Re-flux, teething and sleep regression. Need advice

[kiwi-mum]

Sorry in advance for the long post. Also my grammar as I am exhausted and to tiered to think straight. Truly appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and help me out of a hole.

I have been following the baby whisperers advice since my lo was four months. We have had our ups and down with moving house, trouble with starting solids, teething and traveling, but always managed to get back on track until now. My daughter had stomach upset right from the start of introducing solids, just getting use to digesting them and also intolerance's causing re-flux, gas and sleep disturbance. When she hit around nine months my plunket nurse wanted me to try increase her meal size because she thought she was a bit behind. This caused her to start waking again then during that she started to get her top four teeth come through at the same time. My partner was complaining about not getting enough sleep and wanted me to try cio, because he though that her sleep habits were more to do with my approach than mentioned hurdles. I eventually second guessed myself and tried cio. So it still didn't work, and I was worse off than what I had started. So I continued on with pu/pd when my baby wasn't in pain, but things didn't settle down like they had before. My guess is because of cio, 9mnth separation anxiety regression and the re-flux and teething again, (her bottom gums have been swollen for more than two months now).

..But onto what I need the advice about. Now that her sleep is completely out of wack, I'm a bit confused. When I go to put her down for a nap/sleep she will have a bit of a babble roll around a bit then lie on the mattress completely still and calm for about ten fifteen minutes. Then all of a sudden she will roll over with a new burst of energy wide awake!! it can take me anywhere for 30-120 minutes to get her to sleep. She mostly just plays/fidgest with her zip, feet, the sheet, etc. until she eventually just rolls over and falls asleep. Why does she go from being completely calm to active and wide awake. She is on a routine, half an hour before bed and naps I breast feed, do teeth change nappy, read her a book, then go into her room and sing her a song. Then I will stand with her a few moments, when she stops fidgeting so much and is calm I will put her down. She acts like she is over tiered but she is a year old now, after getting up at 7 she starts to get tiered at two hours. I have tried to stretch it out a bit  but she gets worse I feel like I am in a downward spiral because she gets such a horrible sleep during the night with re-flux and waking up has become a bit of a habit even on the nights when she is ok, that it affects her during the day. So I have stuck with the short wake period during the day trying to correct the night first. What do I tackle first? Her dietitian appointment is in two weeks, but I feel the pressure to improve her sleep. She is a really happy baby but I do notice bags under her eyes and my partner and now his mother are now ganging up on me saying that I flogging a dead horse, that her sleep issues are caused by my approach. She is coming down to stay tomorrow night and I am feeling like I need some progress or some way to defend the pu/pd approach. With the little sleep I have been getting my nerves are frail atm.

Please, please any advice is welcome.

[kiwi-mum]

It took 2 1/2 hours to get her to bed last night, and two hours this morning. It's been over three months of sleepless nights and spending hours by her cot during the day. Has anyone experienced a relapse like this and come out of it? I long for the days when I would just put her down walk out and she would go to sleep happily by herself. I am being told that I am flogging a dead horse and inhibiting her sleep.  The lack of sleep and constant put downs are getting to me, and to add to the complication it's possible I might be pregnant. I noticed the other day that I have been taking my pills a day behind for at least two days. I feel like my stomach is constantly in knots because I no longer know if what I am doing is right and I'm not sure I have the stamina to go on if I am pregnant again! As I said before I'm guessing that my major issue is that she is over tiered. She was rubbing her eyes after only being awake for an hour this morning so I put her down earlier, but it still didn't help in the slightest. Should I put her to sleep straight after her breakfast or should I try put her on a schedule to break the pattern?

[dache]

Hugs hun, seems you have a lot on your plate and you are not getting help with that.
First of all, let me say something that I`m sure you already know: when you have a lo with reflux you are in a survivor mode. This means that you do whatever is needed to get you baby to be comfortable and not if pain. Does this mean lots of sleepless night? Unfortunately yes. Your partner has to understand this, I`m sure you are also tired and want to sleep.
A few questions and I`ll post a link to useful links that have more information.
First things you manage is the reflux- Is she medicated for the reflux? What is causing it? Have you noticed when is she better and when worse? (For example pear made my lo scream her lungs out of pain) Teething is one thing that makes it worse.
Reflux 101 - General reflux information
Sleep and the reflux baby.

