Talk to me about tackling co sleeping

[michaeljacknnugg]

We kinda fell into this but I'll be honest, I love it  . There is nothing more delicious than waking up to that first smile of the day, or curling up around that little body at night. I make sure we're safe and DH is enjoying his full night's sleep in the spare room!

Unfortunately it can't last, at least not in the way we're doing it now. At present I have to stay with him all night - I can just about slip out for a toilet break but that's about it, and so my days are ending rather early! When I go back to work (Sept) that won't be feasible, but I'd be happy to have him in with me when I come upstairs for the night (dh may not be, we'll see).

I've tried a couple of times in the last week to put him in the bedside crib. The result is the same as it was last time I tried: he startles a lot and eventually wakes at the end of a sleep cycle. We've managed a couple of hours in there at one point but he's a very light sleeper.

I have white noise going and we've been sleeping with a lovey so that it smells of me. I would like to eventually transition him but very very gently, since he is one of those babies who gets more and more worked up by crying. I can't handle him crying, either.

So, I'd like to hear your experiences and advice. Continue to enjoy this a while longer, make small steps towards him sleeping in the crib or try him in there every day?

[Katet]

I know it's not BW, but I think if I had had another baby - esp when 2 eldest were 7 & 9yo like my friend did I would have done much the same as she did, which it kind of sounds like you do.

She co-slept in the early months & then what she & her DH did (mostly her as she is amazingly talented) was to design a sidecar cot that was the exact height of the bed & locked in next to her bed & they slowly transitioned her into the extra space rather than snuggled up to Mum & Dad (as it was all 3 in the bed)

[Buntybear]

We didn't co sleep when Olly was tiny but did more and more when turned about 1 I think it must have been (due to his awful sleep with allergies). It did lead to a LONG LONG time of sleep training - be warned - especially if you one who cannot listen to crying. We don't like crying either so it did take months 

I have to say if you have a happy, healthy baby then i would start to get him back into a cot sooner rather than later. If only for him to get used to it so when you do decide to make the change it isn't such a wrench for him.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

DD3 slept in a bassinet on the bed beside me...that way she was within arms reach but I could sleep better. At about 3 months I moved her to a tiny crib beside the bed and that worked until we started disturbing each other so she slept in her big crib in DD1's room around 4.5 months.

[twogirlsmommy]

DD2 mostly slept in her bed but between the ages of 11-16 months would end up either in bed with us for the rest of the night or for part of the night (we would fall asleep for about an hr or 2 and then I would transfer her back into the crib)  The only reason we stopped at 16 months old was because when she came into our bed it became a game.  So  I would bring her in and instead of laying down she was poking me in the eyes or rolling around etc.  I ended up having to put her back in her crib and it was a rough week of sleep training (dh was at his mom's because he had just had major knee surgery) so it was just me with the girls and we were ALL sleep deprived that week lol  I don't see any problem with it as long as everyone is sleeping and that you are prepared to fix it when it doesn't work for you guys anymore.

[michaeljacknnugg]

The trouble is getting him to sleep, and to stay asleep, is extremely difficult. That's what has got us here in the first place so while I can try to put him in the crib daily, it's not going to stop him from having this difficulty and will probably make it worse.

Next to me he snuggles in and goes off to sleep. On his own, even with me holding his hand or putting my hands on him, he will startle through the jolts and eventually wake up. I've been up since 5.20am in exchange for one hour in the crib.

The only way he gets decent naps is for me to wear him, so I'm on duty for all naps as well as feeding. Plus two horses and school runs, and a DH with a long commute. We've been ok so far but trying to get him out of the bed is the straw that breaks the camel's back, yk?

He does not want to be swaddled, tried that. Tried him in the baby hammock, too. Been reading around and I'm pretty well doing everything that's suggested. Feel at a loss as to how I can help him sleep? We are already doing what works, literally the only thing that works right now.

[Jodes112]

I think if it works for you, and you are happy and comfortable to continue like that, then i dont see the issue with it. As pp said when the time does come to get him into his own bed you may well have struggles and a rough time, but thats something at least you will be prepared for.

We never co-slept with either of our kids, but when they are poorly they jump in with us. It really does fill you up to to top with love snuggling up to them. Its so enjoyable. So i would say carry on doing what you are, if lo is happy, you are happy, dh is happy. And tackle any obstacles when you reach them.

[michaeljacknnugg]

My idea of perfection would be him going to sleep in his crib at first, so that I can use my evening again, and one night feed. That would be amazing and probably not realistic for his age (15 weeks)!

