I'll see if I can answer your questions.
1) Do I get her up after waking after 20-30mins or try and re-settle until next feed? I always thought according to books that you re-settle til next feed. If I get her up this throws off EASY/eating schedule. -Or do I get her up wait until next feed (even though she’ll be totally unhappy/grumpy) feed and then probably by then she would have been up for her A time. So really she’d be feeding then going down and probably feeding much earlier than 3 hours (especially if she STILL wakes up early from the second nap because only half an hour would have passed since her last feed and putting her down if you know what I mean).
OK, you can continue to re-settle until the next feed and yes this is in the BW books. I call this "full on" training and often with slightly older LOs it can really help to establish a good routine and get things on track in a shorter time but it is often hard work for parents. Here at the forums we often go a bit gentler than that and don't go quite so "full on", partly because as Mums we know it is exhausting, that we need to get out for our sanity, or that there are other LOs to be cared for and that we jst can't spend all day in a dark room patting the day away. We often suggest one or two naps in the cot - and mainly to look for a way to compromise everyone's needs which was also what Tracy said in the books, we respect baby and baby's need but also look to the rest of the family's needs too.
If you get her up from a short nap you do not need to fee immediately. If E is usually 3hrs apart you can probably stick to that time or reduce the E time a little, often LOs will go the 3hrs anyway even if not asleep. You do not need to feed straight after sleep, the EAS routine is more about not feeding to sleep (making a prop) rather than always feeding on wake up. So you might see EASAEAS rather than EAS. Whilst the routine can look a bit messy it is possible to get through the day like this and even to establish something of a regular routine even though the naps are short. I did this from 3.5-5.5 months during my DS's short nap phase. If a nap is approaching do bring E earlier to avoid feeding to sleep, or if it can't be avoided rouse her as you put her into her cot and say "I'm putting you in your bed now so you can sleep properly" the message will go in and she iwll be less surprised to wake in a different environment to the one she fell asleep in.
2) If she IS falling back asleep, albeit for a few mins at a time for the remainder of the nap after waking, does this count as A time?? As I’ve been counting A time from when I eventually get her up because she is in and out of sleep (so technically not awake) after waking after 30 mins.
If she's nodding on and off I'd class it as S and count A from when she properly wakes. Some people calculate it as half time but I never did. Instead if there has been a short nap I'd reduce her next A by about 10 or 15 mins. When Tracy did the full on training she did keep them up the full A time and in many cases this can help LO be really tired ready for the next nap but perhaps more so with an older baby. With a young one it is likely to cause OT and a difficulty in relaxing fully for sleep.
3) Do I put her down at 1 hour 20 mins or put her down at 1 hour 10 mins bearing in mind it might take 10 mins for her to fall asleep??
Build in any wind down time needed to aim to have her asleep at 1hr 20. Some LOs like a full 20 min WD, mine did not he would have protested loudly. In the very early days with mine he took the full 20 min to nod off but once he'd cracked self settling he only wanted a very short WD, anything longer made him resist. If she only needs/wants 5 or 10 mins that's fine. If she goes down more easily and falls to sleep faster with a shorter patting rather than a longer self settling mantra then I'd go with the patting and aim to have stopped patting *just* before she nods off - which is probably what you are already doing as I think you know BW methods and 'get' the sleep training aspect.
4) Apart from yawns in the morning she very rarely yawns (apart from when I’m trying to put her to sleep) so what other sleepy signs should I look out for at this age?? Or should I focus more on the 1 hour 20?
It may be helpful for a while to watch the clock. Mine just fussed when he was ready for sleep.
5) If she feeds any time after 3.30am she will usually sleep until 7.30am. If it’s before she could wake up any time from 6 – 7am (7am mostly). However should I be waking her at 7am every morning or letting her sleep? Given how horrendous the day is I’m reluctant to wake her at 7 but do wake her at 7.30 as I feel this is late enough.
Waking her at 7.30 is fine. We do not run strictly on 7am starts on the forums, and honestly I am super jealous of your WU time
Mine early woke for ever!
*I feel like I have to use the white noise in the day to “muffle” the sounds of the house – VERY loud 4 year old and parents/in laws up all the time and VERY loud barky dog. As we only get 30 min naps I want to make sure any noise doesn’t disturb her.
There's no problem using white noise. Many people here find it really useful.
*I feel like I’m trying SO SO HARD to do the best for my baby and teaching her the right set of skills and I know we’ve done well with the bed time routine and at night so I just feel so disheartened that despite my very best efforts it’s been so difficult.
You've managed to get the nights settled really really quickly. Try to focus more on your achievements as you are doing brilliantly! There is a chance that as you were so successful with the day time routine with your first Lo that your expectations have been the same with this LO. You know all babies are different and your two children are going to have totally different personalties, ability to nap well from a very young age is just going to be one of the differences between your two LOs, it's not your fault or lack of trying, try not to beat yourself up about it. It really doesn't mean this is how it will be for ever.
There are so so many mums here who would be amazed by your achievement so far, just self settling is a big step at this age even if she is not yet transitioning alone (or at all).
I do wonder if a raised cot may help...it might be something to consider trying. It is not a sleep prop, it just helps them to be more comfortable if there is any chance of silent reflux. It could be that you are not seeing symptoms other than inability to sleep on a flat surface.
