Author Topic: Bedtime shenanigans  (Read 2404 times)

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Offline Chloevalentine

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Bedtime shenanigans
« on: March 08, 2016, 01:13:00 am »
My 32 mo lo the past two nights cries when I leave the room at night. I go back in to see what's wrong tell him it's time for bed and a few mins later he's at the top of stairs.  He says he wants me to pick him up or sit in the chair with him and hold him. It's just odd behavior for a guy who always goes to bed no problem and passes right out. Any suggestions? I make sure I don't give in and do it but I just feel so bad.

Offline Katet

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2016, 05:03:08 am »
Most children will go through stages where they don't want to be left alone & want you a bit longer. I found that sometimes it worked to have a slightly later bedtime (longer story time too)  or cut the naps back (later bedtime worked for us as DH got longer play time) so they were more tired as then they were more likely to fall asleep faster & definitely upping the physical activity helped too.

Do you do a "I'm just going to the toilet I'll come back & check on you" thing, I found keeping on going back & checking made them less likely to need me as much too, rather than them feeling like I was going off & leaving them & not caring. Even now with my 12yo if I know he's got a big day the next day & he might be thinking too much about it, I will keep going back to stroke his back & check on him just to make sure he does relax rather than stay awake too long worrying.
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Offline Chloevalentine

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2016, 12:25:42 pm »
Well he hasnt napped in 4 months and he's nonstop all day long literally so by 730/8 he and I are both ready for bed lol. I do stay a bit longer and sing a few more songs but every time I try and leave he gets upset. Nothing really works. I'm just always nervous of creating a bad habit. The fact that he wanted me to hold him on the rocker and then when I put him into bed and try to leave he cries. It's like he's a baby again 😟

Offline cath~

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2016, 13:07:12 pm »
when my DD1 went through phases like this and needed more reassurance/contact at BT (there were lots of them!), I asked her if she'd like me to wait outside her door for a bit/until she was asleep.  It usually worked well and was easy to stop when she no longer needed it, she just stopped asking me to stay (easier than had I been staying in her room, I suspect).

Maybe see if something like that would help reassure him?
DD1 - 8 years old
DD2 - 5 years old

Offline Chloevalentine

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2016, 00:36:25 am »
I think I've got a real issue here. It's just so odd. He went from going right to sleep every night to this. Just doesn't make sense. I spent some extra time singing and talking but when I go to leave the room he starts freaking out crying and hysterical getting out of bed asking me to pick him up or to come downstairs with me. I had to eventually leave the room with him hysterical. This is stressful and upsetting. I have another baby on the way due in July and wonder how this will work.

Offline MasynSpencerElliotte

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2016, 05:31:06 am »
Honestly a lot of toddler behaviour doesn't make sense (well to me at least, I am sure DD3 thinks she is perfectly rational). Most of my toddler sleep experience has been set backs due to development that once they get through, they go back to normal sleep patterns. Nothing has ever lasted for months on end.

We have definitely hit the age of fears here, and our lo are a similar age - could that be the issue? I would just stop and take a step back and go day by day - if he needs you for a snuggle at bedtime it may be a temporary thing to allay his fears. Hysterical screaming tells me it is more than just goofy shenanigans...did you leave him to cry or take him out of the room to calm him? 

Heidi




Offline Haribo2012

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2016, 07:44:04 am »
My DS1 is nearly 4 and goes to bed beautifully, sleeps through no probs but this week we've had monsters in the curtains, feet coming out the wall, up looking for me in the middle of the night and last night floods of tears at bedtime wanting me to stay with him.
It's real for my DS as he's very upset, if it's just bedtime delaying then it's normally callbacks for drinks, food extra stories etc or to tell me something random  ;D
Their little imaginations run wild and sometimes they just need more reassurance....going back to sitting on the stairs (with newborn sobbing) was not what I'd expected this week but that's toddlers for u.
I'd just stay with him or stay outside his room.
Zoe


Offline Chloevalentine

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2016, 12:00:59 pm »
I'm hoping it's just developmental and it will pass too :(. I just can't  imagine that out of nowhere he's scared of something. The problem is the first night he did it I didn't know what was going on so I stayed with him sang some more songs and he sat with me on rocker and fell asleep then I put him in bed and left the room and he started crying so i kept having to go back in and then try to sneak out when I thought he was asleep. Bad idea. This went on from 730-9! And then every night since he wants me to stay and sit in the chair and hold him. I just try to explain to him that it's time for bed which means he needs to stay in bed but that I'll be right downstairs or outside his room if he needs me but at that point he's just hysterical. Last night I left the room and about a minute later he stopped crying but was walking around in his room light in etc and then went to his bed and passed out. But he was more "mad" then upset if that makes sense. Maybe I'll try bedtime a bit later?

