11 week old baby unable to self sooth

[jagallant]

Hello,

My LO is 11 weeks and has never put himself to sleep before. Right from the beginning my husband and I have always rocked/walked/sang or I nursed, him to sleep as these were the only ways he would sleep. I know he is still quite young but when he gets put into his crib he panics and starts to get very upset. He doesn't respond to shush/pat and even if we leave him for 1 min he escalates himself into a fury, so we pick him up, calm him, but then next time he is set down he gets upset even faster. He doesn't seem to like his bassinet, play pen or crib. When we do get him to sleep and set him down (supposed to put down drowsy but awake I know, however this is the only way anyone gets any shut eye) he either wakes up at the 20 or 40 min mark. And his naps are a disaster! He fights them and he has only ever napped on a human, won't settle in his swing either. While I truly love nursing and singing him to sleep, it's too exhausting to do it multiple times a night. He is EBF, a big baby and I feed him on demand. I haven't been able to establish an EASY schedule...he likes to eat often (he seems to be a grazer/snacker) and fights naps for hours. He is generally a very content baby, only really fusses when he gets gas but I am worried about him because he only gets about 13 hrs of sleep in a 24 hrs period and hardly any of that is sleep strung together.
Is he too young to learn to self sooth or is there anything I can do to help him? Do I just continue as is and wait till he is 3-4 months and hope that he has a developmental point that he can then self sooth? And is he old enough at this point I should be worried about creating sleep associations?

TIA

[jessmum46]

Hi there and welcome

I found with both mine that 11-12 weeks was a great time to encourage some self-settling.  Not so young that they really just need that closeness and help, but not so old that they have firmly entrenched props which are tough to sort out.  Around 4 months there is a bit of development leap - some people describe a sleep regression - which for some is when the effects of props can become much more apparent.  But you can go gently and take things slowly at a pace you are both comfortable with

Just before I make some suggestions though - is there any chance your LO has anything like reflux which could be contributing to unsettled sleeping?  Is he happy to lie on his back when it's not sleep time?  Does he always prefer to be upright for sleeping?  How often is he feeding and do you think it's always a good feed, or is it snacking/comfort feeding at times?  Is he vomiting or bringing back a lot of milk?  Or particularly gassy?

If you're happy none of that applies, what I'd suggest is coming up with a little wind down that incorporates some walking, rocking and singing (I'd probably avoid the nursing if you can as that can be tricky to un-do later) and then get him to a point of being nicely drowsy.  Keep up a nice rhythmic pat or rub whilst you are holding him (my DS liked a head rub and a hand on his tummy) and then when he is sleepy but not quite all the way there, put him down and continue the head rub/pat/whatever in his crib until he goes off to sleep.  You can start small, maybe one nap a day (first one is often easiest) and gradually over time do a bit less in your arms and a bit more in the crib.  Then extend it to more naps if you wish, eventually aiming towards a winddown where he goes into the crib fully awake and settles himself. 

When I was doing this with DS I found it helpful to keep a couple of things in mind - first to 'do the minimum', that is, not offering more help than needed, and second to remember that my job was not so much to 'put' him to sleep, but to 'allow' him to go to sleep with me there for reassurance if he needed.  Keeping the long-term in mind and celebrating small successes too was helpful!

The other thing that will help is making sure you know what a typical awake time for babies of this age is.  I would have a look here and for 11 weeks I would probably be aiming to start winddown after an hour or so of awake time, aiming to have him in the crib by around 1h15 or so before he gets OT.  This link is really useful - Average A times- BOOKMARK ME! . Often that really distressed worked up crying can happen when OT sets in so if you can stay a bit ahead, it might make things easier.

What do you think?

[jagallant]

Thank you so much for your great response!

I don't think DS has reflux..he is happy on his back when on his play mat, when we read stories, massage, etc...and when he does spit up it doesn't seem to bother him at all so this leads me to think it's not reflux...?? He will also sometimes fall asleep nursing if we are side laying, I'll nudge him to be on his back and stays on his back then and is fine for a while (until he realizes I'm not there it seems!). It's appears to be just be when we lay him to sleep that he gets upset. With his feeding, I don't feel as though he gets good full feeds ...sometimes it's eating/sucking for comfort but he usually legitimately is nursing every 1.5-2 hrs. And then due to his gas we have to take a lot of breaks for burps, so feeds do take a while. DS is a guzzler with a lip and tongue tie and my milk comes out super fast so he usually needs frequent burping and some of his night wakes are due to gas. 

As you suggested I am going to start doing a little wind down routine and shorten his awake time... I am sure he is OT, as he doesn't even get the minimum recommended sleep and is usually up more than 2 hrs between naps... Sometimes much longer when he fights the nap. As you said, hopefully if he is less overtired he will be less upset when he gets laid in his crib!

How often should an EBF baby be waking through the night at this point? I don't expect him to STTN yet but even 2-3 waking would be amazing!! 

Thanks again for your help!!

[jessmum46]

I don't think there is a *should* for EBF babies at this age as normal can vary so widely.  I think most, but not all will start to develop one longer stretch in there somewhere, even if just 4h or so.  If he constantly wakes 1.5-2hrly all night I'd worry a little that discomfort was playing more of a part and may want to look into that a bit more. 

How have the last couple of days gone?

[jagallant]

Hello again!

The nights have been the same, but naps are somewhat improving! With the naps, we try to wind him down a little sooner.. It seems to work in the morning quite quickly but then the afternoon and late afternoon naps can take a while... His naps have been good though, 2 hrs usually, sometimes a little more. I really struggle to get 4 nap in a day however.. 3 is lucky but 2 long ones seems to be more of a pattern developing. I know his naps should be more frequent but I'll take what I can get! With two long naps a day he isn't fussy come bedtime at least! With his night wakings he seems to just want snuggles and to nurse, but he is gassy during the day so it could be waking him at night as well. He is generally a very content baby... Maybe he just needs less than average amounts of sleep!?!? Hopefully as he gets a little older he will start throwing some longer stretches in there... 4 hours sounds so amazing!!

Thanks again.

[jessmum46]

Just checking in and hoping you are getting on OK