Starting 8-week-old on EASY, having trouble with naps/routine

[nvdirtfreak]

Hello, and TIA for reading. I am a FTM, trying really hard to start off right to avoid bad habits later on. I just finished reading "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems," but I have some questions/issues that weren't addressed in the book (that I can find). I tried starting DD on EASY yesterday after doing everything "on demand" so far - I was nursing her to sleep and naps were in my arms - accidental parenting, I know So yesterday I started feeding upon awakening and making sure all sleeping was in the crib (except the first nap bc I had an errand). Our day looked like this:
0630: Awake (normal WT)- nursed then activity mat x45 minutes, then into carseat at 830 and slept until 1130
1130: Nurse then bath (she hates baths so I don't do them at night since it is not calming)
1220: Yawning, so started quiet time in nursery, p/d in crib at 1230
1235: Pooped and woke up, would not go back to sleep so changed diaper and started quiet time over
1308: Asleep in crib
1338: Fussing, waited 10 minutes then gave pacifier and she went back to sleep
1359: Spitting out paci, so assumed hungry, so nursed then she fell asleep so put in crib since didn't really get any sleep yet
-at this point, the paci fell out multiple times and she would start fussing so I repaced it-
1727: awake, nursed, then activity mat x1 hour
1845: Started screaming hysterically (no tired signs, just straight to screaming), so picked up to shush, calmed down immediately so tried putting in crib, asleep immediately
1930: Awake, nursed
2000-2230: Shush-pat 3 times, would not sleep more than 20 minutes until nursed again at 2230, during which time she fell asleep and did not wake up again until 630 the following morning (by far the longest she has ever slept at night)

Some FYIs:
She was not premature, but small (birth weight 5.5 lbs), but has been gaining weight ok
She does have reflux, is on Zantac three times/day
She always wakes up at 630, usually goes to bed between 2100-2300, waking up around 0100 and 0400 to nurse

Questions:
When she wakes from a nap with a dirty diaper and won't stop fussing, do I continue shush-pat or do I change her diaper then restart quiet time?
It appears she will not nap more than 20-45 minutes in her crib even though she sleeps just fine in it at night- how do Iget her to nap longer?
According to Tracy's book, we should be going 3 hours between feeds, but she normally does closer to every 2 hours  I have started offering pacifiers more often in case she's not really hungry, and I have noticed a decrease in "comfort sucking" when I nurse- am I right in doing this? Or is her pacifier use turning into a prop? She is learning to suck her hands, too, she just doesn't have the coordination yet to keep them in her mouth.
This morning she has only slept in 20-45 minute intervals again, most recently she woke up and nursed then seemingly went right back to sleep. Do I force her to try and wake up and risk overtiredness or do I go ahead and put her down since I know she hasn't gotten any real sleep today? I don't want her nighttime sleep to suffer.

Thanks again in advance!

[Scottishmummy]

Hi
Just to let you know I've seen your post but need time to write a full reply. Will be back on this evening when my kids are asleep and will reply properly then
X

[creations]

Stopping by to say welcome to BW forums, lovely to see another new member

[Scottishmummy]

Stopping by to say welcome to BW forums, lovely to see another new member

Yes hi and welcome to BW and congratulations on becoming a mum :-)

Firstly, please don't think you have done anything wrong with your parenting to date. Sounds like you have been doing everything a newborn needs- feeds on demand and lots of cuddles and snuggles. BW is about listening to your baby to get a rhythm that works for you both and there isn't a right or wrong.

So I'll try to answer your questions and see if I can help with routine/naps

Feeds: Advice on BF has changed since the books were written and a lot of people on this forum think Tracy would have updated her books if she hadn't passed  away. Feeding on cue is recommended for BF babies and every 2 hours is normal for an 8 wk old. If that is what she is looking for, especially as she is born low weight but is gaining well with that, that is what I would suggest you keep responding to.  So 2 hrly feeds are fine if that's what your baby is looking for.

Waking with a dirty diaper: I would always change a dirty nappy if it's woken your little one up.  It's a comfort thing. If it happens to me, I change the nappy in the bedroom, keeping lights low & then do quiet time again.

