Author Topic: Research request: A Mum's perspective on sleep deprivation and night wakings?  (Read 5842 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Melodymumof1

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
I'm a mum of a 3 yr old who was lucky to have the support of this forum during the first years of his life. Inspired by that experience I am now working on my Master thesis in Visual and Media Anthropology and I wanted to reach out to you all as I am researching "the experience of sleep deprivation and night wakings in babies under 2 years old from the perspective of mothers."

If you have the time to answer any of the questions below I'd be incredibly grateful.

* How old is your baby?

* How many times does your baby wake up in the night?

* How much sleep do you think you get?

* How many days of broken sleep can you handle before you start to feel the effects during your daytime?

Any input or thoughts you may have would be fantastic, please feel free to post here, pm me or email me on: Melody@hazardandchance.com .
Many thanks and best wishes
Melody (Melodymumof1)

Offline creations

  • Feeding Solid Food & EASY
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 496
  • Posts: 21993
  • Location: UK
Hi Melody and welcome back to the forums :)

My DS is turning 5yo in a few days so I am outside the bracket of your research but I hope you get the responses you need for your thesis.
I actually try my best not to think of our year from 1yo - 2yo the lack of sleep was shocking!  Teeth!!
I do remember getting my first lie in (with someone else to mind DS) at 19 months, really I don't know how I lasted.


Offline Melodymumof1

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
Hi Creations, thank you so much for sharing your experience. It would be great to hear from some of the other mum's here on the forum who feel they'd like to share their experience. One of the reasons for doing this research is to create a deeper understanding of what we are parents experience during this time of no sleep and the hope is that it will provide insight so that there is more empathy and more support for parents during this time. Please rest assured everything can be anonymous if that is a concern and please feel free to pm me if you have any questions about the research I'm doing. Thanks again for all your support. Very best wishes!  Melody

Offline dache

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 22
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 1565
  • Location: Macedonia
Hi Melody.

My lo just turned two a few weeks ago.
She is not waking at night unless something is bothering her.
At the moment, I`d say I`m getting around 7 hours of sleep.
Maybe because we had lots of sleepless nights and busy days in the past 2 year but I`m at a phase where even after one bad night I get grumpy, although I can still function. After 4-5 nights it really affects me. Thankfully, dh is great, he gets up with her during the nights or leaves me to sleep in if I was up with her.

Hope you get all the information you need and your research goes well.



Offline Lindsay27

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 78
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 4031
  • Location: Ontario, Canada
Hi Melody :) Answers to your questions below!

- my baby is pretty new so I'm on the low end of the sleep scale.  She's 5 weeks and my DS is 3 years
- she pretty consistently wakes every 3hrs over night, so 10pm, 1am, 4am, 7am...so 3 times I guess if you count the 10pm feed
- I think I get about 5-6hrs of sleep a night.  Each feed takes 30mins-1hr. (can take long as she often goes on a poop marathon and often gets the hiccups which can last a while).  Each stretch of sleep I get is usually 2-2.5hrs
- I'd say it doesn't take very many days of broken sleep to affect my daytime (maybe a week?) but you just learn to live with it, like we all do.  My DH is great though and will let me take a nap on the weekend if I need to

Hope this helps!
« Last Edit: January 13, 2016, 09:19:26 am by Lindsay27 »



Offline trimbler

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 37
  • Posts: 3029
  • Location: London, UK
Hi there, sounds interesting :) sorry I kept putting this off as I wasn't really sure of my answers :P But here's my best guess...

- DD is almost 19mo
- dealing with some OT at the moment from 18mo SR and 2-1 transition, so waking a couple of times on average before we go to bed, wakes us up probably once during the night on average, then waking early, variable times
- I probably get 6-7h broken sleep on a good night, sometimes by sleeping in the living room :P
- I hate sleep deprivation! If I've had a run of decent nights, I can manage ok after one bad night but then it hits me the following day. After 2-3 bad nights, I'm struggling and if it goes on for a week or more, I feel myself spiralling down and that's my cue to sleep in the living room for a while! DH is good at falling asleep quickly or not waking up if he doesn't really need to, or snoozing on the sofa in the evenings - I'm not!



