We need help

[lolsyb1982]

Lindsay I think your A times are right and it's just a case of being able to transition. We're having the same problems.
Completely agree with not wanting to spend your life resettling!

[Lindsay27]

I think you are right Lauren, I really don't think our A times are off.

[SassyJs]

Omg we are in exactly the same situation !  Same things are happening.

The first A is so elusive, I tried 1 hr 15 mins at times but still get 30-45 mins naps. Sometimes LO fusses before her A time is up and I am real puzzled when I put her down Doesn't get me a longer Nap though?

Only consolation is most of the time she goes down easy to sleep if not extremely OT.

NFs are erratic too. Good days she do not wake up before DF it's 3am & up about 7. On bad nights it's 1, 3,5am or wake ups 6am, etc. I am going crazy with the erratic wake up times too.

Bedtimes at 7pm are hit and miss too.  I end up trying to resettle till 8pm and that's when she falls asleep. Sometime peacefully till DF sometimes not.

I am just trying to live day by day, hour by hour with this unpredictability.

[Lindsay27]

Ugh I am so frustrated.  We aren't even getting 40mins unless I hold her for the first 20.  If I don't then she's up after 20mins, she can't even transition through that cycle.  She is such a good night sleeper this just baffles me.

I don't know what to do, I think our A times are ok.  We have absolutely no routine...how can you with a 20min nap!?  The worst part is I've now thrown out my neck and upper back yesterday and I can't even AP her in the wrap so I'm literally stuck with 20min naps.  I just need a break, you can barely shower and brush your teeth in 20mins, I'd be happy with just 1 decent nap a day.

This morning WU was 7:45am with NFs at 11:30pm and 4am

E 7:45
A
S 9-9:20, rocked her and she went back down until 9:40.  Tried to settle again but it wasn't happening, and my back couldn't handle it anymore

She falls asleep for her nap so easily, she just can't transition at all.  And I have her in a tight swaddle, dark room, quiet etc.  Just frustrated today

[Lindsay27]

And now I'm not even getting 20mins...I've held her until she's in a deep sleep but the second I put her down she just wakes up.  Over and over.  So tired   I don't know what to do anymore.  She won't nap at all unless I'm holding her or am laying with her.  I should know how to deal with this I just don't.  I've tried shh/pat in her crib but she just doesn't fall into a deep sleep.  I've tried putting her down super drowsy but awake and she just wakes up and stares into space, or startles herself awake constantly (despite the tights swaddle).  She's beyond exhausted now because she's literally slept 40mins all day, and not all at once.  I have my DS home and the poor kid has watched TV all day because I've spent all day trying to get her to sleep.

I know we can't make babies sleep, just give them the tools, but I am just over it dealing with this every single day and now not even managing 45mins naps...I would gladly take one of those right now.

[lily_layne]

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. That is really tough to handle. Is she possibly in a wonder week? My DD barely napped anytime she was in a big leap.

I know it's not recommended but have you tried her on her tummy? Both of mine slept way better on their tummies. I would've gone insane with DD if I hadn't discovered that she would actually take a decent nap if I put her on her tummy. Loud white noise also helped. It was as loud as a blow dryer for the first 30-40 minutes (it actually was my blow dryer until I got a white noise app) and then I would turn it down.

Have you tried feeding her right before a nap? Maybe a full tummy will help her transition???

[Lindsay27]

I think she's is on the other side of a wonder week.  I haven tried her in her tummy but I'm not sure she'd be a tummy sleeper, she hates tummy time and sleeps well on her back at night.  She settles beautifully at bedtime and I can put her down no problem, just not for naps.

She was a complete basket case by 4pm so I just held her while she slept, it was all I could do at that point.  I think the only way this is going to change is to work on independent sleep, but I don't even know where to begin to be honest, and she is so attached to me...she often won't take a bottle from DH or let him hold her. 

I'm not opposed to using the wrap when my back heals but I would really love to get at least 1 nap in her crib.  Today was just tough and it really got the better of me.  I remember dealing with this with DS and he didn't take a decent nap until he was 6 months old and it scares me to think of going through that again.

[Lindsay27]

So this morning was:

WU 7am
E 7:15
A
S 8:15 - 8:35 (20 mins).   I resettled her in the crib - she dozed off within about 10mins and then held her arms through the jolts until 9am and then she woke at 9:15

So out of this "1hr" nap I was in there with her for at least half of it.  I'm just not getting it - the initial 20mins or why she doesn't stay asleep after I've held her through all the jolts and made sure she was back in a deep sleep. 

We are off to the doctor for her immunizations this morning and then need to do groceries so she'll just be napping in the car until later this afternoon when I can attempt this all again

[lily_layne]

I totally get your fears, frustration and exhaustion. Have you ever read or watched the Happiest Baby on the Block? There may be some things in there that will work for your DD.

[Lindsay27]

I ordered a sound machine today, we'll see if that does anything...not hopeful lol.

I think she just has major issues transitioning between sleep cycles.  Even when I hold her (which I am right now) she gets the major jolts at the 20min mark exactly - heavy breathing, eyes fluttering etc.  So when she's in her crib it just wakes her completely.  I'm sure there is nothing I can do about that other than hold her through them, it is just time consuming and often seems counter productive if she only lasts another 15 mins  after that, which is likely the end of the next sleep cycle.

[michaeljacknnugg]

Yeah, we have that too. Even in the sling, where he's less sensitive to stuff. In the car seat, buggy or nest you can forget a long nap because he just can't do it. I guess part of it is waiting it out, and kinda surviving until then.

[Lindsay27]

Yup I think it is just going to come with time and age . I tend to forget how little she is and that she really just needs some cuddles and to be held sometimes to sleep.  It is just hard to manage the rest of life when you are doing that, so I get overwhelmed and all flustered...until 8pm when the kids are in bed and I pour a glass of wine lol... then I feel fine lol

[michaeljacknnugg]

Haha, you have it one better than me there! Still feeding...

Honestly I don't know what I'd do without the sling. I can get quite a lot done - cleaned my hob for something to do today - but I can't rest at all while he naps.

DS1 is so different - difficult to get to sleep but once he's out, he's out. DS2 decided to go for the worst of both worlds! I am enjoying having him with me really though, and he's over a quarter of the way through his babyhood...it's all going too quickly!

[Lindsay27]

Do you ladies have any suggestions for starting to work on independent sleep?  Just swaddle her and put her down drowsy but awake?  I feel like she's just going to stare around forever then start crying.

I think unless I start to work on IS our nap situation is never going to change.  I can't hold her for every nap and I can have her nap in the wrap, but honestly I need time during the day where a baby is not attached to me.  And she's never overly settled in the wrap anyway...I had her napping in it the other day and I sneezed and it woke her up, tried to grab a load of laundry out of the dryer and I closed the door and it woke her up.  She mostly just dozes off and then something wakes her, dozes, wakes etc. so it is never a quality nap anyway.

I've tried putting her in her crib asleep and then holding her with a firm hand through transitions and patting her back but it doesn't work, she just wakes.  I can only get her to transition if I am rocking her or laying with her.  She can often self settle herself at night...she's a fab night sleeper so at least I have that!

[lily_layne]

I think Creations had success starting sh/pat at an early age. You could maybe see what she did. I know a few of the mamas that had LOs around the same age as my DS found that their LOs didn't respond well to sh/pat and basically they just sat near (or with a hand on their LO) as they fell asleep. I think Emami did that because sh/pat just got her LO more upset.