Nap length: Short naps are often development tap and very common at this age. There are a couple of things which might help get a longer nap:

Your first A time (time from waking to falling asleep) is really long, 2hrs+ is a really long time to be awake at 8wks.  She did a good nap for you but I wonder if she crashed from tiredness then was "hungover" with tiredness for the rest of the day, hence trouble getting her to sleep and the meltdown early evening. At 8 weeks average A times are usually 1hr15-1hr20.  So I would try starting a wind down around 1hr after waking (I.e. 7.30), with the aim for her to be asleep by 7.45 & continue with a similar pattern for rest of the day.

It's great to try for good sleep habits in the cot and using sh pat early, but many babies this young aren't ready to learn independant sleep yet. With both of mine I tried for the first nap in the cot but had others in the buggy, sling or in my arms.  If your baby is getting very tired from a poor nap day, it can really help to have some naps in your arms or nursed back to sleep at this age to avoid over tired.

At this stage I would focus on working out her A times  (how long to go between naps) and encourage an Eat Activity Sleep pattern.  If she's not so overtired she might not fall asleep on the feed so often.

Hope that helps as a start, pls come back if you have more questions.

[Scottishmummy]

I meant to add- her bedtime is very late given that she wakes for day at 0630. Most LOs this age can only manage a 11-12 hr day. I think the meltdown at 18.45 is probably because she's ready for bed. If she is waking at 06.30 I would aim for an 18.30 BT.

[nvdirtfreak]

Thank you so much for your response! After posting this, I started to really try catching her early sleep cues and realized she really gets tired only 40-50 minutes after waking - add in the 20-30 minutes it takes her to fall asleep, and she is right at the 1-1.25 hr range. So I have been putting her down a LOT earlier and I think it is helping. I also think she is over stimulated during her wake times, so instead of plopping her on the activity mat every time, I've been holding her and showing her a toy or a book. She still only slept for 45 minutes at a time yesterday, but went down at 2000 (I know the 2100-2300 bedtime is super late) and slept for 9 hours! I tried to dream feed her at 10, but she wouldn't wake up. She finally woke up at 0515 to nurse and went right back to sleep until 0739. Then:

0830: Asleep, but started fussing at 0843 so shush-pat until back asleep at 0903, fussing again at 0943 so shush-pat until back to sleep at 0948
1013: Awake, nursed
1055: Fussing, so started quiet time, asleep at 1130 but then slept until 1336! I had to wake her up to eat!
1336: Awake and nurse
1435: Quiet time, asleep at 1442
1507: Fussing, so shush-pat until 1530
1555: Awake and nurse
1635: Quiet time, asleep at 1647
1650: Fussing, currently shush-patting

So she had one really good nap, but otherwise today has still been short naps even with the decreased A time and decreased stimulation

I have read a couple of other places that suggested only aiming for crib naps at this age for 1-2 naps/day, as well, but I worry that will not be consistent. At what point should I aim for having all of her naps in the crib? Does it matter which nap (s) I do in my arms? Say, the last nap of the day to try and resolve any over tiredness before putting down for the night?

I am also confused on pacifier use - my husband has given her the paci when she wakes up from a short nap and it settles her immediately, but she will fuss again when it falls out. I know that, by Tracy's definition, this makes it a prop, but I feel that such a young newborn should have her sucking needs met. Of course, I don't want to be replacing a paci every few minutes, either, or to develop bad habits during the day that will interfere with her night sleeping. What do you suggest?

Thanks again for all your wonderful advice!

[Scottishmummy]

I'm so glad that you've found the shorter A times and reduced stimulation helped, at least for the first nap.  Stimulation level is a big thing for naps,that often gets overlooked, so it's great to be aware of it.

If her wake for the day is closer to 10am, then the later bedtime should be ok. You're aiming for an 11-12 hr day. She might have done a longer night last night (20.00-10am) as a catch up.

I'm having a little trouble working out how your day went bear with me while I think "aloud":
It looks like you got a good long morning nap with about 1hr15 total A time, which included quite a long wind down & time to get to sleep (about 30 mins?) Is that right?
Then the next nap was after around 1hr5min A time as she fell asleep much quicker?
But that was a short nap but you resettled after 25min of sh-pat and got another 25mims from her?
You started next quiet time after 40min awake?

I think it looks like 1hr15 total A time might be about right for your DD to get a good nap.
I think your subsequent naps are shorter as you've given her shorter A times, so she's waking earlier.  It might be that on these occasions you've reduced stimulation too much (!) and she's giving tired cues because she's bored and falling asleep early but not tired enough for a good nap.

