Author Topic: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn  (Read 4997 times)

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Offline *Jo*

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2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« on: January 18, 2016, 06:29:48 am »
I'm desperate. So desperate I've resorted to a slight sedative this past week for Asher who is 2.5 now. I've never been able to fully sleep train him because he's had severe asthma (hospitalised 10 times in his first year) so any time he's gotten slightly upset it has triggered his asthma so I've never been able to do more than patting with a dummy and white noise. He's always woke multiple times a night with coughing for his asthma. The past year his asthma has improved and we had 6 solid weeks of sleeping through at one point. How asthma cleared up majorly and he started sleeping through.

Then a few things happened and he developed some fears and began waking hysterically up to 10 times a night. We sorted through all this m, however now he seems to have developed a habit of waking. He's mostly dropped his nap though it makes no difference to his sleep except he sleeps shorter nights if he does have a nap.

So now we have fighting to go to sleep and waking multiple times a night. Ideally bedtime is 7pm but he's been doing 10 hour broken nights so I've been putting him to bed earlier, sometimes even 5pm and he'll go to sleep straight away!

There's no rhyme or reason to his waking. It could be for any reason... A hug, a drink (even tho he has a drink bottle by his bed and has always used it and doesn't need my help at all with this) any reason. He will wake up and if I don't fly up the stairs to him (yes my poor resting heart climbs stairs to him each night) he will become so loud the neighbours can hear him and he will come storming out of his room to me.
I've tried responding to the hugs, he will usually go straight back to sleep if I do tho sometimes he's up for two hours after as well, I've tried walk in walk out, he just follows me screaming for his dummy/cuddly/toy/drink all things he can get himself. I've slept in his room, he thinks it's play time if I'm in there.

My dr suggested a sedative for a week to help him snap out of it.
Tonight he was throwing such a wobbly he fell out of bed and smacked his head on his drawers.
I'm so tired I'm constantly snapping at all the kids, I cry all the time, I can't focus, I'm maki g stupid decisions and anxiety attacks are starting up especially at bedtime and I dread nights, I don't want to go to bed because I know it will be filled with the same thing up to 15 times some nights.

Please help?! I'm scared I might actually do something I will regret





Offline Haribo2012

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2016, 12:01:50 pm »
Hi Hun, hugs it's sounds very stressful for you.

There is development leap at 2.5 so that could be contributing...! Does he go to sleep independently at all? I have no experience of sedatives so I can't comment on those but I would suggest trying gradual withdrawal.

I have to rush right now but will be back, don't give up sweetie we will try and help you out even if it's someone for you to talk to  :-*
Zoe


Offline *Jo*

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #2 on: January 18, 2016, 12:09:35 pm »
Yes he can fall asleep independent. It's 1am and he's woken now, wants his drink of water. I went upstairs, pointed to his drink bottle and said "there's your drink bottle" and walked out. This made his decide to start screaming for me. I went in and put him back to bed about  10 times before he went quiet. Got downstairs and into bed, he starts crying again, this time wants a hug. My 7 yr old comes out and yells "mum, he wants a hug!" I tell him to go back to bed, I go upstairs and put him back to bed screaming a couple of times, not saying a single word to him, each time he flies after me as I walk out the room.
At this point I want to pick him up and throw him out the window, rage is building because this is every single night.
I've gone back downstairs and he's called out a few times, it's 50/50 as to whether this will continue for another 2 hours or he may go back to sleep.

Before all this I had weaned him off the dummy and white noise. Now it's all back on and we still aren't sleeping. Almost three months of this.
I can't keep doing this, I feel like calling someone and saying that's it I'm done, take my child from me or I'm going to hurt him. I've been begging people for help for weeks now. I'm fighting an anxiety attack right now, I'm too scared to go to sleep because my heart and body and mind can't handle getting to that resting state and being thrown into sheer panic on waking to his desperate cries.





Offline Kellyjs

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2016, 12:18:24 pm »
I just wanted to pop by with some (hugs). I totally feel your pain atm as we're are going through something quite similar. It took DD 1.5hrs to do to sleep last night and the call backs are horrendous. Whether it be for water, a wee, etc etc. Mind you, I never get called back for hugs  :(.

As ours are the same age, I would presume it's developmental and we both just have to ride it out. I got rather angry last night and had to scream into a pillow. It's very rare I lose it, but all this is pushing my limits.

What I do do is camp outside DD's bedroom until she falls asleep. Some verbal reassurance tends to work, until she escalates where I have to go in. For us too, it is every single night. I do notice a slight difference when she does;t take a nap in that it doesn't go on for as long. Does yours still take a nap and for how long for? Maybe someone can help if there is a routine tweak that's needed too? If you post your easy perhaps we can take a peek?