Offline Melodymumof1

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
Thank you all so much for taking the time to answer my questions Lindsay mentioned something that it's something we all learn to live with. It's so true, it's something ultimately we find a way to deal with. But my question if anyone has a moment to answer is how do you cope? Do you have any strategies for coping? And where or who are the places or people you go to for support?

Thanks again! Melody

Offline Eva's Mummy

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 14
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 2332
  • Gail
  • Location: Scotland
Hiya,

My baby is 16 months, she has slept through the night maybe 10 times since birth  ::)

She still wakes twice a nigh every night.

I get around 3hrs unbroken sleep or around 5/6 hours all in.

How many days of broken sleep can I handle, we it seems 16 months! I am constantly tired but luckily dd1 still naps so 2 days a week when I'm not at work I get an hours snooze at 1 and that seems to keep me going. I am far more short tempered than I use to be, I cant be bothered doing as much cooking and housework as usual, but you just get on with it. Seeing my beautiful girls grow up makes it all worth while. Don't have lots of support but I don't nee it when my girls cuddle me and say they love me, what more do we need.

I do on the odd day she does sttn get that feeling in the morning of omg, how amazing will I fell when I can do this all the time.
 


My beautiful spirited little angel



My angel baby girl


Offline creations

  • Feeding Solid Food & EASY
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 496
  • Posts: 21993
  • Location: UK
Giving you a bump up to see if anyone else has some replies for you :)


Offline Mimi1

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 14
  • Location:
Hi, my lb is just over 7 months and never slept through yet. He can wake anything between 2 to 5 times at night. I get around 6 hours broken sleep. It affects me very quickly if I have a particularly bad night. My partner is great and although working he will get up a few times to help if our lb wakes a lot.
I think I become more patient and undwrstanding but have no time for people who are annoying. 😁

Offline Lindsay27

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 78
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 4031
  • Location: Ontario, Canada
But my question if anyone has a moment to answer is how do you cope?
Drink wine!? LOL :P

Seriously though...

My DH is pretty great, if there is a bad night he will get up with the kids on the weekend and let me sleep for another hour or 2, or take a nap with the baby.  This is limited to weekends though since he works during the week.  Having that support is greatly needed and appreciated.  There are some days though that you just can't cope and it takes everything in you just to make it through the day.  On those days I think you just cope by letting other things go, the cleaning, laundry or whatever just to give yourself a break. 



Offline -Maya-

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 10
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 671
  • Location: Turin, Italy
Talk about broken sleep? Here I am.

DS is 19 mo (almost 20!). Now he usually wakes up once a night, easily resettled (unless bad things going on, i.e. teething). I had an awsful 1 year of DS so now 1 night of bad sleep is enough for me to fall into ppd. Two if tyue come after a row of good nights. Good nights are intended for me: I can stay awake even when DS is sleeping for sheer stress. I do not cope in any way with that: only things that usually works is medi to sleep and DH sleeping in DS room, so I am not bothered by baby monitor. Mind that I was the best sleeper before DS.
I uslally get 7h of sleep + break and one or one and a half hour of very light sleep.

Offline centrestage88

  • BW Devotee
  • ****
  • Showing Appreciation 3
  • Posts: 254
  • Location:
you have the time to answer any of the questions below I'd be incredibly grateful.

* How old is your baby?

* How many times does your baby wake up in the night?

* How much sleep do you think you get?

* How many days of broken sleep can you handle before you

Hi
My lo is almost 11 months. He started sttn from 10months. Previously it was once a night. I get around 8 hrs of broken sleep.( I wake up at every sound he makes. Silly me.:) )
I'm not good dealing with lack of sleep. 2 days and I start feeling very overwhelmed.