I don't want to be doing him a disservice but not giving him the opportunity to practice going to sleep another way and then suddenly thrusting change on him; that doesn't feel fair. So I have months and I want to do something, even just in tiny steps. That said I do feel that I want and need to be with him atm, because of everything that surrounded my pregnancy I am valuing having him to myself and falling in love with him now in a way that I did with DS1 whilst I was carrying him.

DH and I spoke this morning and I think we will try a couple of naps a week in the crib, and one in the pram, in the full knowledge that they will be short and he will need to catch up afterwards. That way he doesn't always fall asleep next to me in the sling. And when it feels right I will put him in the crib at night. In the meantime we'll do some playing in there and try to establish a better winddown for naps than we currently have.

We have a good routine going, are working on bt routine (he's often too tired for this), we have a lovey and we have white noise. It feels like we are doing the 'right' things, yk? Maybe add in a bit of time and see what happens?

[Katet]

I think that sounds good, baby steps, work with what you are comfortable, lots will change with age etc & if you take small steps & work on small goals it will work

I know with DS2 I only ever worried about his bedtime & the nap he had while DS1 napped (so I got a break) & the rest of the time I accepted catnaps as our normal.

[amayzie]

We didn't co-sleep when he was little but have coslept for a good year or 2 now at least... i'd say 2 years and a bit. He starts the night in his bed then comes in with us at around 2am- sometimes earlier and sometimes later. We actually really love it as we only have the one, and he;s only going to be little for a short time. It is precious knowing he is right there.

[michaeljacknnugg]

That sounds lovely Katy  . I didn't expect it to be this nice - sharing with ds1 means having his cold feet on you all night  .

[Buntybear]

DH and I spoke this morning and I think we will try a couple of naps a week in the crib, and one in the pram, in the full knowledge that they will be short and he will need to catch up afterwards. That way he doesn't always fall asleep next to me in the sling. And when it feels right I will put him in the crib at night. In the meantime we'll do some playing in there and try to establish a better winddown for naps than we currently have.

We have a good routine going, are working on bt routine (he's often too tired for this), we have a lovey and we have white noise. It feels like we are doing the 'right' things, yk? Maybe add in a bit of time and see what happens?

That sounds like a good plan. You are going to be a big prop for him to break so it isn't going to be an easy ride. Although he may surprise you! It is good that you have the goal of sept (a bit like loosing weight when you have a holiday planned  ) as really he is going to have to be able to sleep on his own then, or at least in a cot.

I do think that having him close is helping you process your own issues at the moment and so I am so happy that you are able to cherish and enjoy the baby weeks, you know that they go so fast xx

[4isstillnighttime]

OK, I know I post here all the time asking about my baby's sleep so I am in no way qualified to comment....but if you love it and it's working for you at the moment, I would carry on. My baby is still in his cosleeper and our best way to sleep is with our cheeks pressed together, his snuffly little breaths in my ear. If I didn't have the others to wrestle with I would keep him in my bed forever - in fact, if my bed was big enough and they didn't fight so much I would have all 3 of them in my bed forever! For me, it is a really important bonding experience.

You have to do what's right for you as a family, and the nap plan sounds sensible (and what I did with this baby). But don't feel bad or guilty for enjoying your nights with him! He won't want to sleep with you when he's 18....

[athenasmom]

We had a portable travel bed for DS when he was that little. &gclsrc=ds]http://www.target.com/p/the-first-years-close-secure-portable-infant-sleeper/-/A-530166?ci_src=328768002&ci_sku=530166&ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=bing_pla_df&CPNG=PLA_Baby%2BShopping&adgroup=SC_Baby&LID=700000001230728pbs&gclid=%5B*GCLID*%5D&network=s&device=c&querystring=travel%20baby%20bed&gclid=[*GCLID*]&gclsrc=ds We didn't co-sleep much though because I am the worst sleeper in the world ... but that's another story.
How about transitioning him into that first. That way he is in with you but still kind of separate. Then when he is used to that you can move it farther away from you each night on the bed. Then when he is used to being farther away from you then you can eventually move it inot his cot next to your bed kwim? And because it is portable you can take it for naps too. 

[michaeljacknnugg]

We already have a bedside crib and a baby hammock, so we don't really want to buy anything else!

I put him into the crib once he'd gone to sleep feeding last night and he stayed there for a couple of hours with my arms on him. DH had moved it a bit so we felt more connected than when he was in there previously. It was nice to be able to move!

It did mean that he woke for an extra night feed though so I'm pretty tired today. But it might just be the way forward.