I'm new to the Baby Whisperer, and I'm a huge believer in what I read in Tracy's book, but struggling with the application.
My baby is 7 mos old, breastfed. I was feeding on demand previously. Since birth, he never really slept that much during the day - not that he wasn't tired, but maybe he didn't know how to go to sleep. At 5 or 6 weeks, we started the eat-play-sleep routine upon friend's recommendation of Babywise. But I didn't really have a schedule, it just followed that pattern all day. At 7 or 8 weeks, we started using a swing during the day to try to get him to nap. He finally napped, and was sleeping a lot during the day. We read not to keep him up more than 1 hr at a time, so all day long we would keep putting him in the swing after each hour of waketime. When we started that, he immediately started sleeping better at night. He would go to bed at 7/7:30, sleep until 2 or 3 or 4, nurse, and then about every 40-60 min from then on, he would wake up and eat, until I got up for good at 7 am. We also would rock him a lot for naps and bedtime, and sing or play music, and stroke his face. It has gotten continuously harder to keep him asleep at night and to enforce naps. I realized all along that I was using some techniques that many people frown on, but I was desperate for some quiet time during the day and a little sleep at night. (I'm pretty tired by nature, need about 11 hours myself. This is our first baby too.)
At 3 mos I went back to work 3 days a week. Two of the days he stays with my mom, and I nurse on my lunch hour. The other day he is with my mother in law who lives next door (20 min away from my job location). They followed the same routine with him. He drank from a bottle of my milk all day, and nursed great when with me. He was born in November, and by the time daylight savings switch came around, I tried gradually adjusting his to-bed and wakeup times, but despite this, he coincidentally started getting up 1 hr earlier, instead of later. Then at 4 mos, he had 2 colds back to back that had him really congested, and it was rough sleeping at night for him. He also started teething really bad at this time. From both of these, he night sleep just got way off track. He no longer slept a good chunk at the beginning, but started waking up all night long. Some nights he woke up every 15 min the whole night! I tried soothing him, but nothing helped, and I was so tired, so I just kept nursing him. (He has always slept in a bassinet next to my side of the bed.) But it was just endless! I even tried nursing laying down, bringing him into our bed with us - but he just cried and kicked around. After a month of that every single night, he started getting up at 4:30 or 5 am and was done for the night, no matter what I did. Then of course he was cranky and over tired all day.
He is a very sweet and smiley baby, but seems to be very sensitive. I think he would have been pretty easy to train early on if I had started out properly, instead of doing everything wrong that you can do!
So several weeks ago, I started seriously looking at sleep training programs. I knew I couldn't do cry it out, because he doesn't cry a lot unless something is really wrong. I get very frustrated by crying too, and I also was worried about traumatizing him. So I was really drawn to Tracy's philosophy. And 3 weeks ago I had 10 days in a row off work, to tackle this program with him.
It seemed like the first 3 or 4 days or so, he was very easy to calm, he never really had any bad spells. He did pretty good with naps, and the first several nights he slept 9 hrs with NO nursing! He woke up a lot but was quickly calmed and settled. Then he started getting more frustrated by the pickup putdowns, and would cry harder the more I worked at it during the night. He seemed to cry so much that I was worried he was hungry, so I decided to nurse once in the middle of the night. One thing I did change in this time frame- I am a frequent food grazer all day, and I really wanted to have him on a 3 hr schedule, and just keep him there, not move to 4 hr. So I was trying to make that work these first few days, which was when he wasn't nursing at night. But after 3 days, I had to come to grips with the fact that it wasn't going to work for naps if I insisted on 3 hr schedule. So I went to 4. He seemed fine during the day for feedings. Then I resumed my work schedule and tried to instruct the grandmas on the new program. They struggled with it of course, but tried to do it just like me. His night got worse and worse.
Now he wakes up every 2 hours or more, all night, and cries and kicks and fights me when I pick him up, and cries harder when I put him down. I know not to hold him if he struggles against me, but he didn't start that til about a week and a half or 2 weeks in.
This is the schedule I was trying to implement:
6:30 am wakeup and feed
8:30-10 or 10:30 nap
10:30 feed
12:30-2 or 2:30 nap
2:30 feed
4:00 or 5:00 catnap
6:00 feed
6:30 bath
7:00 feed
7:15 bedtime
9:30 dream feed (this is the latest I stay up at night)
He doesn't eat a lot at the 7 pm feed, but I was trying to tank him up a bit. He ate a lot at 9:30, although he was having trouble from 5-6:30 am, so I tried a 10:30 or 11 pm dream feed for a week. It didn't help the early morning at all, but now if I accidentally sleep through my 10:30 alarm, he wakes up now and wants to eat then. He also started waking up at 3 or 4 to eat. I was getting more and more frustrated because I had understood that he would go from the dreamfeed to the first morning feed without nursing - he is 7 mo old afterall, and about 20 lbs! So I kept trying the pu/pd, stayed faithful and determined. But is seemed to be working less and less. Then I started to worry that he cried so much, which Tracy said burns calories, and then they really may get hungry, and should be fed. Also, his worst spells of crying were at random times, not clockwork, which Tracy says is from hunger, not habit. So I thought I was supposed to feed him. So now he wants to eat every hour all night long, and I feel like all my blood sweat and tears have brought me back to square one. So I decided a couple night ago, ok, maybe he isn't going to sleep thru the night yet, but at least I can make him wait at least 4 hrs between night feeds, since he doesn't eat more than that during the day. So I feed him at 6 & 7 pm, then at 10:30 pm, 2 am, and hope he waits til 6:30 am. Even that is too many in my opinion, since he was sleeping 6-8 in one chunk when he was 2 mos old! But despite allowing for these times, he still wakes up at midnight, and 4 am, crying and crying like I haven't fed him in days. I don't feed him between the 10:30 and 2:00 feeds, but I have been giving in at 4 am and usually feeding at 4:30 or 5 after trying to settle him for a long time. Sometimes he sleeps til 6:15, at which point I give up and get up for the day and feed him, but other times he wakes up at 5:15 and 5:30, and 6:00...
I'm sooooooo frustrated!!!! I know my technique isn't perfect, and I have altered things a bit on him, but I'm just trying to have some structure and some expectation for him, but not be too harsh or too high of expectations. I believe in the training Tracy promotes, I just can't seem to get it right. Is it normal to go on this long? Have I messed it up by feeding in the night? (By the way, he does a full feed at 10:30, 2, and the 4:30/5, but not interested by 6:30.) Should I expect him to go from 9:30 or 10:30 pm til 6:30 am since he did it the first 3 nights of training? Also, he doesn't always seem to eat a long time during the day feeds, but I'm not sure if he is just so efficient and fast bc he is 7 mos old, or if he is doing that because he is planning to eat all night long?
I haven't started him on solids yet, prob will in a month or so. He is thriving on my milk, and I have an excellent diet, so I'm not rushing the solids.
I work Mondays, then 2 days I am home with him, then Thurs and Fri I work, home on weekend, so it is a little disruptive, but I try to get him up and put him to bed the same times everyday.
I really am willing to try anything, and I have the willpower to stick to it - I'm just confused about what I'm supposed to be doing and what I'm missing the mark on. Please help!!!!?
Thankyou!