Offline Chloevalentine

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #8 on: March 10, 2016, 01:03:47 am »
Night 4 and even though he cried when I left it wasn't for long. We went up a bit later for bath and took about an hour from bath until I left the room which is long but being that he only cried for a bit not too bad. When I go to leave the room he wants me to stay or he wants to come down with me :( hope it phases out real soon.

Offline Haribo2012

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #9 on: March 10, 2016, 07:16:18 am »
Just keep consistent and it will pass
Zoe


Offline Chloevalentine

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #10 on: March 11, 2016, 00:56:24 am »
Night 5 hysterical screaming and crying! I don't know what to do?! I can't just stay in his room until he falls asleep every night. Help!!!

Offline cath~

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #11 on: March 11, 2016, 09:44:36 am »
((hugs))

Sometimes you just have to though, for a while when they need you.  Then get back on track when the SA has passed.

Has his behaviour changed during the day at all?
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Offline Haribo2012

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #12 on: March 11, 2016, 12:37:27 pm »
^^^ totally agree, I find the sooner we tend to his needs as such the sooner things pass! We only had 2 days of messing and now back to normal.
The works can be scary for them now and then!
Zoe


Offline Chloevalentine

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #13 on: March 11, 2016, 14:03:55 pm »
But I found that the first night when I did that he didn't fall asleep until after 9. The past few nights he passes out shortly after I leave the room and he hadn't asked me to stay in the chair or hold him. I feel like when I did he expected it the next night. I think it will create a bad habit I know how he gets with routine. I don't leave him to cry and be upset I've just been telling him in
Just going to go in the other room for a minute and like I said he's acting more mad than he is sad if that makes sense.
Yes his behavior has been different during the day. A bit fresh kicking and hitting, slamming doors etc

Offline Katet

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Re: Bedtime shenanigans
« Reply #14 on: March 12, 2016, 02:24:01 am »
Yes his behavior has been different during the day. A bit fresh kicking and hitting, slamming doors etc

This says he's picking up on the changes with you being pregnant & feeling like he's not getting his needs met in the way that fills his cup. He's on the young side, but have you any idea of his Love Language, because it kind of sounds like physical contact may be part of it.

Also with the new baby coming along he may not be able to totally comprehend it all but already there is the bump that is the barrier to his closeness to you & his hitting & slamming doors shows he's "stressed" & that means at the end of the day he's carrying more emotions & that is always harder to get to sleep with.

Now rather than thinking about him as a toddler who you don't want to develop bad habits with, what if it was a situation with a child who was "sick" & was struggling to get to sleep or it was a friend who'd been having a hard time in their life... would you see their calls for your attention as a 'bad habit' - societies education of us has double standard, children who call us back at bedtime when they are physically healthy are manipulative, but if they are sick they are ok... but even as 2yo's we are already discounting their 'mental' health & saying it is a bad habit,  when the reality it is communication of their needs.

I totally get the "what happens when the baby comes I can't spend that time with him then" but this is now he is asking for your help & from a BTDT, when the baby cries & we go to them, but we leave the toddler because they are older we put a wedge in the relationship because we say (to the one who is more likely to remember) that the baby is more important & that's only really because dealing with a crying baby is about dealing with a physical need & we've all been educated to see emotional needs as less important, but are they really?

In 4 weeks time I have 22 hours of flying... the difference between me being relaxed on that flight is an Aisle seat... until that is confirmed (it's part of a group booking so it's a request but not confirmed) it's worrying me... I know mentally that really if I sit between 2 people it will be ok, but it's also a phobia & I'm struggling with it... putting me on a plane in seat A or B won't make me realise it's a bad habit that I don't like not being on the aisle, it will still make me sweat & shake, I can do it on short haul for 2-3 hours when I'm next to my own children BUT next to complete strangers it becomes different... it's kind of the same with your son he may not be able to cope with bedtime (SA or learning fears) on his own but when you are there he can.

Also solving it now doesn't mean it won't come back when there is a newborn... I remember sitting feeding DS2 with my hand on DS1's leg when he napped because DS1 wouldn't settle & that worked & I think it helped him feel I was still there for him 100% even though there was a new baby taking my time up... he saw Mum could look after both his needs & his brother's too.
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05