Where to start and what am I doing wrong?

[SereneDream]

Hello lovelies.

I honestly don't know where to begin but I would like some advice if possible.

My LG is 14 weeks today and this last week has been sheer hell on the sleep front

We had been doing EASY from around 9/10 weeks and it really suited us. My LG took to it straight away and started sleeping from 8/9 until 7 every night for 2 weeks (Yey!) However this week something has changed and I don't know how to correct it I have one exhausted LG and mummy here.

I think it started when my aunt came last weekend and really hyped her up before bed. That evening she didn't settle until 10pm. The night before had been a late one also. Since then naps have turned into 30/45 min naps and we've been up around 1/2am every morning until 5am.

I know I shouldn't but I rock my LG to sleep for naps and she more often than not sleeps on me, or used to sleep in her pram if out on a walk or in the car seat. None of that is even working anymore as she still only lasts 30/45 mins.

She has been incredibly hard to settle/rock to sleep in the day and its getting me down I just want her body to rest to break this cycle and let her grow/develop.

Just to add - I am breastfeeding and do so on demand. During the night I feed to sleep as its the only way I can get her to sleep.

I'm so worried about her as she looks constantly tired. Usually I know the cues for when she's tired however these passed few days have been impossible to tell due her being so exhausted.

I think it's not helped that I'm alone here. My nearest friend is a 20 min drive away and my family are 1.5 hr drive away. All of which work full-time as does my husband however he has "man flu" at present so I'm trying to look after him and my little one and keep on top of the housework etc etc.

Any help would be much appreciated,

One tired mama x

[Bella89]

Hi there,
so sorry you guys are struggling over there. We all know how difficult it is to help our LO rest when we are tired ourselves.
I hope I will be able to help a little.

Yes, it seems like she got confused with the time to rest and now is OT. I think your intuition is the most important here.

My first question is about EASY. Could you write down whatever it is right now (even if its nonesense . Let's try with whatever happened yesterday.
Do you swaddle/use pacifier?
Does she sleep the whole nap on you or do you put her down in a crib? What do you do when trying to resettle?

I hope it's not too much.
Hugs

[SereneDream]

Thank you Bella.

I'm going to try write down today's best I can however yesterday's was roughly -

(Fed at 6am then slept until 730) E: 7.30, A: 7.45-8.15, E: 8.15-835 S: 8.40- 10.40, E: 10.40, A: 1050-1130 S: 11.45-12.20, E: 12.30 A:1245-1430 (tried several times to settle prior to this with no joy), S: 1440-15.10, E: 15.10, A: 15.20-16.20 S: 1630-17.15 A: 1720- 1815 E: 1815-18.30 A: (bath) E: 1900 (She always feeds to sleep in the evening)

Shes then woke at 1030, 11ish and now asleep on me. I may have to co-sleep tonight so at least one of us is resting!! I have a 'next2me' crib but she won't settle in it

I realise some A times are super short however she's been so OT that she can't tolerate much longer
We don't swaddle anymore as she didn't like being swaddled from around 8/9 weeks. She sleeps in a GroBag at night. She also refuses a pacifier. She used to sleep the whole nap on us but we've been trying to pop her down onto a 'V' pillow (she wakes instantly if put into crib).

To resettle I pick her up when she opens her eyes and rock her back. Sometimes it'll work and once in a deep sleep, I'll pop back back on her pillow. However this week she hasn't resettled

[SereneDream]

And we've seen every hour tonight

[Bella89]

Oh, I'm so sorry it's no better:/

Ok, by the look of your routine A times are really short, that's true. I would do everything to extend those. I know it seams she is so OT she can't take it, but I tell you this solely as my own experience - sometimes to break the OT cycle is to get them tired some more (I always used a rule - if DS is OT I don't have anything to loose:/). I think she has so many opportunities to sleep now, that she stopped differenciate between the time to play and sleep, can't keep up. This way she doesn't have to learn how to deep sleep, because her body is used to short napping, but frequent. Does that make sense? I would assume that 1.5h of A time should be no problem, but you have to get there. Make it your goal for now.
Look into here:

Is it possible that picking her up is waking her up even more?
Also, I know you said you're BF on demand, and that might be the cause of some trouble. I am no BF expert, but I think feeding on demand at that age might not be a perfect solution here. You'll end up feeding her all the time really quick and have no time for yourself. Just something to think about. I don't want to overstep here. There is also a chance that if you'll extend A times and naps will be longer the time between feedings will extend by itself.

