Nap nightmares

[beckycook1]

I am having an absolute nightmare getting my 19 week old to nap. She will sometimes nap in the buggy or car but sometimes screams and screams until I pick her up. Getting her to nap in her cot is so difficult. We have got into some pretty bad habits that we are really struggling to break. In the day she is usually rocked to sleep. If I just put her in her cot she screams and screams even after a little nap routine (story, sleepy music used at bedtime, cuddle until she her eyes are droopy and then put down awake). I've tried leaving her for a few mins, returning and stroking her hair, telling her its sleepy time but she is so stubborn she just keeps crying for ages and I cannot bear it. At night she sometimes cries for a couple of mins but goes back to sleep. If I rock her to sleep she usually wakes up after 15-20 mins and won't go back to sleep. I'm confused about how long she can be awake for as sometimes she doesn't seem tired after 1hour 45 and other times she seems overtired! I'm sure getting this timing right would really help!

[lauradj]

Hi there!  Could you post your EASY?  That helps us see if there's anything that can be adjusted before you delve into sleep training.

[beckycook1]

Hello

It all depends on what time she wakes up as it varies depending on how much she has fed during the night. I'll post an average day.

7.45am: wake up, change nappy.
8am: feed
8.15-9.15: activity, (play mat, watch me get ready)
9.15: wind down for a nap, sleepy music used at bedtime, story, into sleeping bag, cuddle
9.30: put down for a nap (usually doesn't sleep unless she has been rocked to sleep).
10.00: wake up, play
10.45: feed
11.00-11.30: play
11.30-sleep, usually out and about in buggy. Can be anything from 30 mins to hour and a half.
1.45: Feed
2.00-play
3.00: sleep. Usually in buggy as she will not sleep in cot at this time.
3.30-play
4.45-small feed
5.45-start getting ready for bed, story, massage, bath.
6.15ish-feed
6.45-bed

Once she goes down the night she is brilliant and settles herself. I can put her down wide awake and she goes off to sleep. In the day she will not self settle at all and needs rocking or pushing in the buggy to get to sleep.

[lauradj]

Ok, right off the bat I can suggest that she needs more A time.  Most babies of 5 months are getting about 2 - 2.5hr of A time.  You're LO is a week shy but it sounds like she's trying to tell you, "I am not sleepy!!"  What I would suggest is that you start by pushing her A time to 2hr and hold there for a few days, at least 4, to see how she does.  If you're still getting the short naps, try for 2hrs and 15 mins.  Go slowly but I think that will help.

[beckycook1]

The problem is where she has such short rubbish naps she does seem tired again very quickly. After about an hour and a half she starts grizzling and rubbing her face. I don't know how to get from the point we are at where she has to be rocked to sleep to her falling asleep herself without a lot of screaming? Is it even possible? I don't understand why she can do it at night but not in the day. At night I can put her down wide awake grinning at me and walk away and she doesn't make a peep and just goes back to sleep.

[lauradj]

I think if you can start with the morning A time, that will likely set you up for the greatest success.  If she comes off a good night of sleep, she'll likely be able to make it the full 2hrs, which is hopefully transfer over to a bed nap.  If you find you get caught in an UT/OT loop, can you take her out for a good long walk in either a carrier or her stroller?
Sometimes babies rub their faces and get grump because they simply need a change of scenery.  Could this be the case?  Have you tried switching to one more, quiet activity to see if she could push through?  I often end up doing stories with my boys close to nap time because a) it helps them gear down, prior to the actually nap wind down, b) it's stimulating but not too much so and you can easily push for another 5 minutes as you read the story, look for things, put the book away etc. all those things will keep her going but not push her over the edge (hopefully).

[beckycook1]

Ok thanks I'll try that. I've just start using the shush pat at night which mostly works well. Usually she is really sleepy and it works. i usually use it if she wakes up crying but doesn't need feeding. How would it work With nap times? Do I put her down and shush pat straight away or see if she cries and then do it?

[lauradj]

Yup, wait until she does her "I need you!" cry, then use Shh-Pat. Keep in mind that most babies will fuss and grunt for about 20 mins before they finally manage to fall asleep.  I used to have to set a timer to stop myself going in too soon. 

[beckycook1]

Unfortunately she doesn't fuss and grunt....she screams straight away. She hasn't got used to the idea of just being in the cot. She does sometimes lie in it and chat to herself but generally she cries the second I walk away...she's just not used to it yet.

[lauradj]

Ok, so if she cries right away, go straight to Shh-Pat.  Try different things if you need to.  My youngest preferred bum pats to back pats.  Some Mums prefer to hold their LO's and pat because it's a greater comfort to their babies and it hurts their wrist/forearms to pat while their LO's are lying the crib.  You'll find your best version.