Author Topic: EXPERT ADVICE DESPERATELY WANTED & ANY OTHER ADVICE MOST WELCOME  (Read 1225 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline EmmysMum

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 5
  • Location:
Hi there...just had that sinking feeling when you hear baby's voice through the monitor at the 35 minute mark! Even worse than the usual 45 minute! Enough's enough! I had to register and post for some expert help please!

So, my daughter is 1 in a few days and for the past couple of months she has started waking up at 5.15am.  Just that bit too early.  I never get her up until 6am but still I'm awake listening to her chatter, or more recently, listening to her screaming to get up, not quite as pleasant!  Her routine was
6am Up
7am Bottle
8am Breakfast
9.30/10am Nap
12 lunch
3.30 nap
5 dinner
6.30 bed time bottle etc
7.00 bed

She has always gone to bed without a whimper and slept through but the 5.15 starts began to wear me down and so I decided to do some research and try and find a solution.  I read that the early morning nap could be her catching up with night time sleep and so the general idea seemed to be to push the nap back till 11 which I did, as well as pushing breakfast back till 9am and lunch back till 1pm. Also it said try and bring the afternoon nap forward with a view to transitioning her to one nap eventually.  I kept a sleep diary and brought afternoon nap forward to 2.45/3pm.  For 4 days there was a 45 minute nap in morning and afternoon and then she just started refusing afternoon naps completely.  Her morning nap was a bit longer at 1 hour 15 to 1 hour 40 on a really good day, but always she would refuse the afternoon nap.  I left her for a good 25-30 minutes as well in the hope she would eventually fall asleep but never.  It hasn't affected her WU time at all.  Disappointingly.  It varied from 5- to 5.45. 

So I  thought, ok. plan B.  I read about wake to sleep and started to set my alarm for 4am and go in and gently rouse her and run away and hope that would work.  Apart from a few random 6.40 wakes (BLISS) usually it was the same around 5.30.  SO if it was just this early waking in isolation, I would accept that that is all she needs but I know that the lack of sleep is affecting her day time naps-  or in fact,  that her lack of daytime naps is affecting her sleep at night.  There has been a few night time stirrings as well lately.  She is all over the  place at the moment but probably not helped by me trialling things all the time in a bid to FIX IT ( I'm a bit of a control freak!)  Her complete point blank refusal to sleep in the afternoon really upsets me as she is so sweet natured and it's started to affect her, she's rubbing her wee eyes all the time, very clingy and wants to be on my knee or held all the time.  I'm pretty sure that's cos she's knackered and wants comfort!  I tried wake to sleep on her naps as well.  I went in after 20 minutes and it worked a treat, she slept 1 hour 20/30 minutes !  Hallelujah!  (it's amazing how happy it makes you ha!)  but then one day I was proudly showing my husband how it was done and how i'd 'cracked it (aye right!) and I woke her.  It was awful.  I totally lost my confidence in the whole technique and now worry if I'm going in on the right sleep cycle and I'm so keen for her to get rest I daren't do it again.  Especially as she slept 1 hour 20 on her own the other day without my clumsy intervention!  So she is only having maximum 45 minutes sleep a day and waking before 6 every day.  Not enough sleep and I know it's starting to affect her as she is overtired.  NEVER have I had a problem putting her down at BT until these past few days she is waking after 45 minutes again?  Or grizzling when she goes down.  Normally she's crashed until morning.

So everything I have read suggests that maybe she is transitioning to just one nap a day, as she has consistently been refusing the afternoon nap for the whole of March pretty much.  So my plan is now to perhaps hold off till 11.30 and she can have a 2 hour nap and lunch at 1.30pm?  In an ideal world.  I'm just not sure because that cuts right in to the day as well and she won't nap on the move so that's me house bound at lunch time over summer BOO.  Is there a better way?  But ultimately whatever is best for her I'll do.

So yesterday, I thought perhaps 10.5 (occasionally 11) hours is all she needs at night so I'll try and move her BT back by half an hour then eventually (when I stop waking up myself at 5.15) it'll be a more sociable post 6am WU.  So I tried that last night and she woke at 8.15 on the dot as I think she was overtired by the time she got to bed,but she self settled and I didn't hear her till my heart sank at 5.15 this morning ...but amazingly after a cry for a minute or so, she slept till 6.40am.  Wonderful.  We went to Stay and Play and I kept her up until 11.30AM.  She woke at 12.05pm.  Disaster.  I am now totally flummoxed because I was going to try for one nap but that's not long enough?  Do I put her down this afternoon? But then what routine do I follow?  I feel like I am messing around with too many variables and it's negatively impacting on her rest and the poor girl is knackered.  So I have just put her down at 2.00pm as she looked knackered and now she is chattering away doesn't sound like she has any intention of sleeping.  She is dropping hours left right and centre and the more tired she is the less she wants to sleep!  Then it affects the quality of her night time sleep which has always been great.  I think the main problem I have now is that I have lost the courage of my own convictions.  Each time I think something is working then it doesn't work and the routine is all over the place, I just haven't found one that works yet for this stage.  If only someone could give me a definitive routine then I would just stick to it and know I was doing the right thing! PS it's now 2.21pm and she is still wide awake even though she's exhausted.  I just don't know what else to do as if she doesn't have a sleep this afternoon she'll be way too tired to stay up till 7.30pm this evening.  then I can't stick to my new plan, and it all has a knock on affect to everything.  So confusing.

I would appreciate some help please.  Sorry to rant.