Offline Katet

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 608
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 14364
  • Sydney Australia
  • Location: Sydney
My children are now 10yo & 12yo. They were both (for different reasons not the best sleepers) but in the last 2 weeks I have been reminded of what the impact of less than ideal sleep (for me) has. I can sort of compare what "normal" feels like compared to broken in a very different way & it brought back lots of memories, so while it may be outside your questionaire range I thought it might be interesting.
So background I have been a "tour parent" for 12 girls on a 12 night tour overseas. We had a busy program & aimed for the 10-12yo boys & girls to go to bed around 8.30/9pm & up around 6.30/7 depending on training times as it was a track & field Athletics tour.  So they were getting around 10 hours sleep IF (not often happened) we weren't running late & they weren't unsettled by another child in the group. So by the time we got them settled around 10/10.30 & then we sorted ourselves for the night (& often needed to unwind with other adults in the Rec room) we made it to bed around midnight & up again at 6am to be showered & ready before the children were up... so 6hours was a "normal" night (I normally get 8 hours) then of course it was an open dorm so children talking in their sleep even falling out of bed, getting up to go to the toilet it was broken sleep. I have a fit bit, so I know  the wake periods etc & it was very different to my normal patterns.

I found 1) I was far more emotional about things 2) I got even more frustrated by noise (I'm noise sensitive anyway) 3) I was tired - exhausted to the point of tears sometimes, but I couldn't get to sleep & need a LONG time to wind down even though I wanted to sleep 5) food choices were different, I looked for food that would give me a pick up rather than being hungry.

This brought back memories of when my boys were babies/toddlers & while I loved them, all I looked forward to was when I could have a nap or go to bed. I spent lots of time waiting wishing for the next time i could get some sleep.
 I also today notice that I feel a whole host of emotions over things that I just normally get on with without a thought, like I have to make a phone call to sort out a problem - it makes me cranky I have to do that - extra cranky & I fear I will get angry when I do, I'm dreading having to go get groceries because the environment will be too over stimulating & I will feel stressed by it.

Overall this is 12 nights with around 6 hours of sleep & on average 2 wakings a night & I've got to that point... looking back on my journals when my boys were little - DS1 fed every 2.5 hours & a feed lasted 1 hour, by 3 months it was more like 3.5hours & 30mins & he had night wakings on off until 4yo... DS2 fed every 3-4 hours & took 20-30mins & that was noticeably better, but if I had 2 nights of teething where I got say 4 hours of broken sleep I was worried about driving a car etc.
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05

Offline ecwinters

  • BW Aficionado
  • ***
  • Showing Appreciation 2
  • Posts: 152
  • Location:
This is really interesting!  Just to add my bit...

How old is your baby?- nearly 10 months old.

How many times does your baby wake up in the night? - once on a very good night but otherwise 2 or 3 times.  Can be up to 7 or 8 times if teething or something else is going on with him!

How much sleep do you think you get? - I have just got into the habit of going to bed as early as I feel I can get away with (and still get a few things done in the evening) so on a good or average night it's probably about 6-7 hours.  I sleep with the monitor next to my ear though so any sound DS makes wakes me up.  If I get an unbroken stretch of 5 or 6 hours sleep then it's a good night.  On a bad night it can drop to about 3 hours (broken) and once I;ve been woken up about 3 times it's rare that I can get back to sleep anyway.

How many days of broken sleep can you handle before you start to feel the effects during your daytime? - only about 1 night! My DH says I have a personality change at 3am when DS is having a bad night!  I'm afraid I take it out on DH, who is much calmer about it than me, but also finds it hard to stay awake once he gets extremely tired and will just fall asleep.  I tend to get stressed rather than sleepy.  If DS is having a bad week and DH is working away from home then after 2 or 3 days I start to feel quite miserable from lack of proper sleep.

Offline weaver

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 210
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 10146
  • May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears
  • Location:
My babies are too big for your study :) but I think an interesting angle to add in would be how expectations change how we feel about NWs - are we ok with NWs when we expect them (because baba is a newborn or whatever age) and then not ok with them when they come out of nowhere?
*Anne*, loving mama to a honeybee (2010) and a sweetpea (2012).  BF for 4 proud years.


Offline claredm

  • New & Learning The Ropes
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 1
  • Posts: 35
  • Location:
* How old is your baby? 11.5 months

* How many times does your baby wake up in the night? 

* How much sleep do you think you get? About 6-7

* How many days of broken sleep can you handle? I can handle many nights of broken sleep, I can't handle broken sleep AND short nights. I can only take 2-3 days of 5-6 hrs of broken (up 2 times) sleep before I start to loose it.

