12 weeks old baby: very good sleeper at night but terrible at napping..

[iCEcOOlit]

Hi everyone! I hope you get my bad english since it not my first language
I have a 12 weeks old baby that is on EASY since 6 weeks (3 hrs EASY). She is my second and we already used successfully Tracy's book with the first one (a very life saver!)
My new baby is a very good sleeper at night (dreamfeed at 22.30/23, wakes up at 3/4.30 for breast and then wakes up at 8/8.30) but naps... it's a different story!
She always had difficulties in falling asleep taking up to 2 hrs to calm her in the evening and then we realized she was overtired (we were waiting for her to yawn...but apparently that was already too late)
So she wakes up at 8, eats and with little activity I'll put her to sleep at most by 9. It takes now very little to soothe her: We swaddle her with a swaddling blanket, and use a paci. When she's calm (she always try to fight sleep a little as soon as we set her down in her baby-hammock)we leave and she falls asleep by herself.
20 min tops...she's awakes, looking for her paci and with one or both arms free (we call her Little Houdini for this ) and cries. I wait to see if she can soothe herself and nothing so I get in her room and try to calm her back...and leave as she looks calmer...She will sleep for 5-10 min then spit the paci out and start crying again. I have to get in her room every 5 min. I can see she wants to sleep but she can't. In the end I stay with her with a hand on her tummy keeping the paci in her mouth with a finger and to calm her down. I can feel she is sleeping and than startle, sometime... or simply she starts wine and then loose the paci and..here we go again...
Some time we can get her to really sleep after 40min/1hr but then she has to sleep 20 min before I wake her up for her feed.
She does the same in the evening for her night routine at 8PM: and we get her to finally falling asleep at 22... 30 min before her dreamfeed.
Please help! we don't know what to do and I'm loosing my mind spending all my Y time to put her back to sleep

ps: she sleeps awesomely in the car seat or her stroller.

[lauradj]

Hi there and welcome to BW!  Naps are so darn tricky, but I'm glad to hear your nights are going well because it makes things so much easier to bear.  If you could post your EASY that would be great, it's easier for us to see where some tweaking might be required.
In the meantime, does she have to have the paci in order to fall asleep?  It sounds like that is causing more problems than solutions.   

[iCEcOOlit]

Hi Laura (I'm Laura too btw )! Thank you for you help!

Here is the routine:

E 8
A 8.30
S 9 (usually sleeps till 10 then starts "the paci dance")

E 11
A 11.30
S 12 (sleeps till 12.20/30 then need multiple enter in the room to put the paci back and calm her down)

E 14
A 14.30
S 15 (she usually sleeps in the stroller since I have to go get her sister from kindergarten: sleeps pretty good until I stop to get my daughter. Then she's wide awake until I reach home at around 16. Then she sleeps in the stroller for 30-50 min more if I'm lucky)

E 17
A 17.30
S 18 (same 20 min nap then restless)

E 20
S 20.30 (20 min nap..then restless..then finally sleeping at around 21.30/22)

DF 23

E 4

Unfortunately yes: she needs the paci. She is trying with her hands but she not able yet...and that es her off even more So..paci will be until she can suck her finger (her sister was the same but was a much better sleeper: once she was asleep she just spit the paci out for good. This one does it too... but she has a much lighter sleep and actually wakes up at every sleepcycle: I think that's the problem)

[lauradj]

Ok, I think the first thing you could try is to extend her A time a bit.  Most babies her age are awake for 1hr 20-30mins.  If you extend that A time, she will likely have an easier time staying asleep as she transitions from one sleep cycle into the next. 

P.S. Laura is a FABULOUS name 

[iCEcOOlit]

I will try: thx!

[iCEcOOlit]

so..it is definitely NOT going well, but I'm sorting out things that work and don't.
I realized that I was counting A time from the E time: but she was awak well before that: so she was overtired.
Sorted that out she cannot sleep for more than 40 min...except when she is in her winter overall.
She slept wonderfully for 2 hrs in her stroller in the garage with her overall. Then going to get my other daughter she didn't sleep at all and then..HELL UNLEASHED in the evening (because of course she was tired. She was so tired she slept from 20 to 5 with a DF at 23   So at least we got that).
Today I'm trying to understand what is that makes her feel comfortable...and I have the feeling that is the position she gets when wearing the overall: not the darkens nor the stroller/car seat.
I'll keep you updated now I have a sleepy baby to wake up!

[lauradj]

Oh yes, definitely eyes open to eyes shut! I actually think that's one of most common points of confusion here on the boards.  I'm glad you're finding some solutions.  Do you think raising the head of the mattress might help your baby?  Is that what you meant by the position?

[iCEcOOlit]

No, the head is slightly up in all 3 places... I think it's her hands position. This morning I tried leaving her hands free but still putting her in her stroller in the dark garage. She fell asleep by herself beautifully... but woke up after 30 min
Now I put her back with the overall because she need to sleep... but this time again: awake after 30 min. And so began the "dance". Back and forth to calm her down..she slept 10-15 here and there..and I'm back to square one

[lauradj]

Argh!  I had this perfectly worded response and then the server pooped out and I lost it all!  How annoying.
Ok, this will be the succinct version.  I think you should try wake to sleep to see if you can interrupt the sleep cycle just enough that she doesn't wake up at the 30 min mark.  I'll attach a link below.
Does she always wake at the 30 min mark?  If she always wakes around the 10 min mark it may be the the jolts are waking her.  Annoying but fairly easy to fix.
If her wake ups are all over the place, Shh-Pat might be more effective.  However, you have to be consistent whatever method you choose.  If you choose to do Shh-Pat, you HAVE to stick with it.  You can't give in after 10-15 minutes because then she'll just be wondering how long she has to cry before you pick her up.  She will cry because you're asking her to change but you will be there the whole time, supporting her.
I've included both links below.  Have a read through to refresh your memory and then make the best choice for you and your baby.

