Help with gw please

[First mum]

Hi All,  Just after a bit of advice/support with the gw technique.

My little one is 20 months and has not self settled for sleep since starting daycare 8 months ago.  Prior to this she self settled for all naps.  We had loads of illness on starting daycare so the regression started there and unfortunately they were not following the same process as we were and my lo needed more and more help to get to sleep.  Up until 3 days ago she was fed to sleep at night time (not an issue, just getting ready to wean) she is doing well with the change.  Unfortunately I have replaced the prop of the boob for my finger.  The amount of time it is taking her to settle is reducing, with only 10 minutes tonight but I'm not sure where to from here.

Her main nap of the day is at 12:30 and she holds my finger here too for max 10 minutes, but is generally pretty sleepy once I have finished singing and placed her in the cot.

Whenever I try and remove my finger she immediately starts performing and crying and saying cuddle mummy cuddle.  This stops and she lays her head back down as soon as she has my finger.  I am sitting on a stool beside her cot.

I read the info on gw but am unsure of the next (tiny) step I need to take.  I've tried talking to her out of context about sleeping and reasoning with her when she is in the cot.  It's only new at bedtime as I mentioned above but it is progress at nap time.  After I took her out of daycare I was having to pat and stroke, then I reduced to my hand resting on her lower back and then bum.  The next thing I tried was my hand resting beside her and that is when she grabbed my finger.

I'm doing the same process for both bedtime and nap.  Cuddle and humming for a few minutes, then I stand and cuddle and sing her our song then kiss and into bed.

Any help would be appreciated.

TIA

[Haribo2012]

Hi there, does she sleep through at night once asleep? Does she have a lovey to cuddle?

I'd try next removing the finger but sitting next to cot but just using your voice to reassure...so every time she gets upset or wants finger just say, sleepy time now lay down etc and keep repeating. After a few nights move further away and keep inching towards the door.
It could just be a bit of SA rearing its head x

[First mum]

Thanks Haribo, yes she sttn. We now only have nw when something is going on or she is unwell.  She does have a lovey which I will try and pay more attention to.

Would you suggest the same approach for her day nap?

[Haribo2012]

That's good it's not affecting night sleep 

What's her day look like routine wise?

[First mum]

wu is pretty consistent at 5am and we resettle till at least 6.  We are hoping a gro clock will help with this starting this weekend.

Nap at 12:30 till 2-2:30 into bed at 7 asleep by 7:30

[Haribo2012]

Might be worth pushing the nap a little see if it helps with EW and settling quicker at nap time, we pushed to get to 1pm by 2 yrs old.

[First mum]

Thanks Haribo, she settles for her sleep in less than 10 minutes but more like 5, she really is ready for the nap.

I thought I'd try the next step in the gw today at her lunch nap and it was simply awful!! After her 2 days at daycare she is usually pretty tired so I thought I be safe to try and put her down early.  We did the normal wind down but she asked to lie down mid song.  I popped her in the cot and sat beside on the stool and finished the song, leaned in and gave her a kiss and lifted the side.  I sat down and she immediately started to fuss asking for a cuddle (this is her asking to be touched).  So I started "shush baby, sleepy time".  She was tired as she was fussing while still lying down.  This went on for a few minutes but just got worse from there, initially her cry started to amp up but then changed to an attention cry so I just said the same thing.  She was up on her knees and giving a good cry now so I changed to "shush baby, lie down, sleepy time" she did listen but was getting pretty wound up, started to hiccup with the crying and twisting her body (tired sign) eyes rolling but she is too upset now, I'm raising my voice a bit but she can't really hear me.

15 minutes and I pick her up as she is too upset.  I wipe her face and give her a cuddle.  She is having trouble talking but I manage to figure out she is asking me to sing.  So I tell her I'm going to pop her back into bed and she can cuddle Niki (cudley) and mummy will sing.  So I sang like 5 verses of her song with intermittent humming and the occasional "shush you cant hear me if your crying".  I'm not touching her at all, but my face is right beside the cot.

