There is a possibility that for both of you the nap is coming a little too early. I see that even for you there is a wake up at the end of the sleep cycle and you nee to shush/pat Lo back to sleep. This sometimes happens when LO is unable to transition from one cycle to another and can be linked to ability to self sooth - if this is the case with your LO you can (both) focus on having stopped shush/patting just before LO falls to sleep at the beginning of the nap. You do your regular soothing until LO is calm then reduce the patting until you either have a still firm hand on LO (and when this is successful you reduce the weight of the hand) or until you are totally hands off - the end goal being to be out of the room before LO nods off. When LO can self settle to sleep there is a better chance of self settling mid nap at the sleep cycle transition.
Another reason LO might not manage to transition at the end of one cycle into another is when he is not tired enough. A times for guidance at this age are 1hr 45 to 2hrs but it is only guidance and some LOs do better with a longer A time (or longer for the first A time after a good night sleep then a little shorter after). You might both try that first nap at 2hrs rather than any earlier.
Another thing you can both try is to use W2S for the sleep transition. This is where you go into the room before LO wakes up mid nap and begin shush/pat so that when LO comes up into light sleep and wakes you are already soothing him back to sleep. This can be a quicker way to sooth as LO stays sleepy, it is also a useful method to teach LO to sleep longer as part of the sleep training process.
Here's a link with some info - look at naps option 1
How do I address habitual wakings? (wake-to-sleep and other methods)It's important to remember that sleep training is a process which does take time and effort - it seems you are all doing very well so try to keep that in mind when it becomes hard. You are doing a wonderful thing for your LO teaching him that he is safe and cared for and giving him the confidence to learn to sleep alone.
At 4 months lots of LOs have a sleep regression - it seems a common time for short napping. Often this is put down to the normal developmental process but it can sometimes be caused by (or added to) by A times not being long enough. At 4 months Tracy suggested moving to a 4hr EASY routine. This means you gradually stretch out LOs E times to 4hrs apart (it can be 3hr 15, then 3hr 30, then 3hr 45 as you move towards 4hrs) rather than 3hrs. There are some LOs who cannot manage the 4hr E until they are closer to 6 months old but this is the usual way forward at this age. Here's a link:
Time to Transition - 3hr, 3.5hr or 4hr EASYSo those things above are for both you and Daddy to have a think about in terms of LOs sleep training and routine.
With regards to Daddy finding it more difficult than you. I really think perseverance is the key. There is a chance that you have already been through a phase where LO has screamed in your face and refused to sleep, and you remained with him comforting him and showed him that you will always be there for him no matter what, eventually LO decided to go to sleep. The same will happen with Daddy so long as Daddy sticks it out. There can be a temptation to hand over to the parent who has 'success' but take a minute to consider what came before that success - hard work, crying baby, lots of time spent soothing, picking up, patting and being ultra patient etc etc. My feeling on this is that when there is only one parent doing the sleep training or soothing that parent has no option they have to see it through regardless, they have no one to pass baby to. When there are two parents taking shifts it may well be that both parents need to go through that crunch point where baby feels supported no matter what.
So long as Daddy continues this process of sleep training he and your DS will come through it together. Like I said before Daddy may do things a little differently (each parent does not have to try to be the other) and that is absolutely ok, Daddy needs to find *his* way to support his son. it will come. It will. IMO what is important here is that Daddy keeps his confidence and remembers that he is just as important to LO as Mummy, Daddy needs to know that every parent finds it hard and finds their way through, that just because Mummy had 'success' first with the naps does not mean Mummy is better or that Daddy is doing something wrong, it only means Mummy has put in some serious time and effort on this whilst Daddy was working.
LO seems inconsolable at times. Any thoughts?
Have you also had some times with LO when he seemed inconsolable? I know I did with my DS when he was a baby. And this is really what I mean by seeing it through, being calm and caring and making sure LO knows Daddy is there for him.
It is a decision you and Daddy make together really - for Daddy to keep going forward with this or to hand over. I'd suggest keeping going
another thing you can do is for you to speak to LO about how Daddy cares for him and that LO is safe and secure to go to sleep with Daddy. I know your baby is young but they listen, what you say and how you say it matters in my opinion.
Another thing you might both try is to introduce a lovey so that there is a continuity in an item of soothing. I used a muslin cloth at every feed, every nap, every cuddle and my DS attached to it as a comfort item. You could begin by wearing the item/cloth inside your clothes over night so that it has Mummy's scent and then at nap time Daddy can put the cloth over his shoulder to begin the wind down and shush/pat. It can go into the cot with LO for comfort so long as once LO nods off you remove it (he is too young to add items to the cot unless supervised).
I am a big believer in lovies, they are amazing source of comfort to babies and children - my 5yo had his muslin squares since day 1, he now takes a small muslin square in his trouser pocket to school, it gives him so much comfort when he is away from Mummy and stepping out into the world as an individual.
There's lots to think about and try there - I hope something works for you. Let us know how you go or if you have any more questions