Offline Melodymumof1

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
Thank you all so much for sharing your experience, it's really interesting for all of us I think. If it's okay I'd love to send a pm with a few more questions for those of you who have responded. If anyone else would like to share their experience or has any questions please feel free to post them or pm me. Thanks again for all your support. Melody

Offline Eva's Mummy

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 14
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 2332
  • Gail
  • Location: Scotland
I am happy to answer more questions so feel free to pm me x


My beautiful spirited little angel



My angel baby girl


Offline ecwinters

  • BW Aficionado
  • ***
  • Showing Appreciation 2
  • Posts: 152
  • Location:
Yes, happy to answer any more questions.

Offline Lindsay27

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 78
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 4031
  • Location: Ontario, Canada
I think an interesting angle to add in would be how expectations change how we feel about NWs - are we ok with NWs when we expect them (because baba is a newborn or whatever age) and then not ok with them when they come out of nowhere?
This is a good point.  Because right now when I'm good and sleep deprived I find coping easier because my baby is only 6 weeks old, so I expect her to be up multiple times in the night.  With my son however, when he was a year old and was still not sleeping through the night I wasn't coping well at all...because at that point all I could think was he should be sleeping through, so you are just simply frustrated.  And then you start to second guess yourself and what you are doing, and blaming yourself for their sleep issues which just causes a host of other issues that makes coping extremely difficult.



Offline beth33

  • New & Learning The Ropes
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 3
  • Posts: 39
  • Location:
* How old is your baby?
10 months (will turn 11 months in early Feb.)

* How many times does your baby wake up in the night?
0-3 times

* How much sleep do you think you get?
On a bad night I'll only get a couple of hours. On a good night I get 6-8. I spend much of the night trying to get stuff done (ex. laundry, vacuuming, cleaning, making baby food, researching my older DS's medical problems/therapies, etc.) I'm a SAHM but my DD doesn't nap well, so I don't get much time to do anything during the day. If I had to give an average amount of time I've been getting per night recently, I'd guesstimate 4 hours.

* How many days of broken sleep can you handle before you start to feel the effects during your daytime?
I'm always tired and usually don't get enough sleep, even when my DD does sleep through the night, so it's hard to say. I feel the effects of a lack of sleep pretty much every day. I don't know how many days I'd have to get extra sleep to get fully rested. Maybe a week? And that's not going to happen anytime soon :) For me at this point, I'd say that the total amount of sleep I get matters a lot more than the continuity of the sleep.

*How do you cope? Do you have any strategies for coping? And where or who are the places or people you go to for support?
I complain to... I mean talk to my mom and my DH, and that helps make me feel a little better. I'm unfortunately an emotional eater, so I do end up indulging in unhealthy food a bit more when I'm extra, extra tired. I try to find ways to enjoy the time I spend away from the kids, even if it is cleaning the bathroom. Audio books are really helpful as an escape and can be used during a lot of little household chores. Other than that, I pretty much just try and get through each day and hold on to my patience as much as possible. It helps that I enjoy playing with my kids, and they're two of the cutest, sweetest little guys ever. Not that I'm biased :)

If you want to ask me any more questions, feel free to pm me.

Offline Antie66

  • New, But Posting Steadily!
  • **
  • Showing Appreciation 1
  • Posts: 76
  • Location:
7 months next week

Wakes twice a night (11pm and 3am) for feeding

I get about 6 hrs a night (lo wakes early)

210 days and counting ...

I cope because DH takes one morning in the weekend (I have a lie in) and my mother in law helps out during the week. I sleep when he naps, if i need and can. When he woke 6 times a night ... Not too long ago ... I pretty much broke (and started on this forum). You just man up, cause there is no other choice .

Offline Amytheo

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 9
  • Location:
How old is your baby? Nearly 5 months
How many times does your baby wake? 4-6 times
How much sleep do you think you get - around 4-5 hrs in 1-1.5hr bursts
* How many days of broken sleep can you handle before you start to feel the effects during your daytime? Don't know how to answer this as it's been like this since birth so I have just had to get used to it. Baby has silent reflux which is why he finds sleep so hard, plus now we're into bad sleep habits as a result.
*How do you cope? Do you have any strategies for coping? And where or who are the places or people you go to for support? I co-sleep and breastfeed lying down. If I don't then I get even less sleep and then I really suffer and can't function. My bf supports me by having him in the mornings so I can sleep in.