Some babies need a really fine balance of A time, stimulation level and length of WD (quiet time).
I think your quiet morning worked as she was maybe on catch up from being OT?
What I tried with both mine is first working out A time, then working out the balance of stimulation and quiet needed. So maybe feed on waking, then do more active, stimulating stuff (especially after a good long nap) and then quieter activity then wind down to sleep around 1hr15?

As for crib vs AP naps- I'd choose the nap that's easiest to get in the crib (looking at your routine it looks like that's the first one) and try to consistently have that in the crib. I have never worried about AP-ing the last nap with either of my 2 as that is often the hardest nap to get as they're a bit OT and OS from the day, but also the first nap they drop.  Some people choose to have the 2nd nap in a buggy or sling so they can get out the house. I have tried to have mine napping at home all naps in the crib between 4-6 months as that's when sleep patterns change and is a key time for reaching independant sleep.

I'm sorry I don't have any experience with pacis.  I'll try to find someone who does 

Xxx

[creations]

I can jump in with a little help on the paci.
Yes what you are doing is not what Tracy suggested (she suggested sucking until the strong suck eases off then removing so baby falls to sleep without it), however as with everything else we all tend to adapt Tracy's methods and advice.
The SIDS guides suggest there may be increased protection for baby if they use a paci, but that a baby who is used to using a paci for all sleeps should not be stopped from using it cold turkey under 6 months.
Replacing a paci all night long is going to be exhausting for you at some point but eventually baby reaches 6 months and either you wean the paci (if it's a problem) or wait a bit longer and she can re-plug herself.
I do think there is a great deal of personal preference around paci use.  Perhaps have a think about the benefits the paci might offer as well as the down side of re-plugging and have a chat with your DH about how you want to mmove forward.

If you need more advice on this we can get some more experience of paci use here. Mine refused a paci, out and out refused so my decision was a simple one, I know for some people it can be a tough one to choose though.

[nvdirtfreak]

Thank you for the response re: paci use. She has started sucking on her hands, so I think we'll hold out trying not to use it. I know they are now saying that paci use decreases SIDS, but I think I will be healthier for everyone if I am not a complete zombie from continuously replacing it. If she weren't sucking on her hands and often using me as a pacifier during the day I would probably think differently.

On our routine - thanks again for your input. We put her down at 1900 last night since her usual wake time is 0630 and that seemed to work great. She also did the dream feed this time at 2230, then woke for a feed at 0230, then woke up for the day at her usual 0630. She usually wakes around 0400-0500 for a feed, so I'm glad she seems to have dropped that one. I also started offering both breasts when nursing yesterday and she has been taking both sides pretty consistently, which I think is also helping with sleep.

I think she is pretty exhausted today, she is not tolerating hardly any A time:
0630: wake, nurse, diaper change, then laying on changing area quietly looking around (just talked to her, not really "playing")
0710: started crying, so started W/D (never even left nursery)
0720: P/D in crib and walked away, asleep immediately
0830: wake, nurse, diaper change - attempted to bring her out to living room for A time but turned away from toy almost immediately and burrowed into my neck so took her back into nursery for W/D
0900: P/D in crib, asleep immediately again
1100: had to wake her up (don't want her to be up all night!), then nurse and diaper change
1115: tolerated about 10 minutes of A time in living room, then W/D
1145: P/D in crib, fussed twice then asleep

I'm sure she's still recovering from our weekend of crap naps and OT and OS, so we'll see what later today and onward brings! Overall, though, I'm feeling a lot more confident (easy to say when DD is going down without a fight lol).

If she starts fighting naps later in the day or after she recovers, I will probably do like you mentioned and just really focus on getting those first 2 naps in the crib, but using sling or carseat for the others (especially the last)- she sleeps really well with bothers of these methods, I'm assuming because of the reflux. I've seen this suggested elsewhere, too, so hopefully we can just "phase out" the AP naps later on (or continue to use them as we go somewhere nearly every day and I always have chores to do where she can hang out in the sling). I read somewhere today that 3-4 months is really the "golden time" for really setting a good routine/schedule for naps, so I no longer think we're "falling behind" or setting ourselves up for failure/bad habits.

Feeling much better abut everything overall. Thank you so much for all your input, please feel free to add any other insights you might have

[Scottishmummy]

You sound really positive, I'm really pleased you are feeling happier and more confidant. You're listening to your baby, getting to know her & her cues & responding to her & that's what BW is all about