11mo suddenly hates her cot - please help!

[Elisanah]

Hi, I would really appreciate any help with our lo. Sleep hasn't been wonderful since a teething bout before Christmas but it had been getting better - until this last week!

This last week she has really resisted going to sleep in her cot, sometimes at nap time but especially at night. The last three nights she's only fallen asleep by holding my hand. Since sleep training in October she was doing really well with going back down in the cot after waking at night (I still feed her to sleep during the night) but now she has started to wake as soon as I put her down and takes ages to settle. I ended up bringing her into our bed this morning after trying for over an hour to get her back to sleep in her cot. I'm so worried we're heading back to where we were 4-5 months ago (i.e. no sleep!)...and I really don't want to get into the habit of her sleeping with us again.

Any ideas what could be going on? I was wondering whether she could be feeling even more separation anxiety? I'm doing all the recommended things for that (peekaboo, talking from another room, cuddles, leaving and coming back etc). We haven't introduced a comfort toy yet but wondered whether this might help given how she likes to hold our hands? Is there still a risk of using a comfort toy at 11 months? She's not the most mobile 11mo - just rolls onto her side and rotates round!

I think teething is part of it as well but it has been a factor in her sleep for months! Sometimes I struggle to know whether she's jamming her hands in her mouth because of her teeth or as an attempt to comfort herself. We use calpol if we think it's teeth but the last couple of nights she's sometimes resisted it (which is very unusual).

We had been wanting to wean at night but I'm reluctant to if she's experiencing anxiety...however I do wonder whether it's exacerbating the issue. The reason we did sleep training in the first place was that she was waking more and more frequently at night to feed but was no longer settling easily through feeding...her sleep at night improved so quickly that I felt that she had been just waiting to be shown how to go to sleep by herself! maybe this is the same?

Or could it be because she's UT or OT? I feel like we've finally found a good daytime routine so will be gutted if she needs it changed! A typical day's sleep looks like this:

6-7am - wake up
9-10am - CN of 20-30 minutes
1.30-2.30 - Nap of approx. 1-1.5 hours
6-7pm - sleep

The varied times are because I base her naps on A time rather than set times. I'm wondering whether I should just try 1 nap and see how that affects bedtime?

I just don't know what to do! I'm not prepared to leave her to cry, should I go back to the start with gradual retreat?

[trimbler]

Hi there, so sorry you haven't had a reply yet. Can I just check your daytime routine, using A times? Is it this?

A 3h
S 20-30mins
A 4h (regardless of nap length?)
S 1-1.5h
A 3h
S approx 12h

And that was working until last week?

It may well be teething, I often find they don't like fingers/medicine syringes going in their mouths when  teething, probably still worth a try to get the medicine in anyway, she'll be more comfortable in the long run

It may well be SA too, 11mo is a typical age for this have you read this? Toddlers: Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

However, it may well be that she just needs more comfort from you at the  moment, especially if she's teething, so don't worry about giving her the comfort she needs I know it's horrible not getting enough sleep, do you have someone who you can share the night time comforting with? If it is teething, it'll pass, and any habits you may have created can be weaned once she's comfortable again. LOs differ in what they need during teething episodes. Ours will actually push us away if we try and interfere too much, but it seems that yours may need some physical contact for reassurance at the moment.

Has she attached herself to a particular thing that you could give her as a comforter/lovey? No, there shouldn't be a problem with having one in the cot now, especially if she's able to roll and rotate around.

I agree it's probably worth trying to wean the night feeds, how often does she feed at night? How's her daytime milk and solids intake?

[Elisanah]

Hi, thanks for your help!

Yes, that is basically the routine we've had although she's refused her morning nap both today and yesterday so I'm a little back to the drawing board on that one. It had been working until then although I have been having to shorten her morning nap due to difficulties then getting her to take her second (more substantial) nap - so she's only been on 20-30 mins in the morning since January. I do wonder whether she's heading to just one nap - is 11 months too early for that though? Especially as that has meant she's only had a max of 1.5 hours sleep in the daytime the last two days? Saying that though she went down better tonight.

Thanks for the info re: teething and SA - I have read that and we had used gradual withdrawal a few months ago, I think I'm going to have to start that again.

She hasn't attached herself to anything in particular but she loves cuddling her soft toys so I think she would take to using one as a lovey pretty well! That's reassuring to know it's okay - I've always been so nervous about putting anything in the cot.

She will usually wake twice although when she is unsettled it can be up to 4 times. I feed each time she wakes but the last few nights she hasn't settled well and last night at 2am she was wide awake while feeding and it took nearly two hours to get her asleep in the cot

I breastfeed three times in the day and she is on 3 solid meals. The hv said I should drop her afternoon feed and put her on 3 meals + 2 snacks. I'm reluctant to drop the milk feed for the time being though until I sort the nights out as I'm worried about blocked ducts if I stop too much too quickly. Do you think it's okay to wean her off feeding at night even if she's teething or in the middle of SA?