Offline ~*Nicole*~

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 178
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 8077
  • Formerly: *Nicole-Ava's mom*
  • Location: New Jersey
How old is your baby?
7 months old

How many times does your baby wake?
3-5 or so times once I am asleep for the night around 10ish

How much sleep do you think you get?
Hard to say. I usually fall asleep reading to my older LOs in their bed on days I am really tired, near 9pm. Otherwise I am up until 10 or 11 trying to catch up with DH a little. I think It's probably on average 6 hours broken up every 1 to 2 hours. My older LOs often wake at night for various reasons also (sick, wet pull up or bed, nightmare) and join us in bed at some point.

* How many days of broken sleep can you handle before you start to feel the effects during your daytime?
I actually really need sleep to function. I think while nursing my hormone levels are different and I can tolerate less sleep than usual, but generally I need DH to let me sleep in on weekends and still never feel like I am catching up. I can physically keep going but I feel like my mind is in a fog. I definitely overuse caffeine to function. It's hard to say how many days because it's been so long since I've had consecutive days of good sleep.


*How do you cope? Do you have any strategies for coping? And where or who are the places or people you go to for support?
DD is in a pack in play next to our bed for convenient NFs and NWs. I drink coffee every morning and sometimes tea for an afternoon pick me up. My mother lives nearby and watches the baby when I go to work. I often ask her for extra help to get things done that I otherwise would not be able to get done.







Offline Bella89

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 15
  • Posts: 669
  • Location: Poland
* How old is your baby?
Just turned 1
* How many times does your baby wake up in the night?
2-3 times. For pacifier, teething pain- here I have to pick him up and whisper to his ear, water if running nose
* How much sleep do you think you get?
6h/night of broken sleep, sometimes 1h nap if husband is kind:)
* How many days of broken sleep can you handle before you start to feel the effects during your daytime?
2 or 3 depending on nights

Good luck!

Offline *Ali*

  • Breast Feeding & Pregnancy/Childbirth
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 373
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 22302
  • Caught in the act!
  • Location: London uk
My DD is 13mo. She is up 1-2 times a night usually. She did have periods of several weeks when she slept through but it didn't last. She just has a quick BF and then goes back in the cot awake.
I probably get 6hrs of broken sleep e.g. 11.30pm to 6 or 7am with a NW in there somewhere. (Her other NW if she has it is usually from me or my husband disturbing her as we go to bed).
I always seem to wake at night even when my kids sleep through so I guess 6yrs is how long I can last! I cope with chocolate and the odd nap once a week. Plus my DH lets me go back to bed every couple of weeks on a Sunday (we take it in turns).
Cadan Dec 2009 and Colby Aug 2011


Offline Emami

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 41
  • Posts: 2066
  • Location: UK
My daughter is 14 months. Usually up once a night, occasionally sleeps through, occasionally has a worse night.

I would say I get about 6-7hrs broken most nights now.  I can manage fine on this, although would prefer more!  However, I was really struggling a few months ago when her NWs were always long, like 2-3hrs.  Although she does still wake, it is pretty rare that it's a long one now.  But at that time I was getting more like 4-5hrs broken sleep and I didn't feel like myself. I managed for a while, but after about 2 months of it the cumulative effect caught up with me and I was irritable and angry and questioned whether I was depressed. Fortunately things have improved!
Emma






Offline lily_layne

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 65
  • Posts: 3107
  • Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
How old is your baby? DS is 14 months?
How many times does he wake? DS sleeps through 5-6 days/week and has 1 NW when he doesn't. I nurse him quickly, put him down and he drifts off.
How much sleep do you think you get? I get about 7-8 hours because I am often in bed and sleeping by 9/9:30!
How many days of broken sleep can you handle? I feel the effects right away - I need a lot of sleep. I can manage for 2-3 days but any more than that and I really struggle. I feel like I'm in a fog and become irritable and impatient.
How do you cope? When DS was smaller and waking every night, I found it helped to get out for a walk with the LOs, especially in the morning - it seemed to perk me up for the day. I also often napped when the LOs were napping and DH and I take turns sleeping in on the weekends. My main strategy is to get to bed early myself!
DD - August 2012
DS - November 2014