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I recently posted on here about it and how fed up I was. The general consensus was that this leap is by far the worst if that helps any?

I don't know anything about sedatives for children. Personally I wouldn't like DD to be on them, but of course that is up to you and your doctor to decide xx



Offline Haribo2012

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2016, 15:47:34 pm »
I did spend a good amount of time camped outside DS bedroom at this age or sat on the stairs, we also did a lot if deals like if you stay in bed and go to sleep I'll stay sat here for xyz or leave the door open etc. Is he clingy towards u in the daytime? Are the night wakings at similar times each night?

Have u got anyone to talk to in real life or visit the dr and tell them you are at the end of your tether. Please take some time out if you can even if it's to go do some deep breathing outside to try and relax yourself. x
Zoe


Offline *Jo*

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2016, 19:14:17 pm »
I have talked to a lot of people asking for advice. Hence the slight sedative which clearly hasn't worked anyway so I won't continue with that.
I can't camp out outside his room, I am a single parent and the other two create chaos if I'm upstairs wth Asher, they are becoming resentful as well cos of this.
He isn't extra clingy during the day but his behaviour is atrocious and I don't really like him at the moment. He even tells me during the day "I so so tired" so I know the lack of sleep is affecting him.

He doesn't really nap anymore. The other day he had a nap cos he had been up since 5am and it was a 10 hour broken night. I never let him sleep longer than 45 mins at the very most if he does.

I sat at the top of the stairs last night, it made no difference. If I call out verbally it actually makes him even worse like he's saying "so you're right there but you won't come to me!!!!" Like he's outraged.

He woke another 4 times after that last night, wanting his dummy, hugs and who knows what else.

My friend feels there needs to be an intervention, that someone else needs to tend to his night wakings for awhile to give me a break and so that he stops getting MUMMY whenever he wants. I've yet to find someone for this :(

I'm studying this year and I start in a month, I can't do this if he is like this, I can barely function now let alone with an intensive course.
I feel so lost. My other two were fully sleep trained before they were even 1. This is a nightmare





Offline Haribo2012

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #6 on: January 19, 2016, 07:11:37 am »
What times WU and BT? Have u got grandparents near that could just have him for a night or 2 to give u a break?

Reward charts? Would they work for him if it was visual in his bedroom?x
Zoe


Offline *Jo*

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #7 on: January 19, 2016, 08:46:15 am »
I actually thought of the reward chart today and have started it. I explained to him that we all need our sleep to grow and be happy etc and I said would he like to earn a sticker every morning. I explained that if he would stay in bed all night and not call out for mamma that he could put a sticker on his chart the next morning. He got excited and we went to the shop and I let him pick out the stickers he wanted. I also bought a little night light that has stars on it and slowly changes colours. I explained before bed again the reward thing. He went straight to sleep but by 8:30pm he had woken three times already. The first two times they were just little cries and he put himself back to sleep. The third one was pretty major but I had someone turn up and couldn't leave to tend to him so he cried hard for awhile (always a "want" cry, I move for a "need" cry) and after awhile he calmed down and went back to sleep.

If he cries like that in the night I go up because I've been bolted out of sleep and it's just a knee jerk reaction. I think I may hold back now tho.

Today's wake up was not normal, he was awake between 5-6am and had fallen back to sleep til 7:30am which almost never happens so bedtime tonight (with no nap) was 7pm.

Usually it's about a 6/6:30am wake up and bedtime will be depending on how he's handling the day but generally without a nap it's 11-12 hours later.

It's 9:40pm and he's just woken again......

So with the rewards chart if he cries out do I still give a sticker in the morning if I don't go tend to him? I did say that he had to stay in his own bed and sleep all night and not call out for me but I'm wondering if that's expecting too much too soon?

And no there's literally no one to give me a nights break. No one.





Offline Haribo2012

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2016, 08:56:57 am »
I would still go to him, say remember your stickers you need to go back to sleep now, mummy is going back to bed now. Keep repeating, but like you say don't jump straight in give it a few mins to see if he can settle back down. I know it's a pain but if he gets into the habit then it will become the norm. Does he have lights on a timer or gro clock to know when it's morning?
For us I said if he got a full weeks stickers then we could go choose a reward, normally something from a 1 shop, I know everyone doesn't agree with this but my DS is very stubborn and a tad of bribery worked best.
If you have to go to him but he remains in bed I'd still give the sticker as its new to him so they joy of the reward might be a good incentive, especially if he gets lots of praise and cuddles in the morning, my DS loves to make us happy, so I often say thank you for staying in bed that made mummy very happy as I was so tired...he thinks he's been a big boy and really pleased with himself after that.  :)
Zoe


Offline okinawamama

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2016, 18:11:52 pm »
I had to pop over in part to offer support. I too have a tough sleeper, well past the toddler years, and it's tough.

