurance until they fall asleep from exhaustion. They learn only that they will be ignored. Say that to DH and see if he's still keen.

If he's always fallen asleep in your arms, then that's the first thing you need to tackle. He needs to learn to be in the cot for sleep.  You can work from putting him in drowsy or you can choose to put him in awake, a lot depends on personality (yours and his, we like to be clear from the start, this is how it will be). Clearly, he will object , but you will reassure and comfort him through it. Tell him you'll stay with him but he's going to sleep in his cot (I've spent lots of time sitting on bedroom floors, holding hands through the cot bars or whatever works) GW for that stage, and maybe WIWO a bit later in the game. You will probably need to commit to sitting in the roll with him for a longish time so he has the comfort of your presence and learns it's all ok. In BWSAYP Tracy has examples of parents sleeping on the floor (mattress) to help children with this transition. Remember how long he's done it the old way, it'll take time to learn the new.
*Anne*, loving mama to a honeybee (2010) and a sweetpea (2012).  BF for 4 proud years.


Offline becj86

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When did he go to one nap? Wondering if he is LSN? Just because you have those long NW (honestly, 11hr night and 1.5-2hr nap is pretty good at this age so maybe shifting the whole lot later might be better than thinking he will magically sleep 12hr). Long NW in the early hours of the morning can be a sign of UT in which case either move the nap later or cap it - I'd move later first, because just extending one A time and still having the same overall amount of awake and sleep if often enough for a young toddler to sort out those UT NWs.

Agree with PPs and have nothing to add re: CIO and ST approaches, particularly Anne's suggestions of how to do GW.

Offline KatyBee

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I haven't read everyone's comments apologies but I don't have long & didn't want to read & run.

My son is LSN and was already on 1 nap at that age with very similar nightwakings & v early rising. He woke every 2 hours until 14 months as he fell asleep feeding, as soon as I removed that prop (I put him down drowsy but awake & stayed with him until he fell asleep) he started sleeping through fairly regularly.

Then to be honest we just had to ride out the early wakings as I gradually capped his nap more & more... then around 18mo he would be awake for up to 3hrs in the night due to UT from the nap which was only around an hour at that point but I struggled to cap it anymore, so we just held out for a while until he was older.

Your comment about bring a great napper rang bells as my son would take 2 hours easily at this stage if I let him (as he was exhausted for disturbed nights!) but it totally screwed our nights.... So I made a conscious effort to try and reverse it by nap capping and shortening the length of his day so he'd be tired for the important overnight sleep.

The biggest helper for us was SUPER early bedtimes... Even 5/5:30pm.... Have you tried capping the nap & shortening his day? I aimed for 12 hours... might be worth trying if all else fails and see what happens.

My son has never ever been left to CIO - it is totally unnecessary. I see it as cruel & unfair, especially  if the parents haven't even tried to understand whether their child is actually OT/UT and tried a few different routine adjustment. Good luck!