usually newborns need to suck so much goes away by 3-4 months?
My LO1 who needed a soother (paci) kept it for years. He *needed* it to relax. Having given up his soother, he nows sucks his thumb. The boy was going to suck something! I would do what works now and deal with later, later.
is it possible to self soothe or teach self soothing while swaddled?
Yes. Both LOs here kept the swaddle til 7 mos or so (they loved it) and learned IS by then, in the swaddle. Use it while it works for you.
Is it because he's APOP? Expecting to be helped?
Absolutely not, IMO. He's only 5 weeks, I don't think you can create a strong prop at that age. He *needs* help, he's only a scrap and doesn't yet know what's hit him with this big world. There is a period around 6 wks where they start to 'wake up' and notice the world a bit more and get OT, distracted, naps go all made, even if there was a pattern before. Also, pay attention to GS.
When does the day get a bit more scheduled?
I think what happens, to be brutally honest
, is that you start to try to put a bit more shape on the day and it works sometimes, and you wing it when it doesn't. I'm talking about when there are two LOs in the picture, of course. So you can put coping strategies in place: I used to start LO2 in her cot and when (not if) she woke, have everything ready to get out the door with LO1. I tried to always start the morning nap in the cot, and that way she was used to that as an idea. He's so tiny still, there are things that he will grow into, things he will like now, not like later. It's a pity baby-wearing doesn't seem to work, it was a life saver for me. I know some people put brown (?) or white noise on in the sling with them, and that helps (maybe on their phones? not sure). Will he sleep in a buggy?
When do earlier bedtimes fall into place?
I noticed particularly with LO2 that I had to implement an earlier BT for her. The first few weeks were blissful hanging about all evening chatting, with her feeding and dozing off, but as she started to notice more, she was more wound up at the end of the day and benefited immensely from having last feed (for now!) in the quiet of the bedroom and a quiet snuggly wind down and then into her cot. And me sneaking off downstairs. I had to do a lot of BTs solo at that point so I just blended the two routines, got them both ready at the same time etc.
Sorry, you've a ton of questions, and I'm not sure I answered half of them, but hope that helps.