What do you think?

[Bella89]

i forgot about the link
Average A times- BOOKMARK ME!

[SereneDream]

Thank you so much for getting back to me.

Okay will try the 1.5 hour A time.

This morning so far has sadly been the same. 45 min nap times. We did 1.5 hr A time this morning after 45 mins nap which was followed by another 45 min nap but will preserve.

If I left her, she would wake and lie there awake so I try to re-settle. Should I be leaving her until she shouts out/cries? She used to self settle but of late hasn't been for some reason. I'm not sure if its because we've had a few episodes where she's choaked on her fingers/hand and been sick so she may not want to ??

I'm trying to stick to 3 hrly feeds at present with potential of pushing for 3.10 or 3.15? It's hard at the moment with us being stuck in a rut with the naps however again, will try.

Thank you again x x

[Bella89]

I wouldn't worry about her fingers. I know you hope it will sooth her, but maybe you can give her a blanky, a teddy bear, a muslin cloth? Something else she could be comfortable with? Or maybe (I am assuming if she doesn't cry) she doesn't need anything? With thumb sucking, they tend to learn it around 5mo i think.

I forgot to mention! With a change like this (pushing A time) I always noticed changes in naps with my DS after 3-4 days.Be patient and hang in there some more

If she wakes up and doesn't cry - by all means leave her be This is how they're learning to fall asleep again. It will take forever, than 30 min, than 15 and so on. She is still resting if lying there you know? Some parents count a time like that as half a nap time - 30 min of laying down and talking as 15min nap. That works best in the morning when you sleep and they just talk to themselves:) Sometimes it's better to let them be than run with help that is not neccessary

Oh no. At 14 weeks, feeding every 3h is important, so I wouldn't play with that too much. I was talking more about her E at 7:30 and then 8:15? Or maybe I got something wrong:/

[SereneDream]

I figured it may take a little while today has been the same however have kept the As at 1.5 hrs with E every 3. Still 45 min naps but hoping for a change before long

Do you think I need to start PU/PD? Or something else? Given that she sleeps on me for some naps? Or should I wait until this is all rectified?

I perhaps should have mentioned we also don't DF. It never seemed to suit her and she slept fine (or used to!!) without it.

We've also noticed today that she is full of cold so I'm wondering if this could be hindering things also. She has so far this evening woke 2 times (its 9pn here so she has woke every 45 mins). She woke up wriggling with her eyes open. I left her for a few minutes and then she started to cry so shes currently asleep on my chest. I'm worried about putting her down in her crib as she may wake again after 45 mins??

[Bella89]

If it was me, I would wait with teaching her to sleep in a crib by herself until he is well rested from good naps and healthy.

Unfortunatelly, colds and runny noses are the dictators of everything. I personally do whatever works when DS is sick (rock to sleep, hug, rub back, hold hand, cosleep Then I slowly try to go back to what it was before

I'm worried about putting her down in her crib as she may wake again after 45 mins??

It depends if you want to start teaching her to sleep by herself or wait until she is fully recovered from the cold. Let me know, we can go through it together when you're ready

DF never worked for us either. I always BF when DS was awake by himself:/

[SereneDream]

Sounds like a plan I'll wait until she is fully recovered. I may try co sleeping this evening in the hope we all get some much needed rest!

May I ask which method you use for your LO with regards sleeping? (Hush pat/PU/PD) I have been hush patting but also stood rocking at the same time these passed few days just to get her used to hush pat but will take things slowly at the moment given how shes feeling.

