Don't know where to begin with baby

[Toezilla]

Hi there I'm in desperate need of some help. I have a 5.5 month old boy and a 2year 2 month old boy and I'm really really struggling with routines. My toddler followed e.a.s.y as a baby and was absolutely textbook! He was such a content and happy baby so I thought I would try baby whisperer with my 2nd but it's just not working! He's such a high maintenance, highly strung baby! He cries all the time and is never happy. He doesn't nap during the day and when he does it's an absolute battle! I've tried watching his A time to see if he is developing a pattern before becoming over tired and it varies so much. Is he has a 20 min nap then an hour later he starts to moan because he's tired again, if he sleep for 1hr 30m then he will be ok for about 1hr50-2hrs.

He doesn't wake at consistent times in the morning because he can be up 2-4 times in the night. If he does wake around 7 he's never hungry because he has fed during the night. He doesn't and won't take a dummy and we have tried! Bedtime is hell! My hubby works shifts so I have to put both boys to bed alone 5 out of 7 nights a week which is hard. Baby wants to sleep about 6 but won't be put down. If I put him in his cot or bouncer while I sort bedtime for toddler he wakes and it can take me another 2+ hrs to get him back off which then throws him in the morning.

He is ff and has varying amounts 2-5oz again because he feeds at night he doesn't always take a feed during the morning. He will only go 3hrs between feeds not 4, again because he doesn't sleep well he feeds often.

I've tried pupd but it doesn't work. I can only describe him as a grumpy baby. His high needs have a knock on effect for my toddler. He ha a started waking at 5am when he does sleep through and sometimes from 11pm he screams and cries himself into such a state I end up putting him in with me to help him back to sleep. Toddler was doing bed 7pm until 7:30am no night wakings. He doesn't nap during the day anymore we find that if he does nap about midday then he won't settle to sleep until 9pm after lots of tears.

I'm really at the end of my tether and feel I'm failing both my boys. I would give you an example of out day but they are different everyday and there is no routine at all.

Any suggestions on how I can implement an e.a.s.y routine for my 5.5 month grumpy baby which also includes a routine for toddler??? Because our days are not consistent it's hard to keep toddlers day stable because of baby.

Please help me I'm happy for any suggestions, routine advice. I'm desperate to try anything because at the moment I'm failing my boys and struggling to cope

[trimbler]

Hi there, (((hugs))) that does sound hard No magic bullet here, I'm afraid, but I have a few thoughts/comments/suggestions to start with...

Do you think he may be in any sort of discomfort? Reflux, for example? That can certainly make it difficult for LOs to settle. Or gassiness? Constipation? Rashes/allergies? Teething?

What steps have you been able to make towards independent sleep? If he's in discomfort, if for example lying flat causes him pain, then we'd always advise to get that sorted first. How does he currently fall asleep, when he actually does? It will certainly be easier in the long run to work towards independent sleep, but obviously difficult with a toddler around. Would he sleep in a sling/pram at all? At this age, you could perhaps aim for one nap where you sleep train whilst your toddler watches TV, and then another nap where you APOP in sling/pram so that your toddler can get outside. BT will be difficult of course, I have no btdt with that age gap but I know many others here have, so they're bound to have useful suggestions

But please don't feel that you're failing your boys, I know it's so hard but it will get easier, this phase will pass, I know it feels like forever now but one day it will just seem like a blur and you'll start to enjoy watching them playing with each other, making each other laugh, and you'll know it's all worth it At the same time, know that you're not alone in feeling that way - many of us have and I've personally come here in tears many times and found wonderful support, I hope you will find the same

[Toezilla]

Thanks for your reply.

Discomfort - I don't think he is in any discomfort. He may be teething but not really showing any of the usual signs. He's going to the toilet fine so no issues there. No reflux or anything like that.

The only way he will go to sleep is in my arms with lots of bouncing, rocking and shush patting. I used to have him in a sling all the time to sleep when he was younger but it was getting to the point where that was the only place he would sleep and putting him in it 5x a day was having a negative effect on my back and hips.

He will rarely sleep in the buggy. For the last 2 weeks I have been out buggy walking with them. On the last 2 occasions I have walked 30 mins into town, walked around the shops and then 30 mins home so basically out for over 2hrs and he has fallen asleep when we are 100m from home. I have then pushed the buggy in the garden. He lasts on average 15 mins sleeping in the buggy. I will leave the house when he his coming up for a nap so the movement can help him fall to sleep but it never does.

Today has gone something like this...
Feed 6
Awake and up for the day at 7:30
Sleep 9-10 at home in my arms
Bottle 10
Sleep 11:50-12:45
Bottle 1:00
Walked into town at 2:30 (due sleep 3ish)
Sleep 3:00-3:45
Managed to get him back to sleep
Sleep 4:15-5:30
Bottle 5:30
Went to my mums at 6:00 - 400m up the road) change of scene as hubby was trying to sleep (he's on night shift 9pm-7am) and baby was getting restless (not ideal I know)
6:15 Toddler had dinner and bath, baby had bath
7:00 went home
7:10 toddler in bed (baby came up with us)
Bottle 7:15
7:30 started to get baby off to sleep (not crying or moaning, eyes rolling)
8:00 finally gave in

Night feeds vary he might wake 11:30/12:00, then 2:00, then 4:00, then 7:00. He might just wake at 3:30 sometimes 4:30 then again at 6:00.

I know he's coming up to 6 months and hopefully things will start to change and get better but I've been saying give him until he's 6 weeks, 8 weeks, he will settle by 12 weeks, lets get through the 4 month sleep regression, ok let's get to 6 months and he still is no easier.

With my toddler he didn't turn around at 6 months because he was sleeping through 9:00-7:30 from 11 weeks. He had no teething symptoms, his teeth just appeared over night. He weaned really well from 4 months and loves food still, he never battled naps and would sleep anywhere for 1.5-2hrs.

Whereas baby does 20-45mims kip if I'm lucky. To stretch his sleep out I do have to hold and rock and lots and lots of shush patting with white noise. He has to be swaddled in my arms to stop his arms flapping about.

I really want to put him up in his cot as I think it will be much better for him and much more comfy.

[trimbler]

Quick question - was he awake from 6am that day, or just a quick feed then back down until 7:30am?

My first thought would be to try to push that first nap out, at least to 2h A time, or 2h after the time you wanted his WU to be (ie no earlier than 9:30, if you want WU at 7:30). Ideally by this age I'd be looking to push to at least 2.5h, but not all LOs are ready - mine were always on the low A end of things. The hope here would be to encourage a longer first nap. Most LOs this age would be doing (or aiming for!) two long naps plus a late afternoon CN. You actually have three longish naps there, which might help to explain why settling for BT is taking a long time?

Sorry, have my own ill LO to attend to, post-BT NW...