Offline Melodymumof1

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
Sorry for the absence, you'll all be able to relate. I've been doing night toilet training with my son, it's much earlier than I would have planned but he insisted that he was no baby. And as you can guess it's been a few weeks of waking constantly, I think last night I was up 5 times and after a few weeks it feels pretty tough and I've had a few mini meltdowns between the coffee consumption.

Some of the things that have been mentioned made me think of other questions and if anyone has time I'd love your input on these and like Weaver did, if you have any questions you want to put out there or thoughts to add please do. Your input and experiences are all unique and I think it helps us all to speak about it, I personally find it helpful and that's the intention of the research to understand our genuine experience as mothers.

The other questions I had were:

* What do you define as a 'good night'?
* How important or how big is the topic of 'Sleep' in your household?
* When you hear your baby make a sound in the night how do you respond?
* What do you feel changes in your personality if anything when you are sleep deprived?
* How do people respond to you when you are sleep deprived? And how do you respond to people? is there any difference from when you are rested?
* Do you use any sleep aids with your baby (Toys, apps, noise, machines, monitor etc..)
And the question Weaver posted - Which is a great question.
Do expectations change how we feel about NWs - are we ok with NWs when we expect them (because baba is a newborn or whatever age) and then not ok with them when they come out of nowhere?

Offline *Ali*

  • Breast Feeding & Pregnancy/Childbirth
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 373
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 22302
  • Caught in the act!
  • Location: London uk
Good night = sleeping through 10-12hrs
Sleep is important and DH and I constantly comment on how we don't get enough but I feel it is manageable and not like I need a perfect sleeping through the night every day like some people seem to. I feel my DD sleeps OK and I don't expect her to sleep through every night. I feel it really helps my mental state that I am not constantly wondering why she wakes for a feed still at night and trying to tweak her routine to stop it. I just accept that she is still young and some night wakings are to be expected. It won't last forever.
When I hear my DD make a sound at night I wait to see if she is resettling herself or getting upset. I look at her (via the monitor) to see if she is awake and up or lying down with her eyes closed. As soon as I hear an I-need-you cry or she stands up and calls/cries for me I go to her. I might initially try to just shush her but if she gets upset or motions for milk I breast feed her. Usually she will feed for 5 mins and then go back in the cot awake and go straight back to sleep.
When I don't get enough sleep I am more snappy and easily angered. I have less patience. After a particularly bad night I try to tell my older kids (4 and 6yo) that I am tired and I need them to help me out. Sometimes they oblige, sometimes not!
We use a video monitor to see and hear my DD. I can also speak to her through it. We used a blankie /lovey with my older two but DD never took to hers.
Cadan Dec 2009 and Colby Aug 2011


Offline Melodymumof1

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
Thank you Ali! Do your older children sleep well? Do you think they understand when you're tired?

Offline *Ali*

  • Breast Feeding & Pregnancy/Childbirth
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 373
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 22302
  • Caught in the act!
  • Location: London uk
Thank you Ali! Do your older children sleep well? Do you think they understand when you're tired?
Yes, my 4yo and 6yo DSs both sttn 11.5-12hrs. That can mean a 6.30am wake up if they have gone straight to sleep at 7pm and done the shorter night length though.
I don't know if they really understand what it means to be tired all day but they do accept it as a reason for me to say I don't have the energy to do certain things or to ask them to help me by playing by themselves or watching a movie for example. They are still demanding but I'm not expecting miracles!
Cadan Dec 2009 and Colby Aug 2011


Offline Katet

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 608
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 14364
  • Sydney Australia
  • Location: Sydney
I've been doing night toilet training with my son, it's much earlier than I would have planned but he insisted that he was no baby. And as you can guess it's been a few weeks of waking constantly, I think last night I was up 5 times and after a few weeks it feels pretty tough and I've had a few mini meltdowns between the coffee consumption.

