Author Topic: 9mo Post holiday / sep anxiety / developmental milestone long, frequent NW  (Read 1074 times)

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Offline little_crab

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New to the forum - first I've joined as I've read lots and this just seems so supportive of my style of respectful, gentle parenting - so thank you! I've read a lot of the 9-10 mo NW posts and found some good links, esp the separation anxiety post.

My LO was waking/BF once per night (after 3:30) for a few weeks prior to Christmas. Thought we were finally onto a good thing. Then we went overseas... To a very hot humid place, and within 2 nights he was in hysterics at bedtime and at all NW until BF to sleep (usually after 1-2 hrs awake time - hysterical even though held). He had very sporadically been fed to sleep prior, never at bedtime or before 4am. For rest of holiday (3 weeks) we bed shared and he was waking 1-2hourly and for the sake of having a holiday I was BF to sleep. Also because it was so hot he needed the hydration and being 3rd world, the immune support. So anyway we returned home early Jan and for a week he slept well in own cot/room with only 2 NW/night. Then it all turned rotten again! 3-5 NW, first one if before 2:30 I try not to BF, he will scream the house down until BF and is usually awake 1-2.5 hrs. If not fed immediately he will stay awake even after feeding... If fed immediately he would sometimes go straight back down. Will no longer stand DH going to him at night, hysterics. 'Real tears' distress sweating etc. even when being held and comforted by me, unless/until he has boob. Even when all else fails and I bring him to bed - usually will just play with (read - claw at) my face until he's tired again. The last week we have managed to get back to mostly one night feed but 1-2 wakings are still happening and they are still long and at very inconsistent times. Rarely will get him back to sleep with shh pat at night wakings unless before 12:30am and even then it takes an hour. He is an amazingly contended daytime baby, only ever hear him cry at night. He used to self settle sometimes, usually required touch. I do a gradual retreat and it sometimes works then regresses. Never works at night, has to be touching or held. He cries as soon as he wakes during day or night, and is standing/sitting in cot when I go in. After first NW he wakes every 1.5-2.5 hrs until morning.
My plea for help is so that a. The length of NW shortens, b. DH can also calm him at night and c. I get 5+ unbroken hours at some point in night! Not aiming for sttn necessarily as I don't mind the 3-5am BF. Routine goes mostly like this
A 6:30/7ish
BF 7
Solids 8
Sleep 3hrs after waking 10 (chronic cat napper, anywhere between 30m-1hr)
BF 11/1130
Lunch 12/1230
Sleep 3.5 hrs after waking. Usually around 2/2:30. 30min never more.
BF 3:30
Dinner 5
Bath 6
BF 6:30
Bed 7.

Any advice hugely appreciated!!! Sorry for the novel... Figured the more info to start the better!
Oh also he's in 80th centile weight/height, eats really heartily, protein fats and carbs every meal and loves water.



Offline lily_layne

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Re: 9mo Post holiday / sep anxiety / developmental milestone long, frequent NW
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2016, 01:49:06 am »
(((hugs))) long and frequent NWs are tough. I think a big part of the answer is finding a daytime routine that gets him napping longer. Based on your routine and the disruption from the travel, I think a lot of the NWs could be from built up OT. Basically, his little body is too wound up to sink into a deep sleep and he wakes in the early part of the night and can't get back to sleep (so he tries to play).

If he's never taken long naps, you're right on the money by saying he's a chronic catnapper but the good news is, he's at the age when many LOs begin to lengthen their naps. I think you should leave the am nap where it is and either, a: bring the pm nap earlier - around 2.5-3 hrs or b: try wake to sleep at the pm nap (go in before he wakes and be there to soothe him back to sleep at the 30 minute point). There's some good links in the FAQs. On days when he has only 2 30 min naps, I would aim to have him asleep by 6. An earlier BT may also help with night sleep and will cut down on OT.

With the NWs, I would recommend just feeding him at all NWs if that's what's working just so you can get a bit more sleep (and so he can catch up a bit) and then we can tackle them properly. It also gives us a chance to see if better naps leads to better nights. My DS also had some very long NWs at that age (usually chatting away) and I found that he'd stay awake for 1-2hrs if I didn't feed him but would be back sleeping within 30 min if I did feed him so I ended up feeding for all NWs. Around, 11 months he pretty much dropped the NFs on his own (only about 1/wk).
DD - August 2012
DS - November 2014

Offline little_crab

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Re: 9mo Post holiday / sep anxiety / developmental milestone long, frequent NW
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2016, 02:04:22 am »
Thank you lily_layne for your prompt and detailed reply. Yes you are spot on about him probably being overtired at night with the cat naps and NWs. When he does randomly do longer during the day the night is no different 😩 And he was doing the extended NW up until the good patch before holidays too. No friends babes or children have done the extended one so I've been at a bit of a loss for advice!

Great advice bringing the afternoon nap forward and trying to extend, and when it doesn't I will try and have him in bed earlier.

He is such a creature of habit though and when he hasn't had his 3.5+ hrs before bedtime he is a nightmare to get down, he really isn't tired enough! And considering he doesn't whinge at all during the day I have always assumed that he wasn't OT... Hmm keeps me guessing :)

Will try your tips and let you know if we have success. Thanks again.

Offline lily_layne

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Re: 9mo Post holiday / sep anxiety / developmental milestone long, frequent NW
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2016, 02:23:32 am »
If you bring the pm nap forward and he still short naps, you should still be able to fit in a 3.5 hr A time before an early BT because the nap was earlier!

Keep in mind that it will likely take a while before we see any improvement. OT is cumulative so it will take while with good naps or early BT for him to start catching up on lost sleep.

I know one mom on her struggled with long NWs for ages. I haven't "seen" her around lately, but if I do, I'll ask her to pop on here.
DD - August 2012
DS - November 2014