Toddler suddenly unable to sleep on his own....what should I do?

[4isstillnighttime]

Hello!

I post here all the time, but this is the first time my little twin has had a thread!! He is 2y 6months and has quite significantly lower sleep needs than his brother - dropped his nap a few months ago. If he naps he will then stay awake really late BUT until recently would just play with his trains in his bed. So never used to have a problem being on his own.

All 3 of the kids (and me!) were ill recently which coincided with DH working away. To get us through we did all sorts of bad things - co-sleeping, cuddle to sleep, etc. Now they are better and I have just started taking them back to their own beds when they come in in the night - big twin protests but does go back and I sit with him til he goes back to sleep - will do a kind of gradual withdrawal I think so that's ok. But little twin has suddenly become terrified of being separated from me at all, even in the day time. I can't have him in bed with me as big twin will then come in, they will scrap and wake the baby, and it's all too much. I've tried sleeping in his bed but he wakes up as soon as I get up (and I have to to feed the baby) and is really stressed. He was awake last night between 1 and 3 (I was in his bed) and he said he was scared to go to sleep because I would leave. He follows me round the house, panicks if he can't see me, won't go more than a metre away from me at toddler group or friends houses.

What do I do? He's not being naughty, he is genuinely terrified! Last night when I was in bed with him I could feel his little heart racing. I want to be sympathetic and responsive to his needs....but I also have a lot on my plate with the magic no-sleeping baby and I am struggling with this on top of it all. I thought about making a bed on the floor of his room so he could see me but I could (hopefully) get up without waking him, but will that just freak him out more?

Any ideas??

[michaeljacknnugg]

What about a bed in your room for him? And his brother, if necessary?

Hugs, you are having such a rough ride of things atm.

[4isstillnighttime]

We are absolutely on our knees. This winter has been relentless.

There's not room in our room for the twins, but it's a good idea. little twin and the baby are pretty reliant on me to settle them too, so although DH does what he can when he is home, I feel like I spend all night hopping from bed to bed. I was struggling enough just with the baby! It's only 10 and I have resettled the baby 3 times and am now on the floor in the twins room holding little twins hand. DH has to work tomorrow and he isn't home yet.

  I think we need to be sent to the seaside to convalesce!!! Instead I am going back to work in a couple of weeks......

[4isstillnighttime]

Hello.....so......more advice is needed!! 

Neither twin can now sleep on his own. Little twin from about 10:30 and big from about 3. They want to sleep in our bed, but fight if they are both there, and have taken to following me round the house as I try and settle the baby. At half 4 this morning they were on a duvet on the floor in the baby's room as I fed him, but they wind each other up and so the day began then, for all of us. Not cool.

They go to sleep perfectly happily in their beds. They have a groclock, and are allowed into our bed for cuddles as soon as it is yellow, and if they stay in their own beds all night they get a very special sparkly sticker. We have been doing that for about 2 weeks and I have given out 3 stickers I think!

I am leaning towards a short but tough phase of rapid return, cold turkey sleeping in their own beds. I am prepared to sleep on the floor in there for a while while they get used to it again and do a kind of GW. But DH (the enemy of sleep training!!) thinks they are doing this because they need us and that we should just have them in with us, and that they are genuinely frightened (there is often some muttering about monsters in the night, I think it's just messing around!). I appreciate he likes the cuddles as he doesn't see much of them at the moment....but I think it's not really doing any of us any good.

Any thoughts? I don't want them to be frightened and upset at night....but we are all getting tireder and tireder. I wondered about a special night light or something that will protect them from the monsters, then there would be no need to come in with us.

[weaver]

I would address the monster fear (teddies can scare away monsters, a 'monster spray', there's no such thing as monsters, whatever route you prefer) and do the GW you suggest.  I would discourage anything that keeps them out of their beds.  The aim is to get them to stay in their beds for as much of the night as possible, no?  DH needs to address his own guilt issues (see below) but keeping *you* awake all night will not do this.

Massive (((Hugs)))) you've been through the mill.  Can DH give you an afternoon/day off one of these weekends? I think you need a coffee or a massage!

[4isstillnighttime]

Thanks Anne (((hugs))) and thanks for thinking of me!! I had an afternoon nap yesterday and did hand over to DH at 6 this morning and go back to bed for a few hours....so I'm not too bad. The trouble is that at night they cry for me, and they go crazy if I'm not there. DH managed to settle little twin once last night but in general they settle quickly for me and v v slowly for him. But that's another of the terrible habits we have got into since they have been poorly. Is monster spray just lavender oil in a plant mister or something?

Thanks for the reassurance!its for their own good as they are as tired as I am.

[michaeljacknnugg]

You poor thing, you've had a tough time lately haven't you?

I think a few drops of lavender in some water would go perfectly into a small spray bottle. Maybe a guard teddy as well?

I'm looking into a blow up ready bed for our room as my big one is struggling, might be an option if you could fit the child sized ones in somewhere.

[4isstillnighttime]

Well....we are doing it tonight!! I bought a purple spray bottle and put water and gold glitter in it (the only essential oil I could find in the house is tea tree which didn't seem right!) and I sprayed the kids beds before I turned the light off, so they know the monsters can't get them. I'm on the floor in their room stretched across the doorway so they can't get out, and we have been talking for 2 days about how they are going to sleep all night in their big boy beds.

Assuming (and it's a big assume!!) this works, any tips on handling the withdrawal bit? I was thinking after a couple of nights just switch to rapid returning them or something.

Love the idea of a guard teddy!!!! I've got mine from when I was a baby, they don't play with him much but I could make him a monster fighting outfit!!!

Thanks again for all the support.

[michaeljacknnugg]

I love the glitter idea! How did the night go?

Why not try 'training' the guard teddy tonight and then leaving him in charge after that? Have the twins help you train him etc?

[4isstillnighttime]

It was not too bad actually. I had to put them each back to bed once but they then stayed there - little twin woke up when the baby did at about 5, and big twin could then sleep in til 6:30 as he was in his own bed on his own. They were very excited to get their special stickers - waited til they were dressed and they both strutted in to nursery with them proudly displayed on their jumpers!

Great idea to train the teddy! I could leave him by the groclock (it glows a bit so they would see it in the night)) with the monster spray and say that if any come in he will spray them.

Also, DH is home tonight (yay!!) and is going to sleep in their room tonight. Baby was up a few times last night but no feeds (double yay) and he is teething so it's probably allowed. I am really hoping the end of all this nonsense is in sight and we can finally start getting some sleep!!!!!!!! Although I've probably jinxed it all now!!

[michaeljacknnugg]

That does sound like progress!! Fingers crossed!!