OK maybe not quite on your questionnaire, but the Human Biology side of me (Biochemistry/Immunology degree) says that night time dryness is about Biochemical processes & not about education, so in my mind it is interesting that you equate that as a "normal" reason to be waking & up at night & so it kind of plays into what to an individual sees is a natural developmental progression in terms of what we see as acceptable to be woken for. You see the night waking as part of your child learning a skill, I on the other hand see the waking at night for toileting to be disrupting 2 people's natural sleep patterns. Which kind of ties into a lot of it is what we accept as necessary waking at night & cope because we believe we *need* to, so for a newborn it is ok, but a 9mo some will accept, others will mentally be "It shouldn't go this long" & so struggle more mentally as well as physically. 
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05

Offline *Ali*

  • Breast Feeding & Pregnancy/Childbirth
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 373
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 22302
  • Caught in the act!
  • Location: London uk
Oh and I think my DD's ears must have been burning as she has slept through at least 10.5hrs, often 11hrs plus, every day this week!
Cadan Dec 2009 and Colby Aug 2011


Offline Melodymumof1

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
Thanks Ali, thats a really interesting way of looking at it. Just like our babies we are all unique and our experience and what we expect or can cope with is also individual. I wonder if there is a point of critical mass where 'most' people would say...okay...this is too much? Or even if that is down to personal character and expectation?

I had another question for anyone who might like to join this conversation? Have you ever used any sleep aids/Sleep toys or sleep apps with your baby as part of their nighttime routine or ritual? I personally tried out various things, but it would be really interesting to know if other people used or use anything to assist with sleep?

Offline *Ali*

  • Breast Feeding & Pregnancy/Childbirth
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 373
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 22302
  • Caught in the act!
  • Location: London uk
We used white noise with DS2 and it worked well. I left it on for naps and stopped it after an hour after BT. I stopped it when he moved into DS1's room at 15mo.

There are definitely times I see posts on here where people are desperate for better sleep and I find myself thinking things really aren't that bad. Sometimes their baby is sleeping better than my own! I think it also helps to understand what is normal and temporary and the reasons why babies are waking at night. If I couldn't understand why my baby was waking (EBF, sick, teething, habit) and I didn't know when it would end or what I could do about it then I think I would feel more out of control and desperate. Sometimes, especially with EBF babies waking at night, I find all mum really needs to hear is that it is normal and temporary and  not that they are doing anything wrong.
Cadan Dec 2009 and Colby Aug 2011


Offline trimbler

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 37
  • Posts: 3029
  • Location: London, UK
Hey there, sorry been absent for a while...

Not sure whether you meant a good night for our LOs or for ourselves? My criteria changes for DD depending on where she is with nap transitions, how her naps were that day, whether she's teething (in which case I'd accept a few short NWs as inevitable and if the night was long enough overall I'd feel it's ok under the circumstances), and probably other things too! At the moment I'm happy if she gets 12h although if she had a poor nap or was especially tired I'd hope for a bit more, as I know she's on the HSN end of things. At other times though, especially I remember with DS at nap transitions, I'd be happy with 10.5h nights. If you meant our own nights - well, I guess an uninterrupted stretch of 7h would be lovely, more would be even better, I do get this occasionally when sleeping in the living room (because I need to get up in the morning earlier than she does and she sleeps in our bedroom), but more often DH is up late working in there too (no other rooms available!) so a 'good' night's sleep is a fantasy for me :P Of course, even if everything else goes 'well', there's no guarantee I'd sleep well anyway ::)

Sleep is important to me as I really struggle without enough and I see the struggles my LOs have when they don't get enough. I believe 'enough' is an individual thing though. I'm prone to depression and sleep deprivation is definitely a trigger, so I did have a period of a few weeks a while back when DD's night sleep was awful, of sleeping in the living room every night, to try and get myself back onto a more even keel. I don't like myself much when sleep deprived :P Outside the home I try really hard but can struggle to keep my eyes open at work, sometimes even after drinking too much coffee. I also struggle to find words and form sentences more than when I'm well rested, or lose track of what I'm saying (or thinking!) half way through. So I sometimes get blank looks from people :P but generally I think they understand ;) Definitely less efficient at work though, take longer to make decisions and problem solve, that sort of thing. And sometimes I feel a bit off guard, I don't really drink but suspect that it would be a bit like getting tipsy, like saying things I might feel silly about saying at other times, if that makes sense? A bit delirious, maybe? At home, however, it's another matter :-[ Snappy with the kids, snappy with DH, far less patience and prone to bursting into tears. Not pretty :P

