A little guidance 🙏🏼

[FPT23]

Hellooo everyone!

I need some help 

I am having quite a bit of a struggle here with my 3 week old (almost 4) son. Now, I am aware he is a tiny little thing... But maybe some advice to help ease us some.

First of all, a little information to get you lovely ladies up to speed. I am super familiar with EASY and everything about the books! They worked wonders on my first son (in time  !) ...but I remember I started later on with him, and learning about it all towards the 4-5th month. Now that I have my second, I thought it would be easier--- hmmm.... Sort of?  ....I brought him home w/ the ultimate intentions of, putting down awake and definitely doing EASY. The EASY I have down. Of course, his time is not very predictable just yet! All I can say is he takes around 4 naps a day and the length can vary usually 2-2.5 hrs but sometimes he wakes once and I help him back down. He also isn't nursed to sleep (sometimes and definitely on accident so I just let him lay with me) as we have been doing EASY... Ever since he became a bit more awake, (I'm aware of his wake times as well! So our time together is pretty short. Only enough for nursing, diaper changes, and a little nap routine I've set in as well) we've had to start helping him to sleep. I was lucky at first on a few occasions where he would fall asleep on his own after being put down awake.. Now, he requires more help. So here's where I would love some guidance 

Getting him to sleep takes HOURS and ESPECIALLY at his "bedtime" ....or his last put down of the day which lands around 9-10pm give or take. I know they say you can't "spoil" your newborns, but he knows exactly what he's doing. I ended up having to rock him for comfort. I don't mind it, and was doing the drowsy thing.. It had worked and suddenly stopped. Well, now he will shriek horrendously so and we are up from around 9pm-1am every night just getting him to sleep. I don't think this is normal. Not even with my first and he was crazy! Even times I nurse just to get him down, doesn't work. It's getting a bit intense. I don't exaggerate here... Hours. To. Sleep. He's a very insistent little man. I don't like or do CIO. I have responded to all cries and tears but I'm reach quite a bit of a limit... As soon as he's down, he's up. Screaming. We do the up, soothe.. Fall asleep and down... Then up again... It is now keeping up my other toddler as well.

Now I should maybe be grateful that he's been a decent night sleeper (most nights not all- he's had his days of course) and sleeps 5-6 hour stretches. What's funny is at nights I've heard him wake and fuss and settle himself? Go right back to sleep.

Please someone help us. I feel this is getting a bit too much. We've tried it all. This is the same deal for all sleep. We are going on 3 hours of trying and out of desperation, I am here as my dear husband attempts for the millionth time to get him to sleep.

Ideas?? Swing won't help either.

He is swaddled (miracle blanket) ...white noise as well and breast fed. Currently no physical issues that we are aware of..

Thanks!

[FPT23]

Any help would b wonderful!

Getting him to actually sleep takes hours. At which point it gets impossible as I do have my other boys 😭 Please help with getting this easier. 3 + hours to get him to nap or bed, it's too much and inconvenient. If he was my first I would have more time

Helpp

[jessmum46]

Hugs, as hard as it sounds this could well be within normal behaviour for a baby of this age - I remember just how tricky it was with my DD.  Felt like I was rocking, nursing, rocking, nursing etc etc for hours before she would go off   You really have my sympathy . Although Tracy said to start as you mean to go on, as a second-time round Mum sometimes you have to let that relax a little and just go with what works for now, keeping the end goal in mind but not trying to achieve everything in a day.  If you have a rough EASY that's amazing for now!  I'd highly recommend a sling or wrap for those fussy times, really seems to calm LOs down and also gives you free hands for the older one.  In a few weeks you will likely see huge changes as LO settles down more and is in a better position to start learning independent sleep.  I had some success from 8-9 weeks just trying one nap a day in the crib whilst my oldest watched TV and deliberately doing other naps in the car, pram or sling.  Then once that first one got easier worked on the others.  Overall you are doing brilliantly with two LOs!  It's a massive learning curve so go easy on yourself xx

[FPT23]

Thank u SO much for your reply Jessmum! I have been checking back religiously for some advice or support 🙏🏼❤️ Yes i feel so guilty and it's harder with another toddler around! I appreciate your kind words as they really eased my heart.  ..feels better to communicate w/ others who can relate and understand each other. Again, I appreciate your assurance at a difficult time ❤️

Yes a pretty good EASY, but not predictable by the clock yet or naps etc. which I don't mind for now as I know later he will adjust. The one thing I just would prefer to avoid is "nursing" to sleep. Only b/c it's sooooo hard to stop later and to break the habit is more emotional than say, rocking  :-/ ......calming him down is not the issue, though. He can be calmed easily as soon as he's held and will fall right back to sleep quickly.... In our arms or rocking. The problem is as soon as we lay down and he wakes, he won't have it. And we do this cycle for 3+ hours which with a toddler around, it's just not fair either.  But at bedtime we r so exhausted and staying up so late is not ideal for us. But I mean, 3+ hours!? 

...all of it caused by getting him asleep on us, and we put down, he wakes... And he's anything but calm. During the day it doesn't seem AS long of a process (but still, difficult) and I normally just rock. So I was curious as to why such a duration at this time of night? Or anything I could do.

Is there a way to help prevent or ease the sleep props or minimize them? Is "put down awake/drowsy" pointless at the moment?

