Author Topic: Talk to me about tackling co sleeping (Read 2304 times)

michaeljacknnugg · « **on:** February 20, 2016, 17:37:48 pm »

We kinda fell into this but I'll be honest, I love it

. There is nothing more delicious than waking up to that first smile of the day, or curling up around that little body at night. I make sure we're safe and DH is enjoying his full night's sleep in the spare room!

Unfortunately it can't last, at least not in the way we're doing it now. At present I have to stay with him all night - I can just about slip out for a toilet break but that's about it, and so my days are ending rather early! When I go back to work (Sept) that won't be feasible, but I'd be happy to have him in with me when I come upstairs for the night (dh may not be, we'll see).

I've tried a couple of times in the last week to put him in the bedside crib. The result is the same as it was last time I tried: he startles a lot and eventually wakes at the end of a sleep cycle. We've managed a couple of hours in there at one point but he's a very light sleeper.

I have white noise going and we've been sleeping with a lovey so that it smells of me. I would like to eventually transition him but very very gently, since he is one of those babies who gets more and more worked up by crying. I can't handle him crying, either.

So, I'd like to hear your experiences and advice. Continue to enjoy this a while longer, make small steps towards him sleeping in the crib or try him in there every day?

Katet · « **Reply #1 on:** February 20, 2016, 21:17:05 pm »

I know it's not BW, but I think if I had had another baby - esp when 2 eldest were 7 & 9yo like my friend did I would have done much the same as she did, which it kind of sounds like you do.

She co-slept in the early months & then what she & her DH did (mostly her as she is amazingly talented) was to design a sidecar cot that was the exact height of the bed & locked in next to her bed & they slowly transitioned her into the extra space rather than snuggled up to Mum & Dad (as it was all 3 in the bed)

Buntybear · « **Reply #2 on:** February 20, 2016, 21:23:24 pm »

We didn't co sleep when Olly was tiny but did more and more when turned about 1 I think it must have been (due to his awful sleep with allergies). It did lead to a LONG LONG time of sleep training - be warned - especially if you one who cannot listen to crying. We don't like crying either so it did take months

I have to say if you have a happy, healthy baby then i would start to get him back into a cot sooner rather than later. If only for him to get used to it so when you do decide to make the change it isn't such a wrench for him.

MasynSpencerElliotte · « **Reply #3 on:** February 20, 2016, 22:04:02 pm »

DD3 slept in a bassinet on the bed beside me...that way she was within arms reach but I could sleep better. At about 3 months I moved her to a tiny crib beside the bed and that worked until we started disturbing each other so she slept in her big crib in DD1's room around 4.5 months.

twogirlsmommy · « **Reply #4 on:** February 20, 2016, 22:36:02 pm »

DD2 mostly slept in her bed but between the ages of 11-16 months would end up either in bed with us for the rest of the night or for part of the night (we would fall asleep for about an hr or 2 and then I would transfer her back into the crib) The only reason we stopped at 16 months old was because when she came into our bed it became a game. So I would bring her in and instead of laying down she was poking me in the eyes or rolling around etc. I ended up having to put her back in her crib and it was a rough week of sleep training (dh was at his mom's because he had just had major knee surgery) so it was just me with the girls and we were ALL sleep deprived that week lol I don't see any problem with it as long as everyone is sleeping and that you are prepared to fix it when it doesn't work for you guys anymore.

michaeljacknnugg · « **Reply #5 on:** February 21, 2016, 07:29:26 am »

The trouble is getting him to sleep, and to stay asleep, is extremely difficult. That's what has got us here in the first place so while I can try to put him in the crib daily, it's not going to stop him from having this difficulty and will probably make it worse.

Next to me he snuggles in and goes off to sleep. On his own, even with me holding his hand or putting my hands on him, he will startle through the jolts and eventually wake up. I've been up since 5.20am in exchange for one hour in the crib.

The only way he gets decent naps is for me to wear him, so I'm on duty for all naps as well as feeding. Plus two horses and school runs, and a DH with a long commute. We've been ok so far but trying to get him out of the bed is the straw that breaks the camel's back, yk?

He does not want to be swaddled, tried that. Tried him in the baby hammock, too. Been reading around and I'm pretty well doing everything that's suggested. Feel at a loss as to how I can help him sleep? We are already doing what works, literally the only thing that works right now.

Jodes112 · « **Reply #6 on:** February 21, 2016, 19:52:04 pm »

I think if it works for you, and you are happy and comfortable to continue like that, then i dont see the issue with it. As pp said when the time does come to get him into his own bed you may well have struggles and a rough time, but thats something at least you will be prepared for.