Thanks

[trimbler]

Ok thanks that's helpful I'd say it does sound like she's heading towards one nap, I've heard it said that the average age for that is 15-18mo but there are certainly LOs who do best dropping down to one nap before the age of 1, it's quite possible that yours is one of them. Do note down how her routine goes and how BT/nights are when she refuses the morning nap, you may well find that some days she takes it and others she doesn't - personally I'd keep offering it but definitely no longer than 20mins, you may even need to cut it back to 10mins as that could help her settle better in the afternoon. If you keep offering the morning nap you'll get a feel for whether she really won't take it any more, or whether this is just a temporary blip. Also, you'll have a bit more time to work out the best one nap routine for her , before she gets to one nap every day. When she refused the morning nap, what A time did she have before her one nap? Have a read of this: From 2 to 1 nap transition (10-12m and older)

No harm in letting her have a soft toy in the cot - my DD loves hers too

Personally I wouldn't cut out the mid afternoon bf, but I'd be inclined to add a morning snack, assuming you do something like a WU bf; breakfast; lunch; pm bf; dinner; BT bf? I do think you'll need to work on weaning the night feeds but it may be better to wait until daytime feeds have improved, once she's more comfortable. However if you feel that she's no longer suffering with teething but still not feeding well during the day, she could be reverse cycling. Either way, once she's comfortable enough, you'll need to start resettling her in other ways, so perhaps the first nw you'd use gradual withdrawal, the next one you could feed to see how hungry she is without having fed the previous BW, but rouse her before putting her back down again, etc...

[Elisanah]

Hi, thanks that's all really helpful! I'll definitely keep offering the morning nap - generally it's when she wakes closer to 7 that she refuses it although sleep is all over the place at the moment from teething. Once she's through this lot of teething I'll keep an eye on a pattern between bedtime and naps. Nights have become even worse at the moment but I'm sure that's down to teething so hopefully I can look at weaning once she's settled again. She is loving having her cuddly toy though! I'm sure that's the reason she's been happy on some occasions for me to leave the room while she's still awake + put herself back to sleep a few times as well (it's also very sweet to watch her cuddling it!). Nights like last night though make me dread weaning as she took over 2 hours to go to sleep (plus 2 hours crying again in the night) and bf was the only way to calm her...I guess I'm just going to have to bite the bullet at some point though.

I think, like you suggest, I'll keep the afternoon bf for now. Just out of interest, how old was your lo when you dropped it? The HVs seem really keen for me to drop this feed - they first suggested it when I think she was 9mo which seemed far too young imo. I'm personally not in any rush to drop it - we tend to bf if we're home (most days) or a snack if we're out and about. I've started adding in a morning snack because  you were right about our current routine!

Can I just ask what reverse cycling is? I've never heard that term before 

Thanks again! I might be back with more Q's once these teeth are through!

[trimbler]

Aw it is sweet isn't it My DD also loves her bunnies Poor thing though, teething is horrible, isn't it You do what you know in your heart to be best to help her through it, and once you feel you 're both ready, we can think about night weaning - and I may give a shout to some bf mods to help with that Reverse cycling is when LOs take most of their milk during the night, instead of during the day - this could be the case if she's taking full feeds at night and then isn't wanting to during the day.

As for daytime bfs, DS started really losing interest in his around 9mo I think, but once I stopped offering the mid afternoon one, he started taking the mid morning one better, I think he just realised he wasn't getting it so often and wanted to make the most of it! I dropped the afternoon one first for practical reasons really, it just gave us more afternoon to go out and do things, I think there were a few things for which we had to leave immediately after his nap, so it was easier not having that bf. I probably stopped offering the mid morning bf sooner than he'd have liked, just because he was at the CM and I was struggling to pump, so that would have been around 13mo. With DD on the other hand, I phased out the mid pm bf when she started at the CM at 13mo, as I couldn't pump enough for two daytime feeds, and recently phased out the mid am bf when she finally dropped her morning nap around 18.5mo, so now we're down to two - first thing in the morning and at BT. But that's just what's happened here, you'll probably find there's quite a range, but I think 3-4 bfs is quite normal/to be encouraged until the first birthday, at least.

[Elisanah]

Thanks for sharing that, I'll definitely keep going for now with that afternoon feed, I wonder why the HV seem so against it? It's interesting, we've moved areas since having my lo and seem to have gone from a very very pro-breastfeeding place to somewhere they assume you're bottlefeeding! Maybe that had something to do it.

The teeth aren't through but teething seems to have settled down for now. It's her birthday in the next few days so if her teeth are still settled then I think I'm going to tackle night weaning next week  my parents are babysitting in a month and I would love it if me and the Mr could actually stay away for the night...that seems like an impossibility at the moment!

[trimbler]

That's interesting, I guess different regions will have different traditions/practices and if it seems that everyone's bottle feeding, I guess the HVs there feel that that's normal.

It's frustrating when teething settles down but no teeth have cut through, isn't it! Well, that's how I feel, having a really slow teether right now...

Tbh I've no experience night weaning a LO that age, but I know others around here have. Might be worth starting a new thread, since we put 1yo LOs in Toddler Sleep, but it might be more appropriate to post in breastfeeding - I'll find out which is better for you and let you know, and I'll have someone primed to look out for you when the time comes

[trimbler]

Well I'll just leave it to you to decide where you feel it's more appropriate to post re night weaning - Toddler Sleep or Breastfeeding - if the mods there decide it's better placed somewhere else they'll move it, but really it could fit on either of those boards. And I've primed others to look out for you

[Elisanah]

Sorry, I'm not very good at replying promptly but thank you for your support - it is very appreciated! I'll see how things go and post in one of those boards if/when questions arise 

Thanks again!

[trimbler]

You're welcome Hope you have (had) a lovely time celebrating your DD's first birthday - a big milestone for you all