Shush-pat - How to
How do I address habitual wakings? (wake-to-sleep and other methods)

Something else to consider.  Another Mom mentioned her daughter could not yet find the paci on her own, nor find her own thumb but she NEEDED the paci.  Mom took a little sock, sewed the paci to it and popped the sock on her baby's hand.  Voila!  It worked like a dream.  I've never tried it but it's a thought.

[iCEcOOlit]

the sock with the paci is GENIUS!!! I will give it a try..
The problem is..that there is no pattern. Sometime she falls asleep by herself beautifully and 30/40 min she is awake.. some time, like right now, she fought sleep from the moment I put her down in her crib (she was calm when she was on my shoulder). I put her down and she started to paddle with her feet but not crying( it's a new feature...she loves doing it..)..after a while..she is screaming and push with her feet like she was uncomfortable. I tried to calm her down (Sh/pat doesn't work with her..usually I gently rub her forehead and she relaxes..or at least, she used to )
Even if, when the crying gets very loud, I pick her up..she doesn't stop (to stop..she had to be in ad upright position..looking over my shoulder).
When calm,I put her back in her crib. Started squirming but finally gave up... but she was still fighting sleep: so she rest for few seconds..then complain again,I  rubbed her forehead, she calmed down and looks like sleeping...and so on for few times.
She finally was asleep. I had the time to had a quick chat with my dad on FaceBook..and when I looked in the camera she was moving and having jolts (like u said)..then..she was awake: really awake. Calm in her crib...looking at the camera (which is pretty creepy )  Trying to eat her hands (the paci was long gone) After 15 min..she started crying and there was no way to put her back.
I nursed her (1 hr in advance..but I'm having the suspect that she is not eating enough lately..specially when she sleep so bad).
After that I changed her diaper, but her in her babyseat for a while and then she started complaining: I knew it was time to try again.
I swaddled her (she complained) held her for a while until she was calm, put her down and she started paddling straight away. Since I can't make the room super dark (unfortunately) I put my hand in front of her eyes and rubbed her forehead. This time it worked... and finally she is sleeping
It was the same yesterday: one nap is usually very bad the other is better.
Let's see now how long is this going to be...

It doesn't look like to be a paci issue though...she starts crying with the paci in her mouth...and then she loose it. I have to find what it is.
All the sign are of over-tiredness to me: but it's very hard to understand when she is getting tired because usually she smiles and coos a lot!

Today's goal is to re-establish a good soothing routine that was lost in despair

[iCEcOOlit]

AAANDDD 30 min and she was crying. She was crying while sleeping, but after a while she woke herself up..it took me 30 min and 2 pick Up to calm her down I know PU/PD shouldn't be used this early: but when she is screaming like hell..it's the only way to calm her down..and it takes actually few minutes holding her.
Now it's already 30 min that she was sleeping... I hope I can make it to eat something :/

[iCEcOOlit]

in the end..I didn't make it to the coffee... She probably slept 40 top. There was no way to put her back to sleep. At 13 I fed her then prepared to walk part of the way to the kindergarten. She finally fell asleep at 14.15... She was awake again at 15 (peacefully and smiling to her sister). At 15.15 she was sleeping again..and slept another 20 min.
She ate and I tried to put her to sleep at 16. Cried until 17.30 and I fed her again (I'm trying to increase my milk supply and see if that's maybe the reason). At 18 my husband helped me and she was sleeping.
We barely had the time to eat... 20 min and she was crying again.
My husband tried to make her sleep and finally picked her up for her meal at 19.30.

I don't know anymore what to do..I don't understand if she is in distress... to me she just looks overtired from the beginning

[lauradj]

Ok, could she be in discomfort?  I don't think it's reflux because she sleeps so well at night but I'm trying to weed out the possibilities.  To be fair, I fully modified the Shh-Pat with both my boys because they needed something else.  I would hold them upright against my shoulder and just do the steady pat rhythm and Shhhhh beside their ear.  It does need to be quite a loud Shhhh, louder than their cries.  Also, I would start with quite a brisk pat to break the crying cycle and then slow it down to a very calming pat.  If you understand temp at all, I'd start at about 100bpm and then drop to about 60 once I had their attention, then I brought it down to about 40 or even 20 bpm.  Might that work for her?  I'm also going to check in with the other mods.

[iCEcOOlit]

So..I think I got something here. It was a series of events that led to this situation.
1) I wasn't counting A time from Eye open to close but from feeding time.
2) so the first nap was ok but then they got worst and worst because she was overtired.
3)this led to a lot of stress for me resulting in diminished milk supply
4) then she woke up because she was hungry.
5) she usually wakes up every 45 min (sleep cycle) and can't put herself back to sleep because, despite swaddling blanket, she manage to free her hands and keep herself awake trying to do just the opposite: that's why she sleeps well in her winter suit: she can't move in that.

Now I'm finally fixing this:
1) I made her eat every 2 hr to get my milk back (unfortunately she really doesn't like formula)
2)I put her to sleep ASAP 1 hr after her meal: I'm pretty sure she is wide awake much earlier than when she start calling me.
3) when she wake up after 45 min I have to stay with her and keep her hands still with my hand in order to make her sleep some more (but it doesn't work every time I just hope this gets better as soon as she can control her body better.

In this way I can make her nap between 45min to 1h: to nap more than that she needs her winter suit and her arms locked :S

[lauradj]

Hey whatever works!!  Do not discredit inventive parenting, it's helping your baby sleep with some independence.  Nicely done!!