[Bella89]

Sure, I shhh a lot DS up to 4 months, but he didn't like pating his back, onlu rubbing cheeks:)
Then I tried PU/PD, but I noticed when I was picking him up he would then wake up for good, so I just used pacifier and hold his hand. Sometimes I had to rock him in my arms.
When he was 6-8 months I did PUPD and he learned how to sleep by himself. He is 1yo now and went bananas, holding his hands and waiting for me to pick him up. When I do he is frustrated and I have to lay him back down
Shh pat is for newborns while PUPD for older babies. LO 8 mo might even be too old for that.It depends on a baby:)
Look into here, you will find a lot of infor over there:
Pick Up/Put Down (PU/PD) - Everything you ever needed to know!
Shush-pat - How to

[SereneDream]

Day 2 and still napping at 45 mins and no let up in the nights! Just wondering if its a sign that LO is ready to move to next phase? I'll give it a few more days perhaps to see ??
Don't know whether to introduce a pacifier or if this would add to the problem?
Thank you, I briefly read those but will read fully tomorrow

[Bella89]

How is she doing after 1.5h?

I wouldn't add a pacifier to the picture. She got through the worst phase when they need sucking badly. I doubt she needs it right now having been sleeping without it before.

Also, I think there is a post somewhere about tips on getting from 1 sleep cycle to another. That might also help you resettle. I will look for it

[SereneDream]

Thank you. Last night my husband had to have her on his chest all night which once he's back at work won't be practical. Every time he would put her in her crib/on her back she would wake.

Today we've had 7am wake up with 1.5 hrs A time and a napped for 30 mins!! Seems to be getting worse.

She gets a bit grouchy after 1.5 mins and whiney

[Bella89]

I wonder if it's a problem with her taking naps and her routine or just sleeping habits... I honestly do not know

Let me call for some backup Hang in there!! {sending some good vibes}

[SereneDream]

Thank you
We tried longer A times these passed few days which has helped a little however yesterday's wake up was 630 and today's was 6.  Wondering if it's coincidence or again something I've done wrong??

[lauradj]

Hi there!  If you're seeing some improvement, that is good news. I wouldn't assume you've done anything wrong, there will be good days and bad days, even once you have the routine sorted.  Just keep at it for the next several days and see how it plays out.  Maybe keep a log so you can see the progress?

[SereneDream]

Will do. Thank you. I think my LG having a cold has thrown a spanner in the works. she will only sleep on her side and the risk of SIDS is worrying me. Every time we lie her on her back she wakes. She hasn't mastered rolling as yet

[lauradj]

Make a towel roll and place it under her fitted sheet.  It will help her stay on her side safely.  I used this technique for the first 5 months of my son's life because he had reflux.  If she's sick, nothing is going to work until she's feeling better.  All she'll want right now is Mummy. 

[SereneDream]

Thanks so much for the tip! hope you are both well.

We've been extending A time with my LO and she manages 7-9 (ish, give or take 5/10 mins) however is still napping for 45 mins each time! I haven't managed to get her feeds to 4 hours yet. They tend to be every 3.5 hours which I'm okay with as long as shes happy.

We've been having 4 x 45 min naps in the day. Any advice on what to do/change?

She does nap downstairs with me in the day. I was trying to find the thread of "what consists of a good wind down routine" I saw a few weeks back but couldn't find it to see if that could help.

Thank you ladies

[lauradj]

Ask and you shall receive!  It was under the FAQ section for Sleep
What does a good wind down consist of (Includes 4S ritual)

3.5hr feedings are just fine.  She'll get to 4hr eventually and you're right, you don't want to rush it if she's not ready.  If you're still getting 45min naps I'd say you could push the A time by another 10-15mins but that's your call.  What does your current EASY look like?

[SereneDream]

I'll start writing it down these next few days and let you know. So you can see

Thank you for the link <3