I just need hope that in time it will ease as it is hard -- I forgot how it was. Just some guidance or any advice or hope 🙏🏼

[FPT23]

I've resulted to having him just nurse or "pacify" just to get him to sleep and again, it is something I would prefer to avoid 😞 As I mentioned above why.

🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[jessmum46]

At this age colic is common, or certainly a very unsettled period lasting hours.  Honestly I would do what it takes for now, your rest and sanity and whole family context is more important than slaving away at independent sleep.  With DD when she was like this I nursed, rocked, did whatever and held her for a good 20+ minutes after she eventually slept before putting her down. This helps to make sure they are in a deep sleep and less likely to startle awake again.  There was a huge difference in her by 8-10 weeks and at that point we were able to move away from nursing quite so much, though she still nursed to sleep or almost asleep at bedtime for a number of months. It didn't become a prop though . I think the concept of the 4th trimester is a good one for this age, babies are used to being carried and rocked and it takes time for them to adjust to the outside world.  My personal feeling is that props don't really start to become so much of an issue until the 3-4 month mark, so try to relax about it for now.  I deliberately wore DS for naps when he was tiny and it made life so much easier, but he was going down independently at nap time from around 3 months xx

[FPT23]

I appreciate your responding ❤️

It truly seems as props already as he cant sleep without 😞 He's very persistent.

May I ask your approach when u said nursing never became a prop and how/when did you start your independent sleep.

It's been rough :-/ so soon

[Haribo2012]

Hi not that it's any help to you I just thought I'd pop on and say your not alone! I have a 6 week old DS2 who doesn't nap very well in his Moses basket most of the time he sleeps on me or in pram/car seat. I have nearly 4 year old so at the minute were are just doing what we can to manage both kids needs and not get too overtired. Our day roughly is up feed, get myself dressed and DS2 in the sling and pretty much wear him until next feed so can sort DS1 out get a few jobs done, feed then into pram for a walk or car seat if going somewhere and pretty much repeat that until evening witching hour etc when DH wears him for a bit.
With DS1 I was very into good sleep routines and trying to get him napping independently but this time round I'm just having to go with the flow for now, aiming to get a bit more sorted by 12 weeks age.

[FPT23]

Haribo2012

Thanks for chiming in!!!! Good to know I'm not alone! ❤️ Thank u!!

Oh man we are in about the same boat then! I have a 4 year old. I feel so bad leaving him so often to tend to the NB 

Not to mention my NB has a temper! 
I just hope we manage something soon b/c it is a new challenge :-/

[Haribo2012]

My DS2 really struggles in the evenings with colic type symptoms and also has silent reflux so it's all good fun 

To top it off 4 yr old thinks it's not fair he's not in our bedroom so keeps waking and coming in lol...it's like musical chairs in our house all day and night!

Does your 4 yr old go to preschool or nursery so you get to look after just newbie?x

[FPT23]

He does but only 3 hours a day so it's not much.. I appreciate ur input. It's so difficult at times.

Jessmum,

What was your approach and around when? Also, how did u avoid nursing as a prop?

[FPT23]

Also,

When he short naps- what do U do? I feed bc I never know if it's a growth spurt or he's hungry etc. I've tried to get him back to sleep but, he usually won't and just stays upset and then it spirals from there

[jessmum46]

I think from about 8 weeks with DS I started trying for one nap a day in the crib, usually the first nap. I had a reasonable idea of A time so started a short winddown (literally just darken room, hold and sing twinkle twinkle and then put him down.  Left him to it if happy, or if upset I stayed with a hand on his tummy and stroked his head until he settled.  Always with the 'do the minimum' thought in my head but helped as much as was needed.  If it clearly was going nowhere in 15 mins or so I just picked him up and stuck him in the sling, and tried again the next day.  Won some, lost some!  It clicked around 10 weeks for him and he got much easier to put down most of the time. 

With nursing, DD didn't nurse to sleep for naps (I just didn't use it as an option beyond the first few weeks) but did pass out while feeding at bedtime, probably because she was rubbish at napping after a few weeks I was able to *just* stir her as I put her down enough that she might briefly open her eyes or stick her thumb in.  Over time she just didn't doze off quite so much after her feed.  We also introduced a story which initially I read whilst she fed, then gradually moved that so the story came after a feed.  It was all very gradual over a few months but my aim was always independent sleep, so we kept taking steps in that direction.  DS just wouldn't nurse to sleep even if I wanted him to! but he was the one who ended up with habit night feeds for a while - go figure hey?!

Short naps - well I just had a half-hearted go at a resettle but if no joy in max 5 mins we got up and carried on with the day, maybe shortened next A time just a touch but I consciously decided with another LO to care for, no great attempts were going to be made at nap extension.  To be honest having now done it twice - once with a rubbish napper/great night sleeper and once with a pretty good napper but unsettled at night - I think most of the first year is pretty up and down and things really only start getting sensible once they are on one nap!  Sounds like forever away but you will be there before you know it x

[FPT23]

Thanks for the help!

Yes seems long and seems to be going slowwwwww too

I'll keep praying 🙏🏼

[FPT23]

Question!

Could our long nights of unsettling be caused by late morning wakes? He woke at 5am for a full feed after finally getting down at midnight... Then slept until 9am

? Or no it doesn't affect them? I figured maybe a day/night confusion? His naps have been bonkers too lately as I mentioned but he at least goes down and get 1 long nap...

What do u think? Or prb not at 1 month old this would apply...