Wind down seems to Wind her up

[GillianKiely]

Hello BW world!

I have a 7week old who I have begun implementing EASY with. Her sleep has gone off the rails and she has been very OT and OS for the last four days. She has a soft airway and is very congested so sleep is already difficult for her. I have a rock and play hammock that seems to be the most comfortable place for her to sleep aside from on me .

She has always fought swaddling, she loves her hands but they also seem to wake her up quickly when I don't swaddle her. I've started implementing the 4s system but she gets so upset now when I swaddle her that the shh pat has almost no effect. The few times that it has worked she either cried immediately when put down into her bed or slept for 10-20mins and then woke up upset. She often gets hysterical when I try to re calm her and will bounce her head off of me trying to eat to sooth herself. She has been napping only 20mins here and there and only 2 hour stretches at night.

I've seen the wind down work with her but also have seen it escalate her to hysterical proportions.

Advice would be oh so welcome. It breaks my heart when she gets so out of sorts!

Thank you!

[shinysarah]

Hi,
7 week sis still incredibly young-what does her day look like?

[GillianKiely]

Oh I'm so happy to hear you say it's so young

We are struggling to find a routine, it often depends on how congested she is which sort of defines the mood of the day. She has yet to sleep longer then 3 hours and always wants to feed as soon as she wakes up. So the last few days have started with

Eat 5am
Activity 5:15 like a bum change and sending Papa off to work
Sleep. 6am

E 8/8:30
Activity 8:15 play in swing or crib with mobile, play with Mama
                       Sometimes she wants to eat again...
Sleep... now I try to watch for her cues but this is often where we run amok and start to see her get agitated when I bring her upstairs. I try to transition her by reading a story first or if she's too stimulated just a quiet song as we walk around the room closing the blinds and putting the ocean sounds on. When I go to swaddle her she makes a sad "going to cry" face  and makes fussy cranky noises while flailing her arms and legs. Then when I pick her up to cuddle her she often starts kicking and rubbing her legs and rubbing her nose back and forth across my shoulder while protesting. If I do the shh pat she will move her head away from me so I can't shhh near her ear! She's so very clever . Sometimes this is also when she starts to cry very loudly if I continue. If I bounce her a bit along with the shhh pat I can usually get her calm enough where I can stop the bounce and then just do the shhh pat again. Then if she does get drowsy she will start to cry if I put her down at all. If I try the shh pat in her hammock or bassinet she starts kicking and fussing immediately OR I get her calm and cozy and she will be asleep. I'll shhhh Pat for a good 10mins after that and then when it looks like all is well. She is up withing 20 mins.

So basically after that our day turns into my trying to get her to sleep for 45-60mins then getting her up for a little bit, seeing her yawn within 15 mins and trying to get her down again... it's becoming a vicious cycle and I worry it's making sleep stressful instead of enjoyable.

Yesterday after the 4th nap attempt in 3 hours I took her for a walk in my Moby wrap and she conked right out for an hour. Then I tried the nap at home afterwards and it went a bit better, but I let her Lay on me swaddled because she just really needed to sleep so badly.

She is also up every 2.5 hrs in the night wanting to eat. My doctor said she can go 4-6 hrs without a feed at night and that I need to try to get her back to sleep without feeding her so she learns to sleep for that length. She suggested giving her some water to out her off wanting to feed during one of her waking, but I see that only making her angry... she isn't a huge paci baby... I haven't tried it in the night yet, the idea alluded me at 3am each time, but she will rarely take it and usually not for very long.

Help us please! I'm trying so hard to just do my best for her 

[deb]

It's harder to sleep when congested - and my other first thought was to ask whether reflux is an issue. If there's reflux, she might be feeling an acid burn when she goes horizontal; that's what happened w/my DD1, and WOW, was that ever a steep learning curve! Had I known what to look for sooner, DD's getting upset by our wind-down routine would have clued me in that she didn't WANT to be flat in her cot.

A couple random thoughts:

For night wakings, is it possible to send DH in to her for one of the night wakings (maybe try this weekend when he's not working?) so she doesn't smell milk? She might be less inclined to demand a feed if she doesn't smell milk. Send him in with the paci and see how he gets on.

I would also suggest trying to keep that 5AM waking very low-key: if she's hungry, feed her (or yes, try a paci) and then put her back down as if it's a night waking.

What's her personality? If she's Touchy, she may not like the pat/shh. Both mine HATED it.

If she's asking to eat again during an A time, could be a number of things, but again, in our case it was looking to soothe the reflux burn (milk soothes the acid burn, so she'd nurse just enough to get some milk, feel better, and then stop nursing since she wasn't hungry - drove me around the bend since I didn't understand that). She may also just have a strong need to suck *something* (this was my DD2, who lived with her paci till 2-1/2YO).