Eyes rolling everywhere and she finally managed to nod off, but is making that horrible gasping sound in her sleep she was so upset.  Not sure if I will get my usual 90 minutes today.

Now I can't stop crying and I feel absolutely awful.  I didn't expect her to get so upset so quickly.  If I had of stroked her head or rubbed her back she would have been asleep in seconds.  I know its important to be consistent but she was just too upset and needed a cuddle.  How do I do this again let alone at bedtime?

[First mum]

Bedtime was the same  became hysterical after about 10 minutes and was a lot harder to calm down.  Such a change from no tears at nap and bedtime to this.  I know its important for her to self settle again but this is really not pleasant.  I also have achieved anything as had to revert back to old habits to calm her down and get her to sleep.

Not sure if something else is going on??  You mentioned SA above and it got me thinking.  She has been really clingy for about 2 weeks and today was no exception.  Always asking for cuddles, but as she uses this word so much sometimes it means "up" "help" "I wanna see" or she is upset or not sure of something.  I do my best to reassure and when I have picked her up she doesn't want a cuddle.

I thought now was the right time to tackle this, we are illness free, she has all her teeth and she is sleeping well for her day nap and between 10.5-11 at night.  We have also put the Gro Clock in her room tonight in the hope of stopping the 5am blip.

I really don't know what to do??

[Haribo2012]

Oh bless u honey it's so hard when they get upset, there is nothing wrong with a quick cuddle and back into bed before she gets hysterical. It's really up to u with regards to carrying on, if she settles in a few mins holding your hand and sleeps through then that's not really too much of a big deal, if she was waking every couple of hours then I would say she had become more dependant on you being with her for sleep.

You will know the difference between her being really upset to trying it on, if it's trying it on then stick to it but if you feel she really needs your help you can always try again in a few days/week x

[First mum]

Thanks Haribo, I did think it started well, she really wound up but then it totally changed to a real attention cry and more noise so in my head I was thinking this is good.  But then it just got worse and worse.  I probably should have intervened earlier than I did.

She has woken every 30 minutes since I put her down tonight and really upset but not communicating with me, she refused dinner and got really upset with hubby after her bath so am guessing there is something more going on.  We gave pamol at the last blip so hopefully she will get some restorative sleep now.  We also had the Gro Clock on in there and the light was quite bright so not sure if that was contributing.

I'll see how she goes over the next day or so and will update you with how we go.

[Haribo2012]

You can turn the clock face to dim blue light or totally off, not sure if you knew that!?

Sounds like she might be coming down with something bless her x

[First mum]

Thanks, I hadn't read the instructions correctly and thought 1 was the lowest setting.  Have changed to zero this morning.

After turning it off she slept through until 4 and resettled till 7.  We have woken this morning with the start of a summer cold    Its always the way isn't it???  Will there ever be a right time to tackle this??

[Haribo2012]

My DS likes the clock blue light on but once he's asleep I turn it away from his face....

Oh bless maybe it was the gold coming on making her clingy, maybe try in a week or so gently and see how it goes. Do you play hide and seek much or pretend sleeping games in her room? We did that a lot also I'd nip out the room and then come back after a few seconds. x

[First mum]

Hi Haribo, the cold turned into an ear infection so we have almost finished a course of antibiotics.  I'm still staying with her until she falls asleep.  Her lunch nap is about the same taking 1-2 minutes and the bedtime is pretty consistent too at 30 mins.  Some interesting behaviour at bedtime and I am really trying to stay quiet and not intervene but its hard 

We are also getting some pretty fierce hair pulling which she would only do when feeding but has started doing it a bit during the day and def more when settling at night.  I am putting it down to tiredness but will keep an eye on it. 

We do play quite a bit in her room with her and her dollies having a sleep in the cot and I pop out and do a quick job and then come back.  She is still needing a bit more reassurance and cuddles during the day so will wait until after her daycare days next week and start to try and reduce my interaction after that.

[Haribo2012]

Oh poor thing ear infections suck, glad she's on the mend. My DS had a phase of headbutting the floor when he was tired, thankfully grew out of it.

I think your plan sounds good, she might respond better to gradual withdrawal now not feeling rubbish x