14 mos taking forever to go to sleep, won't let me leave the room

[mommykay410]

She does get mad when I go into a different room during the day, and cries when anyone else is around, even dad sometimes.  I have read that's also related to a wonder week right now too, so not sure which it is. 

[Haribo2012]

Sometimes it is difficult to tell.

[mommykay410]

So now I'm thinking the GW may be what I have to do because the wi/wo is way too stressful for her.  As soon as I walk out she cries hysterically and then when I lay her down again she quick pops her head up to make sure I didn't leave.  Last night I laid her down around 6:45 and she was already crying.  So I went up and tried to do wi/wo first but she was getting to upset and I didn't want her to get so worked up that she would start her almost hyperventilating crying so I stayed.  She did the same throwing her doll out and making me pick up again for a while and then started to settle but then wanted me to hold her.  After I picked her up and held her a few times she laid down and finally went to sleep around 7:55.  So at least it was earlier than the night before, but still over an hour to get to sleep.  She took a 2 hour nap yesterday too finally.  She did wake up twice during the early morning hours...2:55 and 5:15..then laid back down and went back to sleep til 7 this morning.  I'm thinking she just needs the cuddles while she is trying to fall asleep since she's not getting that from nursing anymore and doesn't want anything to do with me while she's drinking her milk before bed. 

[Martini~]

Honey I think the main question you have to ask yourself is what you feel and what you believe in terms of her acts. With mixed feeling as you seem to be now and some kind of clarity that she needs a cuddle you will not go with any sleep training method neither wiwo nor gw. The reason is that sleep training is about less and less interference from your side.

Please don't feel judged but I just think that any sleep training should be done only when mother is sure it's a good direction. In any other situation, and if you are uncertain what's going on - you are changing your actions during settling and this only make your DD confused. It usually also makes seeing any progress in sleep training impossible as if you want to reduce crying and see immediate results you need consequence. If you "try" and than go back to whatever you did before, it makes this "trying" useless for both you and her.
So when I usually talk to anyone and advice sleep training I believe it's better to start 3'days later than 1 day too early. If you really think she needs your cuddles right now - maybe you are right. It's your DD and you know her the best. When you feel you and she are ready for sleep training with all the consequences - it's worth trying again. I personally prefer wiwo as the results as sooner but GW can mean less crying. Less crying if the toddler is accepting every next step of GW. However some toddlers are very persistent and they cry histerically with every step back in gradual process so for those I would rather advise wiwo as the same crying is involved but process is much shorter.

Re routine - I think if she sleep 1:15 and 2:00h and you tried many different bedtimes - I wouldn't mess with the routine for now until you handle settling skills. I would set bedtime for the time you think is the best for you two and hope for the better soon.

[mommykay410]

Thanks, Martini.  I do agree with everything you said regarding sleep training.  I did pu/pd for a short period during 4 month regression for naps and dealt with horrible screaming crying during that.  I do think it may be a bit too early to go full-fledged ST since it's only been a little over a week that I stopped nursing her, so she may just still be adjusting to the change in bedtime routine.  I guess I will stick with what I've been doing for a few days yet and see if it passes over or improves at all, then consider doing wi/wo when I'm sure that she's not having separation anxiety and doesn't need me there. 

Today she napped 2 hours again thankfully.  And I put her down around 6:55 tonight, went up to her at 7:10 after a few minutes of crying, and she fell asleep at 8:10.  She goes back and forth between standing and wanting to be picked up, to laying and talking to herself, then just when I think she's starting to calm and might fall asleep, she gets up and plays the throw the doll game like she's wide awake again.  I do think that me being in there is part of what makes it take longer for her to fall asleep because it's entertainment in a way. 

[Martini~]

Yep you are probably right with how you presence is need but on the other hand is stopping her from settling.

Great that you made a decision Honey. We will wait for you if you need us in couple of days. Hopefully some things will settle back without a proper sleep training but if not, you can always count on our support:). Keeping our fingers crossed:)!!!