If the regular wind-down gets her riled up, switch it up: maybe try playing in her room, not even leaving it for the first A time, and when she can barely hold her eyes open, THEN put her down.

You mentioned she slept well in the Moby and again napped ON you; this also suggests reflux to me. I got to the point before we sorted the reflux where I tried to get mine to take at least ONE nap on me so we could BOTH get some rest! (They stopped agreeing to do that around 3 months, so enjoy it now.

[shinysarah]

That's all great advice from Deb... I would say that at 7 weeks I wouldn't be expecting her to go 4-6hrs through the night as your doctor said! She's 7 weeks old! I think the sling is a great way for her to get sleep on you so she's not too unhappy due to lack of sleeo.

[GillianKiely]

Thank you Deb! It was great advice. I had suspected reflux but it didn't really click for me until you mentioned how milk soothes it. I realized she was frantically trying to feed during those upsets and sleep times because she was trying to Sooth that acidic feeling! A few others signs had been there but my doctor had been hesitant to prescribe anything where neither of us was sure, but after your helpful insight the pattern of behaviours emerged. I looked up the reflux.org site and she fits the description of silent reflux perfectly. Yesterday we started an anti acid and she has been catching up on all her missed sleep since! She is getting used to the wind down routine and fights it only as a spirited baby would instead of a fearful and in pain baby. Thank you so much for your support, I'm really hoping we have gotten to the root of her discomfort and we can get back on track!

Also glad to hear 4-6 hrs is not the norm!

[GillianKiely]

She is much better at the wind down today but wakes up 20 mind later Everytime I get her to sleep.... am I doing something wrong? I shhh pat for at least 10mins after she's sleeping.

[deb]

Are you able to stay with her past the 20-minute stirring? Might be UT, might be a matter of just breaking the cycle, might be that the reflux meds are still not where they need to be (and sometimes they take a couple days, even a week, to be fully effective).

[GillianKiely]

She gets so upset when I try to start the wind down, like she knows sleep time is imminent and does not want to participate. She particularly gets upset when I try to swaddle her. I'm concerned it's uncomfortable with her smaller windpipe but is that possible? I will try to be more patient about the reflux meds, but in the mean time, how do I calm her if the wind down gets her in a tizz? Also she won't settle in aany sort of bed, she just cries until I pick her up. I've got her asleep on me now and I would love to put her in her hammock but I'm afraid of waking her as well since she's had maybe 2 hrs worth of short naps today.

[GillianKiely]

I tried staying with her for when she stirs but I can't seem to get her resettled. I tried sh Pat and just my hand on her with no luck.

[deb]

Will she sleep in her car seat/carrier? Or in a swing, upright? Some refluxers do better in more upright situations.

[GillianKiely]

Thank you again Deb for your reply. She's in a rock and play hammock so she's slightly upright. I'm experimenting right now with her nap. I'm starting to think it's not dark enough in our room. She's a very spirited baby and her Auntie says she suffers from FOMO (fear of missing out). I read someone else post about putting a hand in front of their eyes (not on them) to block out sensory stimulation. When I did this to her in the hammock they started to droop heavily. I couldn't get her to close them and stay closed with just my hand blocking her vision so she I've moved her into a walk in closet (sorry open obviously where she's facing the back wall. She's been pretty peaceful in there for 20 mins. Cross your fingers for us!!!!!

[GillianKiely]

Never mind... I still think I'm on to something with it being too light but either that's not dark enough or something else is going on. I'm starting to be obsessed. Poor dear isn't getting enough sleep. She woke up very upset. I got her calm then put her back in the hammock and then she got very upset again. I got her fairly calm and she started rooting and whining so I'm feeding her now but she ate 1.5hrs ago so i think it's comfort she wants. She's got bags under her eyes and falling asleep while she eats.

[deb]

Aww, bless. I'd go ahead and APOP for now (Accidental Parenting On Purpose) just to get her caught up on sleep and tackle the rest in another couple of days. Can you hand her off to DH (or anyone else) being a weekend?

[GillianKiely]

Hi there!

So I've been APOPing my DD for the last few days. She is responding well to catching up on sleep. She still has trouble during the day but it's certainly better than before. I am often feeding her to sleep but it has made her more relaxed about being swaddled and sometimes the feeding doesn't even work so I pat her back and jiggle her bum a little bit which usually gets her there. She's 8wks old as of yesterday. Do you think this is something I should keep up or should I be trying to ween her off this type of thing now? She is really battling gas still so I never know what kind of sleep she is going to get and if it's gas or her not connecting g sleep cycles that wakes her up. 

Thanks!!