Lxx

Offline EmmysMum

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 5
  • Location:
Re: EXPERT ADVICE DESPERATELY WANTED & ANY OTHER ADVICE MOST WELCOME
« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2016, 14:44:47 pm »
She is still lying in there chattering!  2.45pm.... Groaning and chattering, protesting and not sleeping.  When should I give up and get her up?  I'm never sure because if I wait until she is distressed and crying then aren't I teaching her that she'll only get 'rescued' if she has a melt down?  But then if I go get her up now when she sounds quite good natured and just a bit bored then I might be getting her up before she's had a chance to fall asleep....

Offline becj86

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 346
  • Posts: 10859
  • Location: Brisbane, Australia
Re: EXPERT ADVICE DESPERATELY WANTED & ANY OTHER ADVICE MOST WELCOME
« Reply #2 on: March 25, 2016, 09:34:42 am »
Hi, welcome to BW :)

I'm never sure because if I wait until she is distressed and crying then aren't I teaching her that she'll only get 'rescued' if she has a melt down?
No, you're teaching her that when she needs you, you will be there. That is never a bad thing to teach your child. Its actually a really important part of sleep training that LO trusts you will be there when she needs you, so important to respond if she's upset, even if its 5:30am.

Part of the early waking could well be developmental - she's got lots of big mental leaps happening around this age and that can trigger dreams which can sometimes be a new experience and can wake a child of this age. Sometimes with a leap, LO's sleep needs can drop pretty drastically then go back to normal in a couple of weeks.

I'm having trouble understanding the nap lengths, can you write out the last few days EAS with nap length specified?

This is a tricky transition and I don't know of any baby who's been through it without being OT at some point, so don't worry too much on that score. It can take a week or more to see a change in her WU time once you've made a change to her routine, so try not to chop and change too much or you'll not know what is or isn't working.

I gather from your post that you've read around the boards and the FAQs, so lets get those days written down so we can see what we can work out for your little lassie.
« Last Edit: March 25, 2016, 09:39:59 am by becj86 »

Offline MasynSpencerElliotte

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 249
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16048
  • Location: Canada
Re: EXPERT ADVICE DESPERATELY WANTED & ANY OTHER ADVICE MOST WELCOME
« Reply #3 on: March 25, 2016, 20:22:07 pm »
Hi there, welcome to BW! So nice that you joined up :). I feel I would be remiss if I didn't let you know that by no means are any of us mods experts (excepting of course perhaps with our own lo's sleep ;) ).We are all just moms like yourself helping out by offering advice based on BW and our own btdt experience!

Sounds like your lo is perhaps in the midst of a few things - lost of times around birthdays and half-birthdays there are development leaps and growth spurts plus around 12-18 months is when a lot of lo's start the switch to one nap. Oh and then the teething! Is that playing a part here at all?

I have to say after reading your thread over that it sounds like an ut/ot loop is happening - ie she is ut for naps but by bedtime is ot from not having a good quality nap in the day (those wake ups soon after bed were usually ot for us!). When we jumped to one nap (lol cold turkey queen here, all 3 of mine went that way) we split lunch into two smaller meals pre and post nap. Tbh I found it more freeing timewise as we then had the whole morning to be out and about.


Heidi




Offline EmmysMum

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 5
  • Location:
Re: EXPERT ADVICE DESPERATELY WANTED & ANY OTHER ADVICE MOST WELCOME
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2016, 20:15:57 pm »
Thank you both for taking the time to respond.  I am sorry I haven't been in touch but it was Easter weekend and then she turned 1 so we had a wee party!

I am touching wood as we speak but I think we have come through it?  In the end, I have resigned myself to her transitioning to one nap as well as pushing BT back half an hour to 7.30pm and she has been waking up at least 6.30am but closer to 7 ever since!  This is her routine now.

6.30-7 WU
7 Bottle
then play etc
9 Breakfast
Stay and play or swings etc
11 nap until 1pm is the dream but so far she is doing really well and waking about 12.40pm - my aim is to stretch it till 1pm
1/1.30 lunch
Go out for walk shopping/lunch swings etc
back home to play
5.30 dinner
play/story/ peppa pig
7 bath time
7.15 bottle
7.30 sleep...

TOUCH wood this seems to be working.  I suppose I was at my wits ebd..having a 'moment' when I wrote.  Let other Mums have faith that it will surely all pass....just when you think you have run out of ideas...something happens and it all changes again.  I'm really happy with the amount of sleep she's having.  I still try and put her down at 4pm if she looks tired but each time she just cries and fights it and so I am going to quit while I;m ahead and hopefully that 11 o clock nap will stretch out till 1pm then that will be perfect.

Let me know if you think I am doing anything drastically wrong!

Lesley x

Offline MasynSpencerElliotte

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 249
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16048
  • Location: Canada
Re: EXPERT ADVICE DESPERATELY WANTED & ANY OTHER ADVICE MOST WELCOME
« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2016, 20:48:31 pm »
Oh I am glad things are looking up! Really looks like a great routine the only thing I would suggest is to have some sort of meal prior to the nap - we broke lunch into 2 meals at this point, before and after the nap. The fact that she (from what you write) doesn't eat from 9 to post nap makes me wonder if she would sleep longer.
Heidi




Offline EmmysMum

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 5
  • Location:
Re: EXPERT ADVICE DESPERATELY WANTED & ANY OTHER ADVICE MOST WELCOME
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2016, 10:17:04 am »
Yes of course!  good idea!  So have a snack perhaps before her nap!  Good idea.  Thank you Lx

Offline MasynSpencerElliotte

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 249
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16048
  • Location: Canada
Re: EXPERT ADVICE DESPERATELY WANTED & ANY OTHER ADVICE MOST WELCOME
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2016, 20:59:50 pm »
I hope it helps! Fx for a longer nap!
Heidi