21mo with sudden separation anxiety at sleep times

[kamada]

Hi ladies. I could really use some help with my little guy's sleep. He was previously an independent sleeper for nap and bedtime but for nearly 3 weeks now he has been very anxious and clingy, crying for me if I put him in bed and leave the room. He's waking several times a night and wanting me to stay while he falls asleep, so I ended up sleeping on a mattress in his room. It's now at the point where I'm wondering if it's actually going to fix itself on its own as I assumed it would. I've progressed from sitting right beside his bed when he falls asleep to now outside his room (but must be in sight or he's not having it!). The last couple of days I've left him for his nap and he's been fine after a little grizzle, so I'm hoping things are Ok there. But bedtime/overnight is still a mess. instead of sleeping in his room once he wakes I'm trying to just sit there for a bit and then head back to my bed, but of course either way he expects me to still be there when he next wakes. I'm so tired that it's hard not to just go with it at the time,  but I so badly want to go back to sleeping all night long in my bed. He's also waking at 6/6.30 these days when it was previously 7/7.30. He naps 12.30-3 (I wake him) or 2x week 12.15/12.30-2.15. He's been doing this awhile, maybe time to reduce all naps to 2hr? Bedtime is 7.30. I appreciate any ideas you might have. Thanks xx

[jessmum46]

Where is he at with his teeth?  Canines and molars have both caused total havoc with SA behaviour and lots of NWs here, worth considering? 

[4isstillnighttime]

This sporadically happens with one of mine. No idea why. I tend to just go with it and either sleep in with him or let him come into my bed. He is terrified, sweaty and really distressed so I assume it's nightmares or something. Then, when he isn't upset any more (and it's just a habit!) I do a GW combined with a sticker if he stays in bed all night. We've had about 3 episodes over the last year but they are getting shorter - just a few days this time.

[kamada]

Thanks. Yes, I feel like I've been responding to his needs by going along with it, but it does seem like it's becoming a habit now! Cheeky monkey is actually saying "Mummy sit here" and pointing to his floor, before I leave the room.

Jessmum, he was quite early with all his teeth- it's probably been a year since he got the last ones so I guess it could be the 2yr molars early?? I can't see anything, but maybe they're on the move. Though I thought the same with DS1 and he didn't get them until he was 2.5yrs, so who knows!

[kamada]

Any thoughts on how to improve the situation? Nap time is still mostly going Ok with putting him down and leaving the room, though he has occasionally woken quite early which is unusual for him. Bedtime is still a mess, I'm still in the hallway and can't leave until he's fully asleep and he's not happy about this at all. Overnight is variable. He's still waking a couple of times and starting the day early. I've managed to pull his blankets up and then sneak straight back to my own bed a couple of times but more often than not I'm having to wait for him to fall asleep again first.

[HenaV]

Hi there,

Given that your LO was an independent sleeper and you know that he can sleep independently, and having ruled out teeth/poorliness/pain, how would WI/WO?

I know with my DD, between this age and around 3years, we had a few spells, no don't leave which after a a few days started to feel like a bit of a habit and WI/WO fixed it for us.

In terms of cutting the nap/EW, can you post your LO's day - might help to figure out why your LO is waking earlier that he was. Also, could the stay with me be UT, and so is being a monkey?

HTH

Hena

[4isstillnighttime]

Yy WIWO - I do that now with my twins. "I'm just popping downstairs to put the washing in" or something, then I pop up a few times and give them a kiss and they go to sleep eventually. Or I just potter around their rooms then potter out!!

[kamada]

Thanks for your replies. His day now is typically
WU approx 6.20. Usually cranky. I try to keep him in bed/room until 6.45 if possible.
Nap 12.30-3 (I wake him) or Mon and Wed 12.15/12.30-2.15.
Bedtime 7.30, takes around 20 mins to settle

Routine was exactly the same before all this except he was waking happy around 7/7.30 and falling asleep independently quite quickly. I don't think he's UT at bedtime. Mostly he seems to want the reassurance that I'm there, rather than trying to engage with me to put off falling asleep.

We started trying WI/WO before I resorted to sitting in his room (now hallway) but stopped because he was just so upset and so loud. DS1s bedroom is just across the hall and he can't sleep with the noise (he is an overtired cranky mess at the moment thanks to all this). I guess we could try again consistently, but would that mean doing the same overnight too? I'm a bit worried about the loss of sleep for everyone. And is it ok to do WI/WO if he is still genuinely upset/anxious?

[jessmum46]

Sorry just to reply to the above - DS was also an early teether and had all his 2y molars through by 22 months....

To me this sounds like a bit of developmental/discomfort and having gotten OT as a result.  Can you pull BT back to 7ish for a little while?  Or nap a touch earlier/longer to allow a little bit of catch-up?

[kamada]

That's interesting about the molars. I'll definitely keep an eye on them then, thanks.

Yes it wouldn't surprise me if he's OT (I think we all are after losing sleep night after night!). I'll see what I can do to catch him up. X