Please help!!!!!!! sleep deprived mom

[Vio]

Hi!
My spirited baby boy is 6.5 months. He is exclusively breastfed and very big for his age. We've just started solids by BLW, so he practically eats nothing yet....  During daytime he is on a 4h EASY routine, and uses a pacifier to sleep for naps and at BT. He "askes" for the paci and after his wind down ritual, settles happily with the paci awake in his crib. However, at night, he wakes up usually every 2 hours screaming and he wont take the paci. He just wants to nurse to be able to sleep. Some of the times he is hungry but others he just wants confort nursing. After that, he might take the paci and goes back to sleep.
I am sleep deprived and it affects me a lot emotionally and I feel totally desperate
I am thinking of weaning nursing and/or pacifier. I know that if I try to only wean BF, he is going to get really angry and not going to want the paci... I know he is going to cry a lot, even if I am there with him so that he doesnt feel abandoned. My question is, would you wean only BF and offer him the paci? (Hopefully he will eventually take it) or does it make more sense to wean the paci as well so that he learns hoy to self soothe? I dont know whether its worth making him angry if he wont learn to self soothe because of the paci (prop).
Also, if I use PU/PD do you think with this age (6.5 m) I can do it without picking him up? Trying to settle him in his crib? I feel as if PU will stimulate him more when he is so angry...
Please any advice is more than welcome!!! Thank you in advance!!!
By the way this is his EASY routine (spanish schedule)
8h WU and A BLW
9h E BF
11h: S 45 min or 1.5h
A
1pm E BF
A BLW
Between 3 and 4pm (3h after previous A) S during 1.5h
5pm E BF
A
8,15pm bath, E and wind down routine
8,30 BT
He starts waking up at 11pm, 1am, 3am,....

Thank you!!!!!!!!

[becj86]

Hi

It might help to have a read through this and see if anything jumps out at you: 10 reasons (other than hunger) a baby can wake at night

I think PUPD is inappropriate for most spirited babies, because it winds them up! Here's some info so you can make up your mind Pick Up/Put Down (PU/PD) - Everything you ever needed to know! PUPD is also not compatible with paci, so if you decide to keep paci, PUPD is not the method for you.

How does he settle to sleep for naps? How does he settle to sleep for bed time?

Its still normal for babies this age to need night feeds, so I'd advise against weaning NFs altogether. It is reasonable, though, to expect that he'd feed at BT, then not for another 4hr, given he does that in the day. Is there someone other than you who can settle him at wakings between those feed times so he's not smelling milk? Have you tried just giving he paci when he wakes to see if he'll settle without feeding?

I think given he's sometimes sleeping 45min in that first nap, you could try increasing that first A time a bit. That would make your night shorter, but I suspect your baby may not need a 11.5-12hr night so that would probably be ok.

[Vio]

Hi!!!
Thanks for your reply!!
For naps and BT he settles great with the paci, and also in the middle of the night after BF. The problem is in his NW he wont take the paci straight away, he wants to BF. DH has tried to go and settle him but just the sight of him makes him furious and he screams...
He wants to BF even if he BF one or two hours ago...
I dont want to totally wean night feeds, but I would like him to be able to self soothe because I think he can't and that ir the reason he wakes up so much... How you think I could help him learn? I am open to weaning paci too of it is necessary.... What do you recomend instead of PU/PD???
 BTW, I dont think he is teething or in pain, just can't self soothe... We've been like this for the last 3 months now...
I will try increasing A time 30 min before both naps and postponing BT 

[becj86]

I will try increasing A time 30 min before both naps and postponing BT

That's probably a bit much, just that first A time initially, then see if that helps.

If he can be put in his crib awake and go to sleep on his own for naps and can sleep 1.5hr naps, he can self-soothe.

I wonder if he's got gas/reflux pains? DS used to wake every 2hr when he had gas pains and would be most unimpressed if not fed but it just kept the issue going - have you noticed if he passes wind while feeding?

Instead of PUPD, I'd just lay a hand on him and sing/shush/say a sleep phrase like "Its time for sleep" quietly. Really the key to getting a spirited to sleep is to keep as little stimulation as possible and keep them as relaxed as possible.

[Vio]

 

If he can be put in his crib awake and go to sleep on his own for naps and can sleep 1.5hr naps, he can self-soothe.

Do you think so, even if he only settles with the paci??
That would be great news 

The problem is that during NW he is crying very upset and angry unless I BF him... Nothing will calm him: shh-pat, singing, paci,.... I was thinking of not BF him at least some of the NW (when it hasnt been long since he last BF) but I know he is going to get angrier and angrier and cry louder and louder... So I dont know if its worth... Should I not give in even if he cries? Trying to calm him in his crib, with a soothing frase and not BF him???

[Vio]

By the way, he does apparently have gases in some of the night wakings. He just burps when I pick him up... But most of the time he doesnt seem to be in pain

[becj86]

Crying and very upset unless you BF him suggest gas pain to me - there is a reflex that moves the gut along and makes it easier to pass wind when sucking and swallowing. I think given he typically will settle with the paci but won't at these night wakings suggests its not a paci prop so much as the gas or something else.

Perhaps try pushing his knees up into his tummy and doing a little tummy massage (with the heel of your hand over his nappy, move your fingers from his right hip up around the bottom of his ribs and down to his left hip in a sweeping motion) - he will scream about that too, but if its gas, it will help and not feeding while he's really upset and likely to gulp in more air should help too.

When he sleeps on you, does he sleep flat or is he upright? Wondering if he perhaps has reflux and you've been unknowingly helping him deal with that by keeping him upright these last months. Have a read: Reflux 101 - General reflux information

[Vio]

Yes.... That makes sense totally. During the day he has a lot of reflux too...
So, do you recomend trying to avoid BF some of the NW and trying massage, etc or to BF every time he doesnt settle with the paci  to help with reflux?

[becj86]

Ok, so the reflux is something that will make sleep difficult, the burning in his oesophagus when lying down means he's in pain. Milk soothes it which is why he's screaming if you don't feed.

PUPD is a definite no-no with reflux - like shaking a bottle of softdrink, burns and burns

Massage will only help if its gas, I think. Some general tips with reflux is to keep LO upright for 20min after a feed, elevate the head of the cot and do what you have to do to get LO comfortable and able to sleep, fret not about props. FWIW, with reflux, I'd keep the paci.
Here are some links about reflux and sleep:
Sleep and the reflux baby.
Approach to treating and investigating Reflux
Doctors and reflux - Things to keep in mind

We also have a reflux board: Colic, Reflux, & Crying

[Vio]

Thank you very much!!!!! You were a great help!!!

[becj86]

Glad I could be of assistance, here's hoping keeping baby comfortable will help with sleep for both of you xx