I know your nurse wanted you to increase meal size but if you think that`s making her reflux worse I`d go back and instead of increasing the size of the meal, focus on making the meals packed with as much nutrients possible. DD`s doctor insisted that I put butter in her meals but I refused and good thing I did because it turned out her reflux was because of dairy.

CIO and SA would be the next thing to tacked.
Research on why 'cry it out' and 'controlled crying' is NOT recommended!
Regaining Trust of Your Child

Next you need to look at her days-What does her routine look like?
It kind of sounds that she might be ut from what you say, rolling around, playing. But I can't be sure without seeing her routine.
EASY Log downloads
Average A times- BOOKMARK ME!

When you are ready to do the sleep training you have to be gentle on yourself and the baby. It`s a process and will take some time but the end result is worth it.

Another useful information, if you haven't already seen is the  "Know Your Baby Quiz" which will help your understand lo more.
The BW "Know Your Baby Quiz"

I know this is a lot of time and you need a lot of time to read and process, but we are here holding your hand and offering support,  ask anything you want, share all the frustration you have.

More hugs.

[creations]

Hello and welcome to BW forums

First huge hugs, this is such a difficult time for you, you have been through a lot and still having difficulty. I'm sure we can help you sort this out.
Thanks to dache for great support and advice.  I agree with dache about your LO sounds under tired.  A times for a 1 year old are more like 4hrs+ and some have already moved to 1 nap per day which means their A time is more like 5 or 6 hrs.  It might be useful to move directly onto a 'set' routine to get things in place in as quick a time as possible.

Hang in there.

[dache]

Thanks to dache for great support and advice.

Slow day at work JK. That`s just some of my bookmarks that helped me get trough the first year. This community has been an amazing support to me and I love that I can share that with others.

More hugs Kiwi.

[kiwi-mum]

Thank you both for responding.

I have been thinking over your advice for the last couple of days. I've been to the dietitian and have advice how to deal with that end of things. But am still confused with the naps. I think she is transitioning, but it's all so messy. I'ts like trying to put together a puzzle when pieces are constantly changing, it seems impossible!

Her normal day use to be as below, occasionally she would last a bit longer on her second wake time and wouldn't have the cat nap in the evenings.

7 W
9 S
10:30 W
1 S
2:30 W
5:30 S
6 W
8:30 S

I've always been conscious of her short wake times, but that's just when she seems to get tired. When I tried to make her last longer she takes just as long to put to sleep and will be extremely irritable.

Lately she will start to get tired but will get all hyper when I put her down to sleep. She did do this before but would end up settling eventually. Now she will do this then after about an hour I would have to change her pooey nappy. She will still rub her eyes etc. so I have tried to put her back down straight away, but she seems so overtired at this stage I normally end up walking her around to get her to sleep.

Am I giving up to soon when trying to stretch out her wake time? Is it normal for her to appear tired still even if she doesn't need as much sleep? If I was to move directly into a set routine what would you suggest? And with the SA I don't think it's that, I have already spent time with her on that and she seems to be happy in her crib, just not sleepy.

[creations]

Based on the info you've given, sometimes taking up to 2hrs to get her to sleep for her nap, and the EASY above where there is a 3hr A time between 2.30 and 5.30 I would say that you could move directly to a 3hr first A time if not 4hr (4hr would be the 2 you usually give plus the 2 you have spent trying to get her to sleep).
Something like:
WU 7
A 4
S 11-12.30
A 4
S 4.30 - 5.30
A 3
BT 8pm

Or you could go to 3.5hr first and see how it goes:
WU 7
A 3.5hr
S 10.30-12.00
A 3.5
S 3.30 - 5.00
A 3.5
BT 8.30

LOs can often look and act tired if they are in the habit of having a nap at a certain time, so she can look sleepy for that early 9am nap but not really be sleepy enough to sleep.  If you want to move to a more age appropriate A time you might see her looking sleepy, change the activity, change room, do things to distract her from it, an extra snack may help get through the extra time.  When she goes for nap she ought to be much more tired and settle more easily.  Sometimes with a big change like this there can be some OT type wake ups during the nap this may be for a few days whilst she adjusts to the new routine.

hope this helps

[kiwi-mum]

Thank you Creations

I'll give that a go. I'm happy to get up a few more times during the night if it means better sleep in the long run.

Will let you know how we go.

[creations]

Stay strong, it can be very hard work moving routines, keep supporting her and try to stay calm. I know you don't necessarily have full support (for BW methods) around you so it may be hard to ask for help but if you can then do. x