I too used the reward system with my little guy, and wanted to say that starting very very small was the only way we found it effective. Saying zero cry outs for an entire week is completely unattainable in his mind, so even trying, is futile. We used a very gradual approach. We would have a small reward for calling us back many times, but only needing a cuddle of 2 minutes or less, then after a few days, we'd up the requirement and he'd get the reward for only calling us back once or even twice depending on the frequency of the initial wakings,(crying out and putting himself back to sleep didn't count against him, in my mind, that's a total win),then continue on with requiring more and more sleep from him to obtain the reward.

also, are your boys sharing a room? I was completely terrified of letting my terrible sleeper share a room with my rockstar sleeper out of fear that it would ruin the one good sleeper I had, However, I found that having the company of his older sibling in his room, made DS2 feel a little better. And, surprisingly enough, DS1 slept through a majority of the wakings, or on some occasions, I'd even hear DS1 tell DS2 that it was still night time and to go back to sleep. When DS2 was old enough to have his own bed, he'd even go lay on the floor next to his older brothers bed and would find comfort in having him close. It was scary at first, but for us, we did find it somewhat helpful. Also,  we put the boys together right as DS2 was nap dropping, but we found that allowing DS2 a short nap each day, extended his day so that he could go to bed at the same time as DS1, and that helped DS2 feel more comfortable in his room and They often fell asleep "talking" to one another.

Good luck! Hugs! I always had in my mind that surely he won't be waking when he's 2 or 3, and then when we got to the point where he was, I was so discouraged. I hope he gives you some peace and sleep soon!
toddler A 3/16/2009
baby B 4/20/2011

Offline *Jo*

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #10 on: January 19, 2016, 18:43:14 pm »
Well last night was fantastic!! He cried out at 10:30 and I went in, turned the night light on again (he must've turned it off at some point) and said "remember your stickers for the morning, time for sleep, mummy is going to bed now, goodnight" I don't usually say that many words to him at night as I don't like to interact so it felt a bit funny but he went straight back to sleep. I heard him stir a couple times in the night but otherwise he slept from 10:30-6:30am!!!!!! I was so happy!

I praised him for staying in bed all night and he got to pick his sticker this morning. I think the night light helped immensely and then the sticker this morning would reinforce it all. I'm hoping this isn't a one off anyway

He has shared a room with Ds2 for about a week but ds2 wasn't getting any sleep and it was showing in his behaviour and he was constantly waking up when Asher was and he would get mad and say "go to sleep Asher! I'm tired!" And then when Asher was awake for hours at a time ds2 would come and get me and tell me that Asher was keeping him awake. Asher did find some small comfort in sharing the bedroom but it wasn't enough on its own, maybe now that he's improving I can try again, I just didn't want two exhausted boys, that was too hard.
Best sleep I've had in months!





Offline *Jo*

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #11 on: January 19, 2016, 18:45:50 pm »
Also, nothing to signal to him that it's morning. Times are tight and I can barely afford food let along anything else to help this (even the $3 stickers was a big stretch out of the budget)
The sun comes up about 6am here so it gets light in his room, I guess that's why I don't push him sleeping past 6/6:30am cos if it's light then I can understand his body being awake





Offline Haribo2012

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #12 on: January 19, 2016, 19:32:23 pm »
That's fantastic Hun, I bet it felt great having that nice sleep. Even if it regresses one night then it will get better if you stick to it  :)

Fingers crossed for a good night again x
Zoe


Offline weaver

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #13 on: January 19, 2016, 20:08:26 pm »
Bit late here hun but omg what a nightmare and you are an absolutely super star of holding it together and coming up with a solution. Hope you are proud of yourself as well as him.

Sorry to hear times are so tight. (((Hugs)))
*Anne*, loving mama to a honeybee (2010) and a sweetpea (2012).  BF for 4 proud years.


Offline *Jo*

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Re: 2.5 yr old worse than a newborn
« Reply #14 on: January 20, 2016, 19:26:50 pm »
Ugh. Second night was a dismal fail. He even demanded the nightlight be turned off at 4am...

I'm ready to walk out of this house and call it quits on being a mother, cos I'm not a very nice one now anyway