Sleep aids - white noise, still use this as DD is still in our room, it really helps to block out our sleeping noises so we don't wake each other up more than necessary. If DD does wake us, we wait to see whether it's just an isolated cry or if she's actually properly awake. Usually if she is awake, then I'm immediately wide awake and struggle to get back to sleep afterwards even if she doesn't ::) DH is amazing though and will get back to sleep immediately, so if she's upset then he usually goes to DD to apply teething gel or find bunny, generally one of the two at the moment will suffice. If she's just babbling a bit or wriggling around trying to resettle herself, we'll leave her to it. We also use black out so the room is pitch black. We swaddled until around 6mo and after that use sleeping bags.

Definitely agree with Ali that when I don't understand why she's waking at night, or waking early in the morning, or perhaps know why but have no idea how to fix it, then I struggle much more. If I know what to do, or know that the cold or whatever will pass, it's easier. It's also easier if I have a plan, even if I don't know whether it will work! Teething is a bit different though, because DD is a late, sloooowww teether! It just seems to go on forever, swollen gums, constant fingers in mouth, crying out in sleep or waking with the pain :( Tbh her nights aren't that bad with teething, as I don't think she actually wakes half the time when she cries out in her sleep, but I certainly do, and struggle to get back off again ::) Early waking is also hard for me to deal with, I'm not good at going to bed early (guess I'm often on here too late as that's the time I can do it), and if I know she hasn't had enough sleep then I'm frustrated for her as I know she'll struggle that day.

Sorry, you've just had a sleep deprived ramble from me there ;)



Offline lily_layne

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 65
  • Posts: 3107
  • Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
I used white noise with DD (an app on the iPod) and both of my LOs have blankets for loveys. DD used the white noise until she was 2. It really helped her get to sleep when she was a colicky newborn. We used it for naps and nights.
DD - August 2012
DS - November 2014

Offline Gully

  • New & Learning The Ropes
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 2
  • Posts: 25
  • Location:
Hi

My lo is 5 months.
I feed her at 11pm so head to bed about 12. Usually wake up 2/3 times a night (before 7 am). Husband then gets up with her and I get another 90 mins. All in all I get about 6 hours. I definitely think 4 hours straight is better than 7 broken. I feel the effects after one night, but can cope until night 4. Then I just have to get extra sleep or I get very teary and anxious about silly things. I have never coped well with sleep deprivation so this has been a real eye-opener! I read on a blog though that you should just stop counting the hours of sleep you got/missed and try to focus on other things because this will not change for awhile. I have to say that has really helped me change my mind set. I used to be really focused on my sleep, and consequently would be stressing about it. Now I just try to get through the day. I'm still really really tired, but just trying not to focus on it!

Offline creations

  • Feeding Solid Food & EASY
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 496
  • Posts: 21993
  • Location: UK
Giving this thread a bump in case there is anyone who would like to add their experience but hasn't seen it yet. x


Offline Mariesusu

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 1
  • Posts: 14
  • Location:
Hi, I could help you since I'm currently in the peak of feeling the effects of sleep deprivation.
My LO is 5 months old and wakes up every hour, sometimes more.
I think I might gather 4-5 hours of broken sleep. I definitely feel the effects during the daytime, especially since it's been 5 months now. I feel like a bugged-eye zombie, have way less patience and motivation to do the things I'm used to doing (housework, walks outside, cooking...) Hopefully things will pass and she'll start sleeping through like my DS at 6 months but only time will tell!

Good luck on your research

Offline creations

  • Feeding Solid Food & EASY
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 496
  • Posts: 21993
  • Location: UK
For those of you who took part, or anyone who is interested to read more about this research, Melody has posted a thank you with a link to her thesis here:
Research Project: A Mum's perspective on sleep deprivation