We never co-slept with either of our kids, but when they are poorly they jump in with us. It really does fill you up to to top with love snuggling up to them. Its so enjoyable. So i would say carry on doing what you are, if lo is happy, you are happy, dh is happy. And tackle any obstacles when you reach them.

michaeljacknnugg · « **Reply #7 on:** February 21, 2016, 20:05:41 pm »

My idea of perfection would be him going to sleep in his crib at first, so that I can use my evening again, and one night feed. That would be amazing and probably not realistic for his age (15 weeks)!

I don't want to be doing him a disservice but not giving him the opportunity to practice going to sleep another way and then suddenly thrusting change on him; that doesn't feel fair. So I have months and I want to do something, even just in tiny steps. That said I do feel that I want and need to be with him atm, because of everything that surrounded my pregnancy I am valuing having him to myself and falling in love with him now in a way that I did with DS1 whilst I was carrying him.

DH and I spoke this morning and I think we will try a couple of naps a week in the crib, and one in the pram, in the full knowledge that they will be short and he will need to catch up afterwards. That way he doesn't always fall asleep next to me in the sling. And when it feels right I will put him in the crib at night. In the meantime we'll do some playing in there and try to establish a better winddown for naps than we currently have.

We have a good routine going, are working on bt routine (he's often too tired for this), we have a lovey and we have white noise. It feels like we are doing the 'right' things, yk? Maybe add in a bit of time and see what happens?

Katet · « **Reply #8 on:** February 21, 2016, 21:17:37 pm »

I think that sounds good, baby steps, work with what you are comfortable, lots will change with age etc & if you take small steps & work on small goals it will work

I know with DS2 I only ever worried about his bedtime & the nap he had while DS1 napped (so I got a break) & the rest of the time I accepted catnaps as our normal.

amayzie · « **Reply #9 on:** February 22, 2016, 09:45:22 am »

We didn't co-sleep when he was little but have coslept for a good year or 2 now at least... i'd say 2 years and a bit. He starts the night in his bed then comes in with us at around 2am- sometimes earlier and sometimes later. We actually really love it as we only have the one, and he;s only going to be little for a short time. It is precious knowing he is right there.

michaeljacknnugg · « **Reply #10 on:** February 22, 2016, 19:04:07 pm »

That sounds lovely Katy

. I didn't expect it to be this nice - sharing with ds1 means having his cold feet on you all night

.

Buntybear · « **Reply #11 on:** February 22, 2016, 20:49:38 pm »

Quote from: MJ&N on February 21, 2016, 20:05:41 pm

DH and I spoke this morning and I think we will try a couple of naps a week in the crib, and one in the pram, in the full knowledge that they will be short and he will need to catch up afterwards. That way he doesn't always fall asleep next to me in the sling. And when it feels right I will put him in the crib at night. In the meantime we'll do some playing in there and try to establish a better winddown for naps than we currently have.

We have a good routine going, are working on bt routine (he's often too tired for this), we have a lovey and we have white noise. It feels like we are doing the 'right' things, yk? Maybe add in a bit of time and see what happens?

That sounds like a good plan. You are going to be a big prop for him to break so it isn't going to be an easy ride. Although he may surprise you! It is good that you have the goal of sept (a bit like loosing weight when you have a holiday planned

) as really he is going to have to be able to sleep on his own then, or at least in a cot.

I do think that having him close is helping you process your own issues at the moment and so I am so happy that you are able to cherish and enjoy the baby weeks, you know that they go so fast xx

4isstillnighttime · « **Reply #12 on:** February 22, 2016, 21:15:57 pm »

OK, I know I post here all the time asking about my baby's sleep so I am in no way qualified to comment....but if you love it and it's working for you at the moment, I would carry on. My baby is still in his cosleeper and our best way to sleep is with our cheeks pressed together, his snuffly little breaths in my ear. If I didn't have the others to wrestle with I would keep him in my bed forever - in fact, if my bed was big enough and they didn't fight so much I would have all 3 of them in my bed forever! For me, it is a really important bonding experience.

