Lots of great advice from pps already, especially Deb, I truly believe in family meals, it's a time for coming together to be with one another as much as it is about eating food. Maybe this is a time for an overhaul of the food approach for the family?
Some things which came to mind:
- instead of cookies maybe batch cook some oaty chews (a bit like cookies or flap jack but made without sugar and with dried fruits) or pancakes, or mini muffins (sugar free, with fruit and veg to sweeten, for instance sweet potato and sultana muffins) these can be batch cooked if you have a day off work then frozen and just lift a few out the night before to defrost over night and they are ready to serve in the morning.
- bread and pasta my approach would be if you can expand on the types of bread/pasta for a picky eater it is one step towards trying other foods so pitta, naan, chapati, bread rolls, tortilla, crumpets, scones... those kind of baked goods which are a bit similar but a bit different, willingness to give it a go and then discover that it is not too different from an already familiar food can be quite motivating in then moving on to try something else. You might then try fried bread, toast fingers, eggy bread, cheese grilled on bread and cut into fingers. A quesedilla which could be a small amount of tomato puree with a small amount of grated or sliced cheese folded in half and dry fried to melt the cheese, when it cools down it makes a kind of sandwich which is stuck together so you can slice it into wedges or fingers. Just some little variety to 'bread'.
- cheese, same thing really if he eats parmasan then try out some other cheeses, yes the nutritional aspect may not be hugely different but simply having a not-too-different food may be a step towards trying new things
- fried foods, well often these can be oven baked as a healthier alternative but toddlers usually need some higher fats anyway so I was not too concerned about food being fried more so I would think about what food it was. Tempura vegetables might be an option here? Basically veggies which are dipped in a light batter and deep fried (I don't have deep fryer but the odd time I need to do something like this I use about half an inch of oil in a non-stick pan), yes it might not be the healthiest but a deep fried green bean or apple slice is quite a step forward for a LO who won't eat fruit and vegetables and is reluctant with eat solids.
- fruit, how about trying some lightly steamed pear or apple wedges? He may prefer the flavour and texture if it is cooked rather than raw and the cooked flavour may be more similar to that of the puree he is used to? You can also oven bake pear and apple wedges almost like "fries" (in the UK we can them chips), whilst it might not be standard family meals it offer a step closer to eating solids rather than purees.
- veggies, again I would try some of the veg he is used to eating in puree form, so he gets the same flavour but in a different form. I'm not sure which veg he has as purees, if you wanted to list some we might have ideas how to cook/serve them differently to make that move from puree to solids. Just as an example, peas can be made into little patties or pancakes and if he accepts pancake because it is bread-like and because you switch to pancakes instead of cookies for breakfast then it might be possible to make a shift to pea pancakes. Whilst I'm not a big fan of hiding veg and do think children need to learn to be comfortable with veg for the way veg looks and tastes, I also feel it's ok to take these sorts of small steps in offering foods of different flavours.
- meat. You mentioned processed meats. My LO was not a meat fan at all and I looked to other proteins to balance his diet (bean fritters or burgers like those little pancakes, lentils, eggs...) but I discovered he would eat fish fingers (the frozen shop bought kind, I was able to get a brand with very little added which made me feel less repulsed) but I was determined to move towards 'proper fish' I had some real surprises for instance that fried sprats (those little tiny fish which are hard fried, they are crunchy) he would eat 2 or 3, with fins heads tail everything! I was also willing to prepare home made fish fingers and experimenting with the crumb on the outside so that I could serve different types of fish and move him from the shop bought kind to the more natural home made kind. Rather than processed meats you might think of alternatives, roast meats which can be very thinly sliced, boiled chicken which is soft, meat balls which can be a bit like sausage.
I know you are home late, that is very hard to be making dinner after a long day and such. There are already some ideas about different types of meals for each night or preparing ahead etc from pps. I want to add to that, not *all* healthy meals take a long time to prepare and cook. It may also be that if your DS has had a variety of foods during the day he doesn't need a big balanced meal in the evening, many LOs don't have a big appetite in the evening anyway so at that time maybe just pasta is fine for your DS.
It is difficult for me to give DS enough responsibilites. Food is just one of the field. It seems to me that in this forums mums considers their toddlers much more capable than I am.
I imagine part of spoon feeding is feeling you are doing something motherly for your son, giving him time attention and care. I imagine he also enjoys the time you spend together, focused on one another's faces and communicating whilst you spoon feed him. That closeness may be hard to give up, for both of you, perhaps knowing that him self feeding does not have to mean any reduction in time together in love and care shown and mothering desire to "feed" your child may help you both to move forward. This is why it is so important to sit with him, to continue to look at his face and communicate and continue that bond and closeness. I often give my DS a big cuddle just before we sit down at the dining table and often another right after the meal, I have never spoon fed him but have always paid him a lot of attention in the food I serve and the way we communicate during meals.