iPad struggles

[Chloevalentine]

My 31 mo lo had never used my phone or iPad. I just was always very set against it. But now I find that he's interested in the iPad in swiping and clicking. He loves music and loves to dance or watch videos of people singing and dancing and we usually do that on the tv but once or twice I allowed it on the iPad and had such a struggle taking it away from him. So when he asks me for it I just say it's broken. Any suggestions or tips on allowing iPads or computers for toddlers under 3?

[deb]

That right there is why I never really bothered letting my kids have either to play with, except in dire emergencies (flat tire, that sort of thing). Whatever I would have done before I had a phone or tablet in the house is what I let my kids do when they were that age: coloring, play-doh, water play - hands-on sensory-input stuff as much as possible. Yes, they like it, and they can truly get addicted to it, so even as you withhold it for now, it may be a few more days to break the cycle of endless asking for it.

I know my approach isn't the majority approach, so you'll get lots of different answers, I suspect.

[weaver]

I agree with Deb!

Neither of mine (aged 3 and 5) are allowed play with smartphones and we don't own an iPad.  The thing is that these things are addictive, toddlers have no self-control (as we all know ) and there are a million other better things he could be doing.  I only ever hear parents complaining that they struggle to control access to technology, particularly with the very young, so to me it's a battle better avoided.

[Shiv52]

I'm of a different mindset. I'm happy to allow access and have never really had an issue with limiting as it's always been the rule.  I'd do 'we can do 4 songs and then we're done and then going to do x'. And then just follow through. Probably young but can also discuss if there is any silly nonsense putting it away we can't have it again for a while. My DD2 had a speech therapy programme she'd to do on the iPad from about 3yo and was always good about putting it away.

We always followed Tracey's start as you mean to go on approach and always had boundaries on things like when it's time to leave the park or tidy up the blocks, same as the iPad. Mine have been used from very young with those boundaries and honestly we've rarely had an issue other than rarely.

At 7 and 5 yo now mine probably play the ipad an hour across the weekend and mostly it's making videos of themselves acting out plays. They watch some telly and my oldest got a DS for Christmas which again is limited but she prefers to use the laptop to make PowerPoint presentations...currently it's world war 2.

I much prefer to have things in moderation than not use them. We have rules though around not playing iPad if friends are here. We don't bring them to restaurants or anything like that. 

I think if you start young with limits it's easy to enforce them and make that a rule for life. Obviously if there is just too much drama I'd leave it. But I'd be honest about it. And rather than say it's broken I'd say I think we need to wait until we can put it away nicely.

[clazzat]

I'm of a similar mindset  to shiv - we have never used the iPhones or the iPads particularly regularly, but we have let them play on them from time to time on the understanding that they get put away when we say it is time.
We gave them an iPad to share for Christmas and we have been very clear on the rules - ie not before school,  educational apps only during the week, any arguments and it goes away immediately etc - and we enforce them so that they know what's what. If at any point (now or when they were younger) I didn't want them to play on it I would tell them so and that was what they had to live with,  rather than pretending it was broken or out of battery.  I do think that these technologies are addictive, but I believe that showing them how to use them responsibly (and implementing exactly the same rules for me and dh) helps them to understand where technology sits in our lives. I have also found that mine are falling behind their peers somewhat it terms of use of ict as I would always rather they were doing something else, so having some time to practice the things that they are going to need in the future seems to make sense.

[Shiv52]

Lol Clare!  One of Ms homeworks this year was to do  a PowerPoint and she was meant to know how to search for images and copy and paste!!!  I did think at that point I'd limited too much!!!   

[deb]

LOL Shiv. Natale's been doing Powerpoints since 2nd-3rd grade too.

That said, OP's child is only 31 months. Plenty of time.

[Shiv52]

It had been so long since I did a power point I needed to relearn to show her. She also said she needed a USB stick so she can present on computers around the school!

But at 31 months we for sure were working on the skills to start using fun things including technology and stopping when our time was up!   

[Chloevalentine]

Thank you for all the replies. I honestly don't think at this age that he's capable of really understanding what it means when I say only 3 songs etc then we put away so maybe for now I should just skip it. Maybe I'll just try some old school computer learning games. But at some point it might be wise to get him used to the iPad for when he needs it in school.

[deb]

Given how much he got out of it at his tender age, I don't think you'll need to worry that he'll need lots of practice before school. Seriously, like a week tops.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

They pick up on stuff very quickly. DD3 knows how to text (if I pick the right contact) and sends DH messages full of emojis. The only time she ever used the ipad (as a distraction while big sisters were getting haircuts) the first thing she did was find the app store!

Tbh though I realized I didn't give DD3 enough credit - she can totally understand what simple counting (ie if I tell her she can have 2 crackers she barters by holding up all her fingers to ask for 5!) so it might not hurt to try the 3 song rule etc.

[Katet]

It's a tough one as I see how much computer literacy children need these days & just how many are pro's with a smart phone at 2yo (not saying it's right), that it quite simply IS the world they live in. I was saying today at work even with the 2 years difference between DS1 & DS2 the use of technology has changed.

I think the boundaries children learn to accept are not about what they 'understand' but how well we are willing to work on them, is it more "I'd rather not have the tears as I teach him the rules (& at that age fingers can help them count) to 3" or is it the "it's worth the lesson" I know at 2yo with DS2 an hour of 2min timers (tears every 2mins) had him learning to take turns with his brother when the timer went off... much of it is about the 'ritual' rather than anything else.  Much the same as the TV goes off after a show, the iPad stops at this point & as long as you push through the tears the first few times you get there... it won't be any easier later because at 3.5/4yo they will have more will power & you may have other distractions that make it harder to enforce a rule, so in some ways run with the interest now & have the limits in place so they are always part of life.

[Shiv52]

Totally agree Kate.   The boundary for the iPad is just a boundary. At that age we were definitely doing 10 more pushes on the swing, 2 more goes on the slide, we'll read 2 stories.   And even if they don't totally get it what they do get at this age is mummy saying x is happening and it happening. They learn really quickly. I'm sure we were doing that from way before 2yo.  And for sure it's easier at 2/3 than 3/4yo. 

iPad is not something you need to be fighting a battle on though but you'll be enforcing it all over the show at this age so once its established it should be easier to impose limits on it if you decide to use it when he's older.

[Chloevalentine]

You've all made some great points! I think for now we are going to keep the iPad away as there really isn't much he needs to learn from it at this time. But when he is able to use it we will def enforce rules for sure!