You have to do what's right for you as a family, and the nap plan sounds sensible (and what I did with this baby). But don't feel bad or guilty for enjoying your nights with him! He won't want to sleep with you when he's 18....

athenasmom · « **Reply #13 on:** February 23, 2016, 16:26:14 pm »

We had a portable travel bed for DS when he was that little. &gclsrc=ds]http://www.target.com/p/the-first-years-close-secure-portable-infant-sleeper/-/A-530166?ci_src=328768002&ci_sku=530166&ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=bing_pla_df&CPNG=PLA_Baby%2BShopping&adgroup=SC_Baby&LID=700000001230728pbs&gclid=%5B*GCLID*%5D&network=s&device=c&querystring=travel%20baby%20bed&gclid=[*GCLID*]&gclsrc=ds We didn't co-sleep much though because I am the worst sleeper in the world ... but that's another story.
How about transitioning him into that first. That way he is in with you but still kind of separate. Then when he is used to that you can move it farther away from you each night on the bed. Then when he is used to being farther away from you then you can eventually move it inot his cot next to your bed kwim? And because it is portable you can take it for naps too.

michaeljacknnugg · « **Reply #14 on:** February 23, 2016, 17:01:30 pm »

We already have a bedside crib and a baby hammock, so we don't really want to buy anything else!

I put him into the crib once he'd gone to sleep feeding last night and he stayed there for a couple of hours with my arms on him. DH had moved it a bit so we felt more connected than when he was in there previously. It was nice to be able to move!

It did mean that he woke for an extra night feed though so I'm pretty tired today. But it might just be the way forward.

Buntybear · « **Reply #15 on:** February 23, 2016, 20:18:17 pm »

That is a great start xx

kyleian · « **Reply #16 on:** February 24, 2016, 02:27:56 am »

I just skimmed this but wanted to share our experience. Because of DD's reflux she slept on our chests until 4 months, and the only reason we stopped was because she wasn't sleeping as well and I kept getting plugged ducts. Then we transitioned her into the side-carred crib (which was our original intent, wanting to semi-cosleep) with shush-pat (took 2 nights of 2-3 hours of shush-pat and then after her first night feed she was fine in the crib) and she slept in there the whole night after that, with an extra feed for the first month or so. When we were traveling at Christmas when she was 13 months, she was sleeping in a peapod on the floor and it wasn't comfortable for her so she'd wake at midnight and we brought her in bed with us and loved it, short-term.

I love waking up with her in the bed.
She's still (15 mo) in the crib right next to the bed, though we've had the rail up since she started crawling at 6 mo. It's made night time disruptions like teething SO much easier because I can keep lying down but just stick my hand through the slats and pat her, etc.
We plan to do the same with LO #2 in September though hopefully without the 4 months of reflux.

michaeljacknnugg · « **Reply #17 on:** February 25, 2016, 13:12:47 pm »

First crib nap, woohoo!! Took a bit of patting and he wanted to suck my finger (way better than a dummy in his opinion!) but he went off and did a whole sleep cycle with just my hand on him.

Couldn't resettle but offered him a feed and he's gone to sleep feeding so is curled up next to me still. So my idea of this necessarily being a short nap is misguided. I'm encouraged to try it again.

michaeljacknnugg · « **Reply #18 on:** February 28, 2016, 17:57:21 pm »

Checking in!

So this week baby has gone into his crib for the first part of the night, and we've managed four naps in there. He's taken to sucking the arm of his bunny comforter to go to sleep at nap time, with me patting him.

The thing is...he still needs me there. If we start off the nap patting, we have to continue through the whole nap. He needs my hand on him when he goes in there at night time.

So it feels like progress, but limited progress. Early days? I know I'm taking this slowly but I don't want to shoot myself in the foot!

koe2moe · « **Reply #19 on:** February 28, 2016, 18:40:41 pm »

Helen, well done! I meant to come share our co-sleeping and transition to cot experience but still sick, had visitor and now DS sick in this spring break.

Does he sleep on his back and does it matter where you put your hand? What happens if you withdraw your hand? Do you perhaps have a small heavy blanket which can be placed on him to give him the weight? Or a cherry pit filled cushion?

michaeljacknnugg · « **Reply #20 on:** February 28, 2016, 18:56:01 pm »

Ooh, good thinking Koe!!

He sleeps on his side, generally next to me in bed

but when in the crib he seems to like being on his side with my hand across his hip area. I've got one of those wheat bags I could try instead; that would be safe, wouldn't it? I'm not planning on leaving the room for long but would love to brush my teeth later than 6pm!

koe2moe · « **Reply #21 on:** February 28, 2016, 19:11:06 pm »

Do give it a try. My grandma used to tell me that babies like to feel the weight either from tight swaddle or heavy blanket in the belly.

For DS we discovered from week 3 that he would sleep happily and stayed sleeping if he slept in his tummy. Of course I am not recommending it against the caution for SIDS. It was our only option or he would startle through the night. So in order to keep a close eye we had him in our bed.

