We need help

[Lindsay27]

Hi ladies, not sure how I am going to help anyone else. I can't even help myself

DD has decided that naps are for the faint of heart, and she is literally not napping at all.  And I mean at all.  It is 3pm and I've been trying to get her down since 10am...she managed a grand total of 15mins.  I am legitimately losing my mind.

She is 8 weeks old today and has pretty much always napped in her bassinet minus the first week or so where she was still a sleepy newborn and would nap in the swing.  The room is dark, she is swaddled, has white noise etc. 

She will fall asleep on me (usually rocking her) but as soon as I put her down she wakes up.  I've tried to wait until I'm sure she's dead asleep before putting her down but it doesn't make a difference.  We haven't attempted independent sleep yet as I'm not entirely sure what her A time should be...I'm assuming around 1.15 but I don't really know, no A time is working.  I have a sling but she absolutely despises it and just screams bloody murder. 

She does good at night, bedtime 7pm, feed at 4am, back down until 7am.  I usually try for the first nap shortly after 8am, but then like I said I can get her to fall asleep easily, but she wakes up as soon as I put her down.  Then I pick her up and try again, and the cycle just repeats over and over again.  Eventually I just give up because there is nothing else I can do, and then she is obviously silly OT...and here we are at 3pm with no nap today.

My DS is home with me so I've spent literally hours trying to get her to stay asleep and it is not fair to him, I need a plan.

Thanks!

[michaeljacknnugg]

What happens when you just hold her for the full nap? It might stop the OT and allow her to at least take the next nap...

[Lindsay27]

I am doing that right now out of desperation, but this is not fair to DS and I feel so badly.  I just told him we had to watch TV for a while so mommy can hold the baby while she sleeps.

[grace annes mommy]

I'm guessing you've tried transferring her to different locations? - swing, bouncy chair, your bed, etc?  We have a rock and play and I swear by it now - it was so helpful for those first few months. 

[Lindsay27]

Okay, looking for advice I how to go about this...because this is a pretty common occurrence.

WU - 6:40am
E - 7am
A
S - 7:55 - 8:30

I left her for about 10mins to see if she would resettle herself (she didn't), so then at 8:40 I tried to resettle her until 9am.  She fell asleep in my arms but when I put her down she seemed like she was out, but then woke up.  At this point since I've already spent 20mins attempting a resettle I abandon the nap.

So, here is the problem.  She doesn't need to eat again until 10am...but if she goes from her 8:30am wake up from her nap until I feed her at 10am and have a nap after her 10am feed she is going to be seriously OT.  I could feed her early, but then she will only snack and not take a full feed, and then she ends up having a bad feeding schedule for the rest of the day.

A 40min nap is just awful for LOs whose A times are already so low to begin with.

[lily_layne]

I have no advice about the feeding but I'm wondering if she'd transfer better to the swing. Both of mine did lots of swing naps in the early months and it didn't become a prop. DS was easy to transfer but DD was another story. I would get her sleeping and then slide her in the swing and then grab it and jiggle it hard and fast (she was a sucker for jiggling) and then turn it on high speed. Do you think that might work for your DD?

[Lindsay27]

I doubt I could transfer her to swing, I've been unsuccessful with this since she was about 4 weeks.  I think the only reason I can sometimes get her off of me and into her crib or bassinet is because she is swaddled tightly.  Any time I try to get her to the swing she flails and wakes herself up.  I can try again though to see, I haven't even attempted in a while. 

[Scottishmummy]

Contrary to my previous advice in birth club chat, if she is consistently waking before 7, could you feed her on waking (6.45ish) and then do an EAS AEAS pattern, even if it's just a very short nappy change A before that 2nd sleep?

[Lindsay27]

She doesn't consistently wake before 7, it really depends on what time she has her NF and if she has 1 or 2 NF as well, sometimes she will have a NF at 4am and then up for the day at 7, other times it will be 2am and 5am...it really depends. 

The problem is if she only naps 30mins she is completely wrecked by the next E, so it's really hard to do an A after her E, though if it is only a diaper change that is probably doable. 

[Lana]

Lindsay have you tried to put her down super drowsy but not quite asleep?  that worked well for both of mine.

[Scottishmummy]

In that case it's probably better to keep feed times as consistent as possible.

It's so hard when naps and feeds clash, and a relief when A times finally extend so that they don't happen so much. I think I used to just opt to feed early & hope for a better nap next time.

Sorry not much help, maybe someone could offer advice on getting a longer first nap? (I've never been able to get either of mine to nap more than 40 mins at 1st nap ever!)

[Odin's_mom]

I am following along because I am in the same boat with my 8 week old DS.

[Lindsay27]

Ya, my main problem is getting a longer first nap.  And I agree, until A times are longer the naps and feeds all get muddled together if you don't get a good EAS from the get-go.

I don't think my A times are way off though? She can pretty easily do 1.15, though she does seem a little more tired during her first A.

[lily_layne]

I didn't always have A times after feeds when DS was small. He did sometimes feed to sleep after a rough nap. I worried so much about not letting DD do that and with a toddler around I had to relax my standards for DS and feeding to sleep didn't become a prop. I ended up finding that he actually did better with a feed right before the nap - almost always got longer naps that way even when he didn't feed to sleep and went down awake.

A tight swaddle was also important for both of my LOs. A short nap was guaranteed if DD's swaddle was the teeniest bit loose.

[Lindsay27]

This morning was

WU 7:10
E 7:15
A
S 8:20-9:10

So about a 50 min nap and I held her for the first 15-20mins of that.  I didn't even attempt to resettle her because honestly I just didn't feel like it lol.  At a certain point I just have to deal with the cards handed, I don't feel like spending my life resettling naps.  So I've plopped her in the swing, no signs of nodding back off.  Will feed again shortly after 10am and then I'm sure she'll be ready to go back down.

I've tried longer A times and I just get 30min OT naps, so either I'm just missing the A time sweet spot, or she's just unable to transition between sleep cycles.