The transition to cot was just cold turkey with shh pat and I stupidly thought I had to keep patting till he was fast asleep. You might want to observe him during the nap how he startles. If the wheat bag works, great. If not try laying the hand or pat to comfort when he startles, so you train him to get used to not needing your hand.

michaeljacknnugg · « **Reply #22 on:** February 28, 2016, 19:17:45 pm »

That's the next step, I think. He's going from all sling naps (constant movement) to this so I think he's doing ok, but needs the patting for now. I'll build up some more sleep cues so he gets used to what to expect.

I've found that he needs things to stay the same in order to stay asleep. Patting etc. So I'll try to reduce input from the start of the nap rather than remove it partway through.

koe2moe · « **Reply #23 on:** February 28, 2016, 19:31:55 pm »

Sounds like good progress in progression

You know him best. I hope you get some rests during the day soon. How's your recovery btw? It sounds like you are very active, so I think that's a good sign. xx

michaeljacknnugg · « **Reply #24 on:** February 28, 2016, 19:44:16 pm »

I'm very active, he's forced that! But doing ok, thankyou xxx

Hope you feel better soon!

trimbler · « **Reply #25 on:** February 28, 2016, 20:42:50 pm »

That sounds great

as you know, we did a lot of sling naps during the first four months or so with DD, just the one in the cot plus BT, we added another cot nap once she could manage the A times around preschool runs around 4.5mo. Progress was certainly faster once she was doing two naps in there, but also probably her age helped. For now he's making great progress, we also found DD needed a lot of help to start with, but eventually we could start doing less and less - I still remember the feeling of wonder and amazement the first time she managed to fall asleep without a hand on her - "look, no hands"

as well as the feeling prior to that, that she'd never manage it

Keep pushing forwards, being encouraged by how far you've both come

michaeljacknnugg · « **Reply #26 on:** February 29, 2016, 08:03:50 am »

It definitely feels like he'll never be able to do it right now, thanks for the reassurance Susannah!

Koe, your idea worked!!! He went until around 11 in the crib last night, hands-free, and even went back happily after a feed.

I just want to reiterate that I have read up extensively on co-sleeping safely and am following all the guidelines.

Shiv52 · « **Reply #27 on:** February 29, 2016, 08:11:01 am »

Hi all

We've had some concerns raised about the topic in this thread. I have PMed MJN and she'd rather the thread not be locked and is happy for me to write here.

Co sleeping is not something BW advocates as a sleep solution for more than a few days to get people through a difficult period.

Concerns have also been raised about the SID risks of sleeping with such a small baby. If you are ever to sleep with an infant you should follow all the extra advice such as no drinking, not if you are overly tried, no meds etc. But SID guidelines state that the safest place for a baby under 6 months to sleep is in their own basket/crib, on their back and in their parents room.

Tracey though I feel was a realist and always said until people were ready to work on issues or props then they weren't ready. MJN is obviously now looking at working at establishing some wind downs and sleep cues to work toward more independent sleep using BW techniques and we will obviously support her moving forward as best we can. But from this point advice and support should relate to that and not to discuss co sleeping.

Thanks all x

michaeljacknnugg · « **Reply #28 on:** February 29, 2016, 18:52:34 pm »

Thanks Shiv

Two steps forward and one step back, as always.

We attempted two crib naps today and got one. The first we ended up on the bed next to the crib, using all our sleep cues, but he was obviously going to get overwrought so I kept him with me. We managed to stop patting and then resettle at 40mins...for a whole ten minutes!! But hey, we did it.

Managed his catnap in the crib but woke as soon as I stopped patting.

Here's the thing though. He's been fairly clingy today during his A time, which is uncharacteristic. Related? I made sure we had a long relaxed nursing session, and we had some time together in the carrier while he watched me cook (mixers are cool!).

koe2moe · « **Reply #29 on:** February 29, 2016, 21:53:50 pm »

Helen, he's learning to sleep in this new way. Is it a gs perhaps? I guess as consistent as you can, it will make the learning process less confusing for him. We pretty much went cold turkey but DS only needed to sleep on tummy and he had a dummy then. Hope you get some good sleep tonight xx

michaeljacknnugg · « **Reply #30 on:** March 01, 2016, 07:21:37 am »

I think it is a gs, we were up so many times last night. Tried to settle without feeding but had four feeds I think. Which is a record!

He's slept this way before when he was little, just in my arms.

Anyway we'll try again today so I can at least lie down while he naps. I'm wrecked!

koe2moe · « **Reply #31 on:** March 01, 2016, 09:04:13 am »

Lots of hugs. It's so tough. Try the cot after GS. Feed more during the day, too.

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Author Topic: Talk to me about tackling